My Ex Jen (still love her though)

Today im just gonna rant about this girl Jen. Me and her met in this online pool room and started off bumpy. she basically hated me but i liked her. i guess i grew on her and we became friends. well about a month ago she came out and said she loved me. i really liked hearing that. so i asked her to be my gf and she said yes. that made me so happy. so we dated online but things got bumpy cause guys hit on her too much and i didnt like that. so we broke up twice and now we're just friends i guess. but this isnt what i want. its like i had the best thing in my life and i lost it. this shit always happens to me too. i meet these great girls that i really care about.....and i have them for like a month then they say they just wanna be friends. it hurts me alot because i really care about them and its like they only wanna be my friend. i have friends.....i dont need more. and this Jen is like the best girl out there. shes so pretty and fun to talk to and i love her so much and its killing me to just be friends with her. i wanna be with her so much that i can barely chat with her without getting depressed that shes not mine. and the thought of her being with other guys hurts me so bad that i dont think i could take it if she started dating. i was thinking about blocking her so that i dont have to deal with that if it happens but i cant be without talking to her. what is wrong with me? why cant i keep the good girls? its always the ugly girls that i cant stand that end up being the ones that really like me. but i get a girl like Jen and i end up fucking it up and ruining everything. its like im destined to be alone. its like God knows im happy and says "oh no.....prynce is happy.....cant have that now can we?" and fucks with me and ruins my life. everyday i feel like God just hates me and that i'll never be happy. i pray alot and ask him all the time why he wont let me be happy but he doesnt seem to care. Its like he just hates me and wants me to be miserable the rest of my life. I hate my life but i cant end it.....im not that desperate. i just want to be happy and it seems like thats never gonna happen. and when i lose a girl i end up making them think its their fault when its not. its either cause i rush things or because God just hates me and knows im happy. i seem to make the girls upset when they shouldnt be. so im waiting for someone to tell me what the fuck is wrong with me or why God hates me so much.