Officially Over Jen

Ok now i am officially done with the whole Jen issue. i've had some time to think during this month break she was on and i realized that our whole relationship was a fuck up on my part. it was a mental error that never should have happened. i let personal feelings and emotions and desires get in the way of my better judgement. i should have known that i couldnt make her happy.....that shed never be with a pathetic ugly loser like me. i should have known when she said she loved me she didnt mean it the same way i did. she meant it more in the "i love u like a brother" rather than "i love u and wanna be with u for the rest of my life." but i shoulda known better. a guy like me can never make a girl as great as Jen happy. its just not possible. im not capable of making any girl happy. im a loser in general. maybe some entry i'll tell u everything thats wrong with me but it would take too long to add it to this entry. so now jen is back but she seems really distant from me. i tell her i almost die.....she says "cool." this pretty much shows me that she never cared about me to begin with and doesnt care about me now. i shoulda figured this out from the get-go but blind love made me ignorant of the truth. so im done with her now. if she wants to chat she can come find me. if not then oh fuckin well. yeah its my loss if she dont wanna be friends. but im not gonna kill myself over her. im tired of being depressed over someone that doesnt give a shit about me or my well-being. so fuck it all. im done dating.....done tryin to make girls happy. fuck this world and fuck everyone. im never gonna be happy and im never gonna have someone special in my life so fuck it. life sucks ass and death will be fun when it finally hits. at least then i'll be happy finally. happy to not have to deal with the bullshit anymore. with these little fucking people that play with emotions and say things they dont mean just to make people feel good or to better themselves. its bullshit that people think they can use others to make themselves happy. if yer depressed dont make someone fall in love with u just to have that feeling. if its gonna happen it'll fuckin happen. but make sure yer honest with shit. if u love someone tell them.....if u dont then dont fucking say it. my life fucking sucks and i wish i could die and get it over with but God wont allow that so fuck him.....fuck the world.....fuck everyone that dont give a shit about me.....and fuck everyone that pretends to care when all they really feel is pity. and fuck this entry and this stupid ass webpage.....im out.