PSU attempts to top Pitt. Again.
PSU attempts to top Pitt. Again.
For years, the University of Pittsburgh's Cathedral of Learning has been renowned and revered throughout the international educational system. The Cathedral, the tallest building of education in the United States of America and the second tallest in the world, has been a beacon to light the way for the futures of Pitt's students. However, with recognition and admiration also comes jealousy.
Enter Penn State University and their proposed plan to build a "Synagogue of Wisdom" on their State College Main campus. This new education building, which plans were unveiled earlier this week, will shoot 43 stories into the air, at a height of 545 feet, which Penn State President Graham B Spanier is quick to point out is "One story and ten feet higher than Pitt's Cathedral of Learning, not that anyone's counting."
The Penn State Prez denies any association with Pitt's Cathedral of Learning and told reporters that the idea came to him in a dream. "It was like a vision from God" Spanier proclaimed. "it was like he said to me 'Build a Synagogue of Wisdom, with elevators that go to EVERY floor, not just every third.'" Spanier, who is not Jewish, came under fire from protesters claimed that Penn State, which is a public school, cannot build a structure with such obvious religious ties. (The Cathedral of Learning, by the way, is in no way affiliated or decorated towards any specific religion or denomination) Spanier just dismissed this as "nonsense" and further explained that he actually "dislikes Judaism in all forms."
Anthony Caggiula, the head of the Psychology Department at the University of Pittsburgh, claims that Penn State and its fearless leader are suffering from a form of "Cathedral envy," in which their lack of tall buildings and many other things (including football talent) gives them a sense of insecurity and inferiority. Their only obvious response, seeing as their football team continues its second-rate play , is to build a larger building than that of Pittsburgh's Cathedral of Learning. While this act may give them a taller building, it will in no way equal out Pitt's dominance over the lesser University.
A representative from the University of Pittsburgh's Maintenance and Construction department claimed that the news "was in no way disturbing" and "not a surprise, coming from them." They also said that in order to insure that the Cathedral's height dominance in the United States, they will probably just "add an antenna 11 feet tall to the top." Sources say that Penn State officials will not be ready for this "crafty" venture and will be stumped on how to deal with it.
-Scotka
