this is a journal of trying to get over someone.

the man i was trying to forget was reading this journal as it was being written. so was the woman he left me for ---a fact i didn't know. when i found out, after seven months of writing, and questioned him, he lied. he denied knowing who the mysterious person was, who was hitting these pages.

i felt, then, that there was no friendship between us, and maybe never had been.

there is some interesting writing and thinking here, i think. some names and other details have been changed.



september 11, 2001

journal entries 9/22--9/28/2001

journal entries 9/29-10/3/2001

journal entries 10/4-10/7/2001

journal entries 10/7-10/10/2001

journal entries 10/11-10/14/2001


journal entry 10/20(i lost some entries and will have to re-enter the text;)

sunday 10/21-10/23,2001

eh wot?

journal entries 10/24-26

journal entries 10/27-11/02

journal entries 11/02-03; saturday notes.

journal entries 11/04-11-06










i'm crazy, trying to get sane.

what do i need? i need....i need......
i need him to scratch my itching soul, i need him to rub an unshaven cheek against my skin from my forehead all the way down to my ankles. i need a truckload of catnip, to put the green-eyed cats of jealousy into a blissful stupor. i need to clench a handful of his hair and bury his face between my breasts. i need to catch this tiger by the tail, i need to get this monkey off my back, i need to get this bee out of my bonnet. i need to hack a pathway through the jungle, i need to get down in the dirt and follow the path deep into the forest and roll around in a glade of sun-warmed pine needles. i need to wrap my arms around him and tangle our feet together, i need to hold him, like i need a hole in the head. i need an answer to the hope so i stop hoping for an answer. i need you now. i need to be left alone. i need a colonic-style irrigation of the brain.