The Holidays were rough. My marriage is on the rocks. Dave and I are best friends but I miss my husband. For two weeks I have been trying to tell him about my problems. But he doesn't have time. I really do understand that he has to be able to take care of his mother. I'm really glad.
He finally has that wonderful mother and son bond. And so dedicated to her at her time of need. God Bless him. He didn't get a chance to come over Sunday or Saturday, Scott was too busy to sit with mom. But that's O.K. I just really miss him.
We have a lot of stress around here. I need to talk to Dave, and confess, but I don't want to hurt him. The Pastor said to open up my heart and just say I need to talk to you and do it. If he loves me he will stay, and if my thoughts were right from a couple of months ago, it will all come out and he will go. God be with me.
Today is John's birthday! Happy birthday John boy!!
I have been trying for two weeks. Kids, Wendy, John, Mike, I know, excuses, excuses. Well, tomorrow I'm going to do it. I have to, I just want to kill myself. It's been a long time since we have talked about anything. I try to talk to him but it seems as he's always too busy or the kids need me or something to do about that.
I thought I should let him go, to go on with his life. But I just can't give up on our marriage without something.
It's real hard, I see Dave's mom so thin, weak and frail. Worried not to pick her up wrong, not to snap a bone. She doesn't want to be here, she wants to go home.
The kids just came out. The boys don't understand. Jessica went to the bathroom crying. Angie and Dave are holding up pretty good. Scott and Steve not so bad. I wish I could take the hurt away. You can stand back and see the hurt in the eyes of all of them.
Little David called Angie. I wish he could understand how Angie is feeling, that her Mom's in bed real sick. He can be a real good kid if he wants to be. I understand that all families don't get along, but God is working on that.
(For always David I Love You.)
I am sitting here in the living room and Scott and Dave are asleep. It is almost 11:30am. Angie and Sharon are outside smoking. This is real hard on Angie. You can see it in her eyes. God, please make it so Mom isn't in any pain. Please. The Pastor said You will take of her. She wants to go home, but doesn't know how to get with You.
Angie hasn't been here. She said that she has things to do and would try to come down later. She will feel real bad not to be here for her Mother if something would happen and she is not around.
Scott is such a good kid and is always trying. He's not sure how to, but he jumps in with both hands. (He's great.) I went to see the kids today, they are wonderful and I really miss them. And they really understand that I should be here to help Dad. (David) I really Love him. I need to stop and get groceries at Publix. I hate that store. I don't know what I'll cook, but I will soon.
Well, I'm back and it's chicken breast and rice with green beans. Well, I'll let them sit and visit with Sharon. She really seems to be a good person, and she is trying.
Well, Mom is gone with Mrs. Korta, Dave and Scott. The nurse, Sharon and I are wondering where they went. Dave left his cell phone here in the bedroom. Well, Dave called and they are at Burger King. (Dave must need a coffee break.)
Mrs. Korta is a real sweetheart, and a real good friend. She calls Mom Ruthie. Well, they are on their way back. Mom doesn't want to come back in, she says she wants to go one more time. So Margaret the nurse said O.K. She's really wonderful, she has been here all week helping with Mom. She is going to eat dinner with us. She is a sweet person.
Well, Mom is back, Dave went to get her with the wheel chair and Mrs. Korta has to get home. She has been in Tallahassee, Fl. At Jennifer's for the weekend. She stopped by on her way up on Friday morning. But she really enjoyed it.
Dinner went real good. Mom is in getting a bath, and things around here all tired people. Angie never came down, Steve called from Dallas, Tx. He missed his switch for the flight because the plane in Tampa got ice on the wings. He will call when he gets back to Washington to check on Mom.
Well, Dave and Sharon are sleeping. The nurse is gone home and Scott went to get sleep. It's going to be a long night, but I want to be here to help them. This is my Family. I don't want to do it for them, just support them.
Well, it's around 2:00am, Dave is asleep in the blue recliner and Sharon is on the couch. I made coffee and tried to wake her up. She is wore out. Everything is real quiet around here. I did up some dishes from sitting around and a couple loads of laundry so I don't fall asleep.
Well, Mom is moving around. She said no to pain med. It's around 3:30-3:40. At 4:15 Sharon still won't get up but she said yes to coffee. (God Bless Mom)
It's around 5:15-20 am. I checked on Mom and can't get a movement from her or heartbeat. I ran and woke up David but he didn't find a hearbeat. He layed his head on her chest to listen for her heart and checked her arm and said "Mom went home" and started crying in my arms. He went and woke Sharon up and told her. Called Scott, then Angie and Steve twice. It wasn't long and Scott was here. Angie called back. Dave called Steve. He said he was on his way down. Angie didn't show up, said to have them take Mom. She didn't want to see her that way.
The people from the morgue came. Everything is up in the air. They have a bunch of things to get done.
