I loved roller coasters when I was younger.
The feelings of anticipation as you get nearer to the point of no return just overwhelmed
the senses.
and then finally, .................here we are..........in slow motion.........over the top.
that falling sensation is the best feeling in the world
down and up again, in just seconds but it lasts a lifetime it seems
an exhilaration that never goes away
I have the same sensation and exhilaration in dreams
sometimes I wake from those dreams and become angry for the interruption it creates in the
middle of that sensation, then the anger subsides and sleep takes over again
but the moment has passed, too late, no more and morning comes
but now...........................now I have the bridge
dark and cold, even with the sweltering temps it is cold
but that is overridden by the sensations of excitement, shivering cold in anticipation of
the ride
there is no bottom, no end, just darkness, an emptiness that promises a long ride
a desire and longing to ride forever, peace is so close, the pain will stop here
the constant sorrow that betrays me will stop here
a ride that will continue as long as I want
and yet.............I am not ready......................there is something holding on
something that says.................... not yet, not now
why am I here, why do I want to go, what is missing, why cant I ride now
the sparkling lites, the darkness, the emptiness and the cold return and push me
away..................from the edge.
away, but not far................ as if being close is a comfort,
before I couldnt take that step, now there is no fear, no desire to do anything else.......
I constantly think of when, not why anymore, just the time.......
so much to do first, there has got to be an answer.........somewhere
There is Peace here