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No egg rolls
on this plate, please!
By Ling Ho
Newsflash! Chinese food is bad for your heart. Last year, government-sponsored
experts concluded that Oriental cuisine can kill.
After hearing that report, I strapped myself to the nearest heart
monitor and made a list of "no-no" foods. It included all of my
family's cooking, even porridge (congee), but that is because we
tend to make it with pork liver, kidneys and/or intestines instead
of chicken.
Looking at my 33-page list, I hoped that maybe some food would be
safe-dishes like oyster omelettes or stewed chicken feet. Doubting
the experts, I took a closer look at their report. To my surprise,
they included none of the foods on my personal list.
Kung Pao Chicken. Eggrolls. Mu Shu Pork. Egg Foo Yong. Which China
did this food come from? Then it hit me. These experts must be Caucasian.
Their Chinese food experience must have come from the typical American
Chinese buffet restaurant. They must have rated western Chinese
food-now there's an oxymoron-as hazardous to diner's health.
Anyone who has frequented a traditional Chinese restaurant-and no,
the Chikity China Chinese Chicken Restaurant doesn't count-will
have noticed the distinction between American and Chinese eaters.
First, the seating arrangements. Non-Chinese diners are strategically
seated near the walls, away from the centre of the restaurant. They
are left outside the main action of cuisine, but they have the pleasure
of looking at rice paper paintings of Chinese writing, pagodas and
tigers. For you non-Chinese readers, don't believe the waiter when
he tells you the writing means "Good health and fortune." It really
says, "Remember to put fortune cookies at the tables."
Second, the table settings. You can immediately tell which table
is set for Chinese eaters. It is the one with chopsticks and soy
sauce. For non-Asians, the table is set with forks, knives, salt
and pepper. Also, it is the one with the lime green place mat that
outlines the astrological Chinese calendar and describes the personalities
of oxen, roosters and rats.
Finally, and most importantly, is the menu. There are two menus
in every Chinese restaurant. One is written in English, the other
in Chinese. The English one offers a selection of Mu Shu Pork, Kung
Pao Chicken and all the other heart-stopping dishes listed in the
experts' report. The Chinese one offers an exotic and healthy feast
of Chinese delicacies from steamed clams to a tofu hot pot.
And no, there are no eggrolls on this menu!
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