Friday, 21st June.
It's my perogative to change my mind!!!
8 weeks ago I rejoined weight watchers. Despite going to the gym I was gaining weight and wasn't a happy camper. A young friend has lost a substantial amount of weight by following WW at home and she inspired me to return. I have been keeping a handwritten journal/tracker and have addressed my resistance to 'dieting'. I no longer consider what I do as dieting, rather learning to live with food and to understand how I use it for reasons other than nutrition.
I am also currently working night duty. This involves 7 nights straight and then 7 off. This coincided with my start at WW and I have found that, on the whole, working nights is a big help with weight loss. It's the days off that come unstuck. Anyway, I lost about 6 kilos by having good losses after my week on and then exactly a 1 kilo gain on each of my weeks off! I had a chat with my leader and have worked out a way to manage this better. I have also reached the point at which, in the past, I have tossed the whole thing. Thinking I can do it myself, don't need WW etc. So far I haven't given in to those thoughts.
I have decided to ressurect (again!) this space for some intermittent musings. I don't think I'll tell anyone, though. They will be sick of my on again off again journal.
I have cracked skin on the tip of my middle finger and it is becoming increasingly difficult to type with a bandage so I shall go and have my shower and maybe hit the shops.....(I luuurve my days off!)
I plan to be back here soon
Saturday, 22nd June.
I love sales! Yesterday I bought a simple black jumper and a serapace (I think that's how it's spelt), a cape/poncho-y thingy. I'm not a coat person and I get hot very quickly and HATE being hot. So this capey thing is great ... and makes me look almost elegant. Now THAT'S something I thought I'd never say! Over the past few weeks I've bought some lovely jumpers (I've found a gorgeous shop in my local shopping strip that has some really unusual clothes and they range in price from really reasonable to mortgage the house!). One is black with red and black ostrich feathers around the neck. A great one to wear when going out cos there is no way you could eat with them feathers in your face!
Last evening himself and I went to Chadstone and bought a heap of new bedding and towels. We think himself has an allergy to something cos he starts sneezing (and then snoring .... groan) at about 3.00am. We bought a new doona and new underlay and new sheets and he only sneezed a little bit. Maybe he's allergic to me. I hope it's not the cats cos after 25 years of marriage I'd really miss the old bastard! Today we went back and bought new pillows and covers for everyone and new towels for the boys' bathroom. I dread the next Amex statement. But hell .... it's such good fun and we saved HEAPS!!!!
We went to the gym and Pete (my results based trainer) got me working really hard on my abs. Once all the fat disappears I intend to have abs of steel!! Dinner is in the oven (roast beef and veges - all cooked without fat) and this is my danger time ... especially on a Saturday night. This is when I have a glass or seven of wine. I don't want to go without but need to exercise a bit of moderation. Maybe I should hang me feathers where I can see them and be motivated. We're going to middle son's girlfriend's mother's (got all that?!) housewarming in a couple of weeks and I want to wear the feathers with either my new denim skirt (from my special shop) or with a really lovely slinky black skirt. And I want to look slim(ish)!! I think I shall have a couple of corn thins and a glass of wine and see where I go from there. It's not the wine that does me in so much as the munchies I get when I've had too much wine.
As you can see .... not a lot has changed!!! But I'm happy within myself more and more often now and that is what counts when all is said and done.
I wonder when (if!) anyone will find this site again! I know that my link has been removed from a few sites .... well who wants to go places where nothing ever happens!!
nuff waffle for now .....
Sunday 23rd June
Well the wine bug did hit last night and consequently I ate more dessert than I had planned to do but, still, the damage wasn't overwhelming. I slept in really late this morning ... partly alcohol and mainly himself's snoring. Then we went shopping (I wore my elegant clothes!!) and bought some lamps from Ikea. Really cheap but they will serve the purpose until we can afford the ones I really want and then these can go into the rumpus/family rooms. I feel good about myself today. I was going to go to the gym but himself is sore from yesterday and although I can go without him (honestly I can!) he would have come with me and has a tendency to overdo things and injure himself. I shall go tomorrow.
Trish has a great section on her site called "in my trolley". She discusses new finds and one of them was Campbell's Country Ladle soups which are absolutely devine and very low in points. Tonight I shall have a large tin of farmhouse vege (about 2 points the lot) with a salad roll or something.
Have to go now. Fingers are playing up really badly ... work will be intersting as it hurts like hell when I wash them in the chemicals we have to use and they break down even more. Also String Bean is hovering waiting for me to take him for a driving lesson. And there is little more annoying than a hovering string bean!!!!!
Have a good week if there's anyone reading this .... sound a bit sad and pathetic, don't I?!! Well I'm not! I'm full of beans today.
Monday 24th June
Well last night turned into the usual disaster. Over a litre of wine/champagne. Looked at like that it's a hideous amount. Needless to say I feel like shit this morning. I don't sleep well with a skin full and for the first time in a while I have the anxiety attacks again. It's 9.30 and I'm still in my jammies. I've had breakfast and am feeling so disappointed in myself. At least there is no wine left in the house. I shall go to the supermarket early so I'm not tempted to go to the bottle shop. I will have another gain on Wednesday. It's crazy because I hate feeling like this and I know that these feelings are inevitable but I STILL keep repeating the same old behaviours.
Oh well. I'll put this behind me and keep on going. Regret is such a waste of emotion. I can't undo what's been done so I shall make today count.
As I was lying in bed trying to sleep and suffering from horrible gastric reflux (caused by too much alcohol!) it dawned on me that continuing to do this to myself is setting me up for any one of a number of nasty health consequences. Alcohol is toxic to every cell in the body. Continual abuse will cause permanent damage as surely as tobacco. The cancers are different but no less horrible. Not to mention the impaired memory, emotional impact on loved ones (I can be a very grumpy drunk), financial cost, high blood pressure (
that could explain a few things!) and so on.
What a misery guts I am today! On a different note ... here is a photo of Middle Son (who shall now be known as The Drummer) performing in some school thingy.
.
If I knew how to use photo shop I'd get rid of his red eyes but I love the energy in the picture and the look on his face (he'd just dropped his sticks bringing the group performance to an early finish but they did OK in the end!)
And this is my two brothers and yours truly when we were littlies (many, many, many years ago!) Hmm ... my posture was pretty lousy even then!
I still feel a bit odd putting things like this on the net (although I did 'borrow' The Drummer from his school site .... sshhh!) so don't be surprised if they disappear without a word!!!
Trish's journal is a daily read for me and she has seen me creep in through the back door. There is no hiding anything from that pig!
Now .... how to spend today. It's a glorious Melbourne Winter's day. The sun's out (for now at least) and I have the whole day to myself. I could go to the movies. I could do some washing. I am going to the gym with String Bean after school. I could go for a walk now. There's a new park I want to explore. I could curl up with my cats and read. Maybe I'll go to the movies tomorrow after my RBT session. Today I shall be gentle with myself and think some positive motivational thoughts. It's all well and good to identify some areas of our lives and behaviours that need some major overhaul but it can be to easy to slip into the old habit of negative self talk. My first feeling when I woke up this morning was that I was a fat, hopeless, drunken git who was no good at anything and who would never achieve her goals and desires. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am actually a normal human being with some baggage from the past and some poor coping strategies who needs to be a bit kinder to herself and those around her.
Enjoy yourselves ... whatever you choose to do today.
Tuesday 25th June
Isn't it a pain when you key in a huuuuge entry full of wisdom and insight and then mis-strike a key and lose the whole bloody lot!!!!!!! So ... an hour's worth of stuff down the drain .... TAKE 2!
I am going to have lunch now! My fingers are still cracked and I don't think I could face another hour of typing at the moment. And all my wisdom and insight has disappeared with my initial post!
I shall return later .......
Later....This is a bit how I feel at the moment!!! It's Tuesday (duh!) and tomorrow I have to weigh in and also start another week of night duty. I am tired (which was all explained in the post that wasn't which I'll re-explain later .... basically low iron levels) and I've had a couple of bowls of chippies and am on my second glass of wine. Himself has just walked in the door and I wish he would get going to gym so I can finish in here and then get dinner on the go. String Bean has finally got around to giving me some info so we can get his 18th (*sob*) organised for 17 DAYS TIME!! 30-40 TEENAGERS WITH GROG INVOLVED!!!! And I used to think the hardest part of a kid's birthday party was choosing the cake from the Women's Weekly Birthday Cake Book! Now I have to plan alcohol (no BYO ... we supply so we can control); food (by the truckload), do I clean my carpets before, after or both; letting the police know we're having a party; the neighbours (*shudder* don't want to even think about that one!) and all the other myriad of things that need to be addressed .... when String Bean thinks all he has to do is issue the invites and sit back and enjoy! Plus ... he arranged to share the party with a mate ... only for me to discover after I had said yes that the mate wasn't going to have an 18th and what I had assumed to be shared cost with other kid's parents is NOT likely to happen. It won't be a huge problem as they share friends and there will only be a couple who wouldn't have otherwise been invited but it pisses me off that someone would ride on the coattails of a mate in something like this. Oh wake up, Cat, and smell the coffee!!!
Better go and start dinner. We have The Drummer's girlfriend (much loved and welcome in this house .... something to be thankful for!)is staying for dinner, The Kid has gone off to karate and I'm waiting for Himself to go to gym, they will be home around 9ish but everyone else will want feeding ASAP. Any wonder I sometimes feel I'm running a restaurant.
Off to be creative .....
Thursday 27th June
A very quick update as I have just got home after my first night duty of 7 and I am feeling a tad stuffed.
I weighed in last evening and had a loss of 100g. Considering I normally GAIN a kilo on these weeks I was pleased although I didn't really deserve a loss. But then maybe I had toned myself down a little bit. Came home and had dinner ... didn't track but had slept all day so had all my points (I know I know NOT the way to do it!). Have tracked since midnight and I tried my leader's suggestion of eating every couple of hours through the night and I found it OK. Will be interesting to see how I go the rest of the week and what the scales say. Capmbell's Country Ladle pumpkin soup at 3.00 in the morning is just DIVINE!!
OK .... off to make a mug of hot chocolate and into bed ........
Friday 28th June
Really, really, quick one today. I've just got up after my day's sleep and the kids have brought their reports home from school. Least said soonest mended I guess! For the first time The Kid has had the best report. String Bean needs to understand that he needs to do some major damage control if he wants to pass year 12 and the Drummer .... well he is one of those kids that can only learn by experience and he and his teachers have an - um - interesting relationship with each other! He is academically very bright but does like to question things he thinks are unreasonable, unfair or wrong!!
On my front .... someone at work last night commented to one of my overnight colleagues that I looked as if Ihad lost a lot of weight. YIPPEE! It's the first time that someone who doesn't know I'm going to WW has commented.... even if it wasn't to my face!
I am very happy for my piggy friend who sounds as if she is getting well and truly on top of things again. Hang in there, piggo, it's a hard road but a worthwhile one.
Now .... shower, supermarket, dinner and work! It is very unlikely I will get the chance to update over the weekend and as it's school holidays I will be queuing for the computer over the next two weeks. Travel well, everyone.
