Hollywood Hype...Gottfried in tights?
Hollywood Hype...Gottfried in tights?
It's a busy day in Hollywood as news has broken that for the upcoming
Spider-Man sequels, actor Tobey Maguire will be replaced by funnyman Gilbert
Gottfried. The unexpected switch has shocked the movie industry and
executives are perplexed as to why Sony Pictures chose Gottfried over the
highly-touted Maguire. "Maguire just didn't get the job done," said one
Sony executive who asked to remain anonymous. "Gilbert just has so much
more spunk, attitude, and character than Tobey had in the first film...and
he's a lot cuter too!," stated actress Kirsten Dunst who plays 'the girl
next door,' Mary Jane Watson.
When asked about his new role, Gottfried shrieked something that sounded
like words but was not understood by anyone in the room. Sony Pictures
informed us that they didn't think Spider-Man wasn't annoying as he should
have been in the first film, and they feel that Gottfried fits the picture
perfectly. I got ahold of the Chairman and CEO of Sony Pictures John Calley
and here's what he had to say, "Gottfried is the most annoying and obnoxious
damn person I've come across in my entire life, and he is exactly the type
of person we want slinging web for Sony Pictures."
As bizarre as it seems, Hollywood is eating up the fact that Gottfried is
taking over the role, even Maguire accepted the fact that he is a homosexual
and was horrible for the part. Performer Right Said Fred exlaimed that
Gottfried is 'too sexy for his superhero costume,' and the Reverend Jesse
Jackson added that 'even though Gottfried is an Uncle Tom, he's so annoying
he's perfect for the role.' So sit back, get some popcorn, bring some
ear-plugs, and be prepared to enjoy the most annoying super hero flick that
we've ever seen. What's next? Fran Drescher as Mary Jane? Only if we're
lucky.
--Styles
Move over Maguire...
