When Brian heard Abby’s knock at him front door, his heart did flip-flops then dropped down to his stomach. The time was now. Now he had to open the door, now he had to let her in, into his house, into his thoughts, into his soul. Brian opened the door and there she was. She looked so innocent, so loving, so beautiful. He wanted her, plain and simple.

Abby walked past him as he held the door open for her. “Brian, are you really okay? You sounded so serious on the phone.”

“I just… Do you want something to drink or anything?”

“No, I’m fine. Just tell me what’s up.”

“Um… you should sit down.” Abby sat down and waited for Brian to continue. “Now I can’t decide if I want to do this sitting or standing.”

“You’re shaking.”

“I know.”

“You’re going to hyperventilate if you don’t calm down.”

“I know that too.”

“How about you try to calm down and then we’ll talk?”

“Good idea. I’ll be right back.” Brian went into the kitchen and fixed himself a glass of water. After he chugged it all, he stood there for a minute, collecting his thoughts, trying to think of the best way to tell her. ‘You have to do this now. You can’t stall. She won’t wait forever.’ Brian took a deep breath, in through his nose, out through his mouth then went back into the living room where Abby was waiting.

“Better?”

“Yeah. Listen, I was thinking and there’s really no easy way to say this but I have to tell you before I go crazy. Do you remember that talk we had about just being friends, and we both agreed that that was the best thing to do?” Abby nodded. “Well, I don’t think I can do that. I can’t be friends with you.”

Abby’s face fell. “Oh… I…”

“Let me finish. I have to get all of this out now or I might never be able to do it. There’s a reason why I can’t be friends with you, and it’s one that I’m having difficulty dealing with, and I’m hoping that you’ll be able to understand. A simple friendship is impossible between us because I can’t settle for that, not when I want you the way that I do.”

Abby’s eyes grew bigger and her heart dropped down to her stomach. ‘Whoa… this can’t be happening.’ She wanted to say something, but she didn’t want to interrupt him.

“I fell in love with you. From the moment we spoke those few words at the charity ball, I felt something. And every time I saw you after that it grew, it grew so fast, Abby. I’ve been beating myself up inside, cursing myself for letting it happen and not being able to stop it because I didn’t want to feel it.”

Brian’s voice cracked and for the first time since he started talking, Abby looked directly into his eyes. They were so blue, sparkling with tears, filled with love and confusion and pain. Her heart was breaking for him. She knew this had to be hard, harder than she could ever imagine. She loved him too.

“Right now, I honestly don’t know what to do. I knew that I had to tell you because it has been eating me up from inside and I just…” He was losing it, they both knew that. “I want to be with you, but I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you like I hurt Elizabeth. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if that happened.”

Two tears slid down his cheeks, and he wiped them away with the back of this hand. His legs were getting weak, so he sat down next to Abby and stared at the floor. She watched his body rise and fall with each ragged breath he took. Abby found herself trembling with the worry and anticipation from the whole situation. She took on of his hands in hers and laced their fingers together. She had no idea what she was going to say, but she knew it was her turn to say something.

“Brian, I know you’re scared because I’m scared too. You’ve had the pleasure of being in love before, and unfortunately you had to feel the pain of losing that love. I have never been in love before. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to expect, and I don’t even know what any of it means. But I do know that if we don’t take the chance now and see what can develop, then it will be too late.”

Brian slowly nodded his head in agreement.

Abby gave his hand a light squeeze. “Brian, you are such a wonderful man. You have the best personality, the best sense of humor and you have this killer smile that just… We both know what that smile can do. I’ve never known a man like you before. I can take one look at you, and it’s almost like I can see inside of you and feel what you’re feeling. It’s beyond weird but when you hurt, I was feeling the pain too, and when you were happy and smiling, I’d never felt better. I just wish you wouldn’t hide behind that pain so much. I wish you could learn to stop blaming yourself and get on with your life. But most of all I wish that you could love me and not feel bad about it.”

“Abby, it’s not like that. I don’t regret loving you…”

“Yes, you do. You feel guilty, you don’t want to feel love for me. You said that yourself.” She sniffed, let go of Brian’s hand and wiped her tears away. Standing up, she walked over to the same window Brian had been staring out of earlier and got lost in the darkness.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been standing there when she felt one hand on her shoulder and the other run down her arm. She could feel the heat of Brian’s body behind her. His lips were right by her ear when he whispered, “See. I hurt you already.”

“You didn’t.”

“I made you cry.”

“The emotions made me cry.”

“I brought out the emotions.”

“But that’s not a bad thing. It just shows that I’m alive and I have feelings.”

Brian wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and she rested her chin on his arms. They stood there for the longest time, unmoving, lightly breathing. The next step to take was still unclear. There were many possibilities as to where to go from there, but none of them seemed to strike as the right one.

The first movement came from Brian. He let his arms slid down only to settle again around her waist. Abby was pulled closer to him. Her breath caught when she felt his lips brush against her cheek. His hands moved on her stomach then on her sides, turning her around to face him. There were no tears, and the light in Brian’s eyes made it perfectly clear as to what was going down. He lifted a hand to her cheek, letting his thumb brush back and forth over her smooth skin.

“Bri…”

“Sshh…” Two fingers covered her lips. “Don’t… no words.”

Ever so slowly Brian leaned in a kissed her. It was soft at first, but soon grew as it filled with passion. “Want you… Need you… Love you…” Brian mumbled between kisses, leading Abby back to his bedroom.