The Engineer's Manifesto
The Engineer's Manifesto
i don't know what "fun" really is. people look forward to going to college because it's "fun." i don't get to watch tv, i don't get to hang out, i don't get to go downtown. Should I somehow allow myself to go out to a "party" I can't shake the lingering thought of how much work I have to do. I drink myself close to death because it's the only way I can stop beating myself up for skipping out on doing work. I drink to forget. my friends are engineers, it's better that way. we know how we work. we don't bitch because we have a paper due tomorrow. we don't write papers. we do, however, have a program due tuesday, a test on matlab later that day, a few dozen calculus problems to finish, a physics unit to review, circuits to draw, galvanic cells to construct, and a conference to prepare for. i go to the library and am forced to wait for a computer because the lab is filled with business majors who can't play "yahoo pool" or the infamous "helicopter game" in their own fucking dorm rooms. i get excited when it is sunny outside not because I'm going to lay out on the cathedral lawn, or because I happen to enjoy playing football at the Petersen center, but because the computer lab on the first floor in Hillman has a big window with a nice view. I enjoy it when it rains because I'm inside all day anyway, and the precipitation simply inconveniences the business majors. On the topic of inconveniencing business majors, I wouldn't have any problem with them living in squirrel hill and walking their lazy asses to class. They're going to live there eventually anyway because they're going to be rich. They will make more money than me. It's a simple fact. We start with two postulates:
postulate one: knowledge is power postulate two: time is money
as any engineer knows, power= work/time
and since knowledge is power, and time is money
knowledge = work/money
rearranging then gives money=work/knowledge.
Therefore, as knowledge goes towards, but never approaches, zero, money approaches infinity regardless of the amount of work done.
I hate them. They sicken me. Sometimes in the dead of night I wish death upon them. I happen to be very familiar with the dead of night. Most people sleep then. As an engineer I, however, do not. I leave the library not because I am done with my work, but because it is closing. I am familiar with the locations of the campus computer labs that are open 24 hours. I have seen the sun set and rise with nothing in between but studying and caffeine. A day with classes that start at nine is considered a day I can sleep in. I don't have the liberty of going to class Monday through Thursday from 1-4 pm and calling it quits. Having seventeen credits does not mean having 17 hours of class per week. I have labs. I have recitations. I hate my life. Borrowing from a friend, "I want to walk when the light says don't walk, or hide under the bus wheel at a red light." If you happen to see me sitting and doing nothing, don't think it's because I have nothing to do. I simply have so much to do I can't even fathom where to start. You shouldn't be reading this because you have too much work to do, or maybe you're a business major. If you do happen to be a business major, I'm sure one day I'll need a secretary so stop reading and go prepare your resume. I'm almost out of toilet paper anyway.
- Pitt Freshman Engineer
