Here are assorted stupid quotes. There's even a quote about a Fresnian!

Stupid Quotes

"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound."
- Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

"I invented the internet".
- Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
- Alan Minter, Boxer

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
- Alicia Silverstone, Actress

"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
- Anonymous Manufacturer

"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time."
- Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian

"Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there."
- Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Bill Peterson, football coach

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

"The team has come along slow but fast."
- Casey Stengel, Baseball player/manager

"I think the team that wins Game 5 will win the series. Unless we lose Game 5."
- Charles Barkley, NBA Basketball Player

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Charles De Gaulle, former French President

"Football players win football games."
- Chuck Knox, football coach

"Most lies about blondes are false."
- Cincinnati Times-Star, headline

"If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
- David Acfield

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games."
- David Garcia, baseball team manager

"Sit by the homely girl, you'll look better by comparison."
- Debra Maffett, Miss America 1983

"We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
- Decca Records Rejecting the Beatles, in 1962

"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."

- Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated

"We're just physically not physical enough."
- Denny Crum, Louisville basketball coach

"Weather forecast: precipitation in the morning, rain in the afternoon."
- Detroit Daily News

"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.

"Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not
there?"
- Driver school applicant

"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."
- Dwight Eisenhower

"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
- Everett Dirksen, Congressman

"Boxing’s all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds."
- Frank Bruno, Boxer

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.

 "I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President
 

"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel

"If you think is was an accident, applaud."
- Geraldo Rivera, talk show host, to his audience on Natalie Wood's drowning

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity."
- Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

"Does the album have any songs you like that aren't on it?
- Harry News, music reviewer

"Coming on to pitch is Mike Moore, who is six-foot-one and 212 years old."
- Herb Score, Sportscaster

"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
- Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

"I don't want to ever, ever do something in life that isn't fun. Ever."
- Jennifer Love Hewitt, Actress, in the February Cosmopolitan.

"We're going to move left and right at the same time."
- Jerry Brown, Governor of California

"I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad."
- Julian Wakefield, Missouri basketball player

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery

"I don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to."
- Linda Evangelista, Supermodel

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
- Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota.

I"The largest crowd ever in the state of Las Vegas."
- Mark Jones, TV Broadcaster

"Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding."
- Mickey Rivers, baseball player

"I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife."
- Mike Greenwell, Baseball player

"If only faces could talk..."
- Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl


"All of the Mets' road wins against Los Angeles this year have been at Dodger Stadium."
- Ralph Kiner, NY Sportscaster

"Solutions are not the answer."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

"Permitted vehicles not allowed."
- Road sign on US 27

"A bachelor's life is no life for a single man."
- Samuel Goldwyn

"SAFETY FIRST: Please put on your seat belt - prepare for accident."
- Sign on backseat of Taxi

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
- Terry Venables