Sunday, 1st September

Pretty pink pansies for a spring background. I haven't minded winter too much. In fact I prefer it to summer. However, the feeling of spring in the air is lovely. My freesias and snowflakes are blooming and the perfume from the freesias is wonderful. I just love the spring bulbs. Unfortunately my yard does not get a great deal of sun, so I don't have many.

I've done a fair bit of walking today and my ankles and feet are telling me all about it. Walked to the shops and spent some of the birthday vouchers given me. The family were fairly insistent about buying something for the renovated bedroom. I was actually looking for a proper quilt as we use a doona only in the winter. The only one I liked was totally unsuitable. It was lacy and pale cream. Not a good colour with my husband likely to put goodness knows what on top of it. Not only was the colour against it. It cost $450! There is absolutely no way I could pay that for a quilt. I ended up buying a doona cover and pillow slips in colours which go really well. However, I checked out every store a couple of times which sold that sort of thing. Backwards and forwards around the centre and up and down on different floors too, as well as walking there in the first place. Caught the bus back, but still had about ten minutes walk home.

Wednesday, September 4, 4:30am

I'm sorry for the neglect and lack of entries. I have been distracted by concern about a tumour in my ear. Benign but leading to the destruction of the eardrum and hearing nerve. I hated the thought of an operation to remove it as I hate anything in my ears. Operations on my sinuses, of which I have had many, were bad enough. I've always had problems with ear and sinus infections from early childhood and my hearing has been significantly damaged by them. However about 8 weeks ago, my family GP said that he thought there was a tumour there. He assured me it was benign, but really that didn't change matters much. YUK!!

Yesterday, after having had an enormous microscope in my ear for about ten minutes, the ENT specialist announced that there was NO tumour! I am so grateful. Over the years, fluid accumulation has stretched the eardrum and it has fallen back into bone behind it. This has caused a worsening in my already defective hearing as the drum cannot resonate properly. It can be fixed surgically, but I was advised against it. Not worth the pain and trauma for the result.

However, the specialist strongly advised me to get hearing aids. He did another hearing test and levels have dropped since the last one a year ago and I know they were bad enough. I have finally decided that I really just have to make myself do this. He said quality of life will be vastly improved with them. Hate the thought of anything in my ears, but it looks as if I will have to persevere to find some I can live with. Rang the place he really recommends and managed to fluke an appointment for 8:30am this morning. Haven't been able to sleep, so got up early. I have been to other places before and tried them.

I think I was more stressed about this matter than I let myself realise. I've been fairly tense for a few days and actually wanting sweet stuff. I usually have a savoury taste. A couple of times I have had a sugar cube and that has helped. Hopefully now I can put this behind me and get back to doing what I know should be happening.

Sunday, September 9

Now you know what I have been doing since my last update. Well, not really. I've been babysitting and had computer problems as well. Son and DIL have moved to a place of their own, so that has been another distraction too.

I was given a mug by young grandson with "groovy gran" on it. She rides a skateboard and juggles oranges as well.I'm afraid my skills aren't quite upto that standard.

Well,those hearing aids have been orderd. I still am not looking forward to them, although I recognise that I need them. I just HATE things in my ears. The place the ENT specialist sent me to was very good. Guy wasn't a salesman, but out to find the best solution for me. Actually, the price quoted is $1000 less than I was quoted a year ago. I pick them up on Wednesday and have tehm fitted and exchanged. There is a free trial for a month and two more visits are scheduled in that time. Then an invoice is raised. The large firm I went to last year also has a month's free trial, but aids can only be swapped for something else in their range and have to be paid for at the beginning of the month. This I think seems a better solution.

It's a beautiful spring day here today. I made spinach and fetta pie for lunch. WOrks out at 4 points/serve if I were counting points, which I'm not. I had a lovely salad with it with all sorts of different salad greens in it and a very thin slice of homemade bread. This weighed only 30 gm but had cornmeal and creamed corn and some chili in it. Very tasty with the salad and no butter.

I've just fertiised all the plants on my back deck except those I plan on ripping out and replacing with something else. I used to have a lovely display there, but at the moment it looks very tired apart from my two big pots of cyclamen. I will walk to the nursery tomorrow and see what I can find. It's about 20 minutes away. I'd really like some window boxes in my bedroom windows too, but the sills have quite a slope on them. Must see what can be arranged.

Monday, 9th September

Thanks to my friend Caroline for this picture. This morning I feel a bit this way. It's beautiful here. I've done a couple of loads of washing nice and early and have even changed the sheets on the bed. Sometimes I convince myself that I will do it later, and later usually means just before I want to get into bed at night. My cats seem to know it's spring too, and are racing around. One of them runs down the back steps, then climbs a tree next door, scrabbles down, comes inside and does it all over again. Another has found a good spot in the sun and the third helped me hang out the washing. Nearly caused me to fall over by getting tangled in my feet.

More graffiti from Ginger Meggs this morning in the Sydney Morning Herald - "My life's learning curve is full of chicanes." I find that just when I think I have things figured out, something crops up. I mean, I could be all philosophical and apply this to all of my life, but for today, I am applying it to weight loss. Some of these chicanes are built by others. Obstacles are placed in my course, sometimes deliberately as sabotage, sometimes accidentally. Things like birthday parties and reunions and celebrations. Others are put there by myself. Buying foods I know I will eat too much of like peanut butter or good cheese. Eating too much because something was nice, or conversely, skipping a meal because I am in a hurry and then being starving at inappropriate times. Now these and a lot more like them are learning situations. Just as I need to steer around chicanes, I need to learn to steer around these and many more situations. No way would I aim my car straight at an obstacle on the road, yet that is what I often do with my eating. No wonder that I have an accident or crash! But it appears that I am often a slow learner.

Monday, 16th September,/p>

Life's been pretty busy around here for the last few days and today looks set to be more of the same. I'm planning on doing a lot of gardening around here today, and about time too. Things look somewhat scruffy after winter and I have several punnets of seedlings to plant and about six different pots of herbs. Mine have died over the winter, even the lemon thyme which I've had for years. I also bought a brown boronia. I know these are a bit temperamental, but this smells lovely and was only $5 for quite a decent sized bush.

I picked up the hearing aids and and have been slowly getting used to them. I am just about reconciled to having something in my ears, but I am still getting used to the actual effect of them. I am using the remote control quite a lot now to tone down background noise. We went to the Vietnamese place last night and the noise was dreadful. Lots of Asian languages becaue the place was full. At least this time, we weren't the only westerners there as we often are. The television was also on and tuned to channel 10 and was quite noisy. So that was a big learning situation. Church was also interesting in the morning to get a balance between music and speech.

Friday we spent doing a final clean at mother-in-law's house before tenants moved in. That was a long day. Sarah picked me up early from another son's place asd we drove to Manly. At least, that was our intention. They have a beautiful,big Jaguar car and we broke down. How embarrassing! There was something wrong with the petrol feed from one of the tanks. We broke down not once, but several times and finally abandoned the car at Allambie Heights and caught a cab the rest of the way. Fortunately, we were in an industrial estate and a Silver Service taxi pulled up. He must have thought we qualified for a ride in his car because we were in a Jag. We transferred all our gear, mops, buckets, vacuum cleaner etc and took off. It was nice to be in a beautifully maintained cab for a change. The last one I was in had dreadful suspension. I think the shock absorbers needed replacing. We cleaned etc and put up blinds and curtains for all the day. Peter finally arrived from work in another cab and we went back to the Jag. Followed them home to Hornsby with a few minor stoppages on the way. Had dinner there and finally arrived home just after 10.

Yesterday was church in the morning and then two trips to nurseries in the afternoon. And so the next week starts.

Food hasn't been too bad. More good choices than bad, except for the pastizzi Peter heated for dinner on Friday night at their house. Still, I had done a lot of exercise that day and was starving. It was quite late to eat. With the weather warming up, salads have looked very inviting. I bought a couple of sweetbite tomato plants yesterday, so hopefully I'll soon have fresh tomatoes to eat. Am planning smoked salmon and salad for lunch and wanrt to get something seafood for dinner which will be just for myself. It looks like a reasonable day ahead.

Saturday, 21st September

Still using husband's computer. Son is on the lookout for a new one for me at a very decent price. Till then, he would rather that mine wsn't turned on as he wants to use its dying breaths to transfer data across.

I'm gradually becoming accustomed to the hearing aids, but I find it takes a lot of my energy and concentration. The audiologist was amazed at the number of different experiences I had fitted in in the first week. I think that I need to do a lot of different things, so I can make an informed decision at the end of the month's trial. I still find group situations difficult, but am improving at managing them.

Yummy dinner tonight. I made spring rolls with the rice vermicelli, some marinara mix and some prawns and coriander. Also some grated fresh ginger and finely chopped garlic. I really wanted to amke the cold Vietnamese type, but couldn't find the rice paper wrappers in Burwood, so used the ordinary ones. My husband likes them steamed, and I would much rather have them fried. (Naughty, I know.) I sprayed them and then baked them till they were crunchy and brow. Very nice with some chili sauce. Low in points and fat.

Good find shopping this morning.A apck of Paul's Ultra Lite Sour Cream in little individual sachets. They are quite low in points and will be great for just a single serve. There won't be the temptation of a partly used tub in the fridge either. About $2, when the same amount in a tub would be about $1.40. However, I think the convenience will outweigh the extra cost.

October 2, Wednesday.

Now just where did the time go to? I find it really awkward not being able to use my own computer. Can't sort of spread myself around and have access to my own favourites and clipart and so on. I'll have to wait till the weekend to start a page for October

Was away for a few days at a conference and have been busy other wise. Spent the afternoon shopping for a birthday present for eldest son. Don't tell anyone, but his birthday was 10/9. We are just catching up and will have a family dinner on Friday night. He wanted som oversize glasses for red wine. I didn't buy the very biggest, but the next size down. they are Royal Doulton and weren't the most expensive or the cheapest either. However, they loook like nice glass and they feel good to hold and that's important.

I've been having lots of salads for lunch and have been able most days to sit outside and look at the flowers. Dinner has been varied but I'm tired of thinking about it at the moment. I imagine most of us go through that stage from time to time. I know it takes my husband about three days of cooking to be unable to do anything in the kitchen. Am making small pies in muffin tins for tonight and might have salad with them.

Seem to have had all three grandchildren here at different times lately. Computers and toddlers do NOT mix well. Will adjust my index page to say "October" and hopefully can spend some time on this at the weekend.

Wednesday, October 9

Robbie Burns said something about the best laid plans of mice and men... And that was what I found at the weekend. I would have needed a crowbar to prise my husband away from his computer and I couldn't get anywhere near it. I will be so relieved to have my own back at some stage, hopefully soon. Quicker and more reliable too. Mine has been touchy for quite a while.

Today is cold while yesterday was 34 degrees in Sydney. Freak weather it was called and many houses were burnt or damaged by fire yesterday. Dreadful start to the season, particularly as most of the country is in drought and this is just the beginning of summer. I am relieved that the valley opposite my son's place was burnt just a couple of weeks ago. Still some fuel there, but nowhere near as much as there was.

It's been so long since I wrote here that I am having trouble working out what I want to say! One thing I do want to say is "Happy Birthday" to my friend Trish. I'll have to look for some graphics for you when I get back into my own study.

Summer fruit is beginning to come in and the strawberries are quite cheap and good at the monet. Actually taste like strawberries. Quite often these days, they don't. I have no trouble eating my fruit daily in the summer but get very bored with winter fruit. Peaches were at the fruit market the other day. They looked OK but had no aroma. I spent some time on the weekend clearing out some of the jungle from the backyard and have planted a lot of herbs and some tomatoes. Must also get some beans going. Nothing quite like picking something only a few minutes before eating it.

Paid for my hearing aids today. Over $3000 and it could have easily been well over double that. I am slowly getting used to them and trying new situations.

One head cold going cheap. Will gladly give it away. Any takers? I came down with a cold yesterday and have been feeling pretty out of it since then. I even had a midday nap yesterday. Slept last night but kept waking myself up snuffling.

Some good news. I am hopefully getting a new computer tomorrow, although I will have to wait till one of my computer literate sons sets it up.. I could do most of it myself and my husband could also do it. However, there is a need to connect with the network etc and we don't have the software to fix that properly. It's easier to get Tim or Pete to do it well the first time than have to go tracing problems from my husband's shortcuts.

Eating? It's been so so. Not really too bad and I am being careful. Last night's meal was a big cook up of eight different vegetables and some fresh herbs. Tasted good and I could have it when I wanted instead of waiting for my husband to come home. It is probably just an excuse, but I really feel that this journal is a big help in tracking what I eat. I don't necessarily mean points, but just being careful. Since I have had only few opportunities for updates, I have not paid as much attention to it as I should have done. Some of the sense of responsibility has gone.

Now that seems a silly thing to have happened and in a way it is. I'm old enough to take responsibility for my own actions. I know that, but it just seems that something has changed in my outlook mentally. When I get my own computer back, I will feel free to spend more time checking out my friends' journals etc. I always find that a help.

What an absolutely beautiful day here today. It doesn't fit with the news from Bali in any way. What a terrible thing to happen! My heart goes out to all those hurt and to the families of all who have been killed. I also feel for all those who live in Washington where the sniper attacks have been taking place.

It doesn't seem right to talk about food etc in these circumstances. However, I really think that one of the aims of terror is to make us stop our normal courses of action. Disrupt our lives and make us live in fear. If that is achieved on any large scale, we might as well all just give in.

So I'll start again. It is a perfectly beautiful day here today. The whole state desperately needs rain, but I hope it holds off for just a few more days. I have two friends being married on Saturday. Katy's wedding is outside, while Lyndall's is at a church near Epping. Fine weather would be beautiful for these two.

We bought a new computer for me last Saturday. It will be ready tomorrow, although I will need to have it installed to the network and the hard disc partitioned properly etc. Cordless mouse and keyboard too. I can hardly wait.

I made a great meatloaf for lunch yesterday to have cold with salad. There was some veal mince in the freezer which I thawed. Put quite a lot of grated ginger and garlic, some celery, onion and finely chopped cooking apple and a lot of fresh herbs in it. MIL looked at it suspiciously and took one small slice. She did have another later. Turned up her nose at the two different salads but begrudgingly took some. I'm finding it a real nuisance to have her here every Sunday. I have to have a proper meal for her and things like baked beans on toast when it was cold were not a winner. Husband seems to think I am deliberately cooking things she won't eat. That is just not true. We always have a lot of salads when the weather is warm. I feel petty for resenting her and struggle with this myself. However, spur of the moment trips to the shops, or a ferry ride or picnic just can't happen now.

I laughed (to myself at least yesterday). She commented on how much she enjoyed the sermon at church. Every time I looked her way, she was so soundly asleep that her head had slipped to the side. I suppose she enjoyed the sleep. I thought at one point that she might have had another small stroke, but she seemed OK afterwards. Her head had slipped to one side, her mouth was wide open and her tongue fell out of the corner of it. Looked absolutely revolting.

Congratulations to my friend Trish who is going to lose 10kg in the time before Christmas. She has been an inspiration to so many of us. Unfortunately, Trish has had some very unpleasant things happen in her life this year. I know as women that we are able to multi-task. However, I also know that there are times when weightloss just has to go on the back burner and Trish has been struggling through some of those times. I don't say "good luck," Trish, but rather send you my love and best wishes and any support I can give. Just a small return for what she has already given out.

I'm an Aussie and proud of it, so I fly the flag. I fly it with sorrow for all those who have been killed and for all who grieve and I fly it with pride for those Australians who were there and who pitched in to help in so many different ways. And I fly it with shame for the few paltry remarks made by our Governor General before flying off to Cairo. The contrast between his behaviour and that of Sir William Deane, his predecessor, is marked. Sir William showed compassion and kindness and was immediately on the scene of many disasters. A visit by Hollingworth to another country may have been the equivalent of a "state visit" anfd difficult to arrange. However, he could have done much more. He could have visited hospitals, the injured, grieving families. He could have been a rallying point for the nation. Has he? He has been conspicious by his absence and silence.

Another thing I feel strongly about is a remark made comparing the Bali bombing to the two towers in New York. It has been called Australia's September 11. It was also noteed that per capita, more Australians in Bali died than Americans last year! Come off it. What is this? Some senseless form of competition? All these were PEOPLE who died. Another thing which annoys me is the mindless repetition of the footage of the bombings being replayed day after day on TV news bulletins. I believe that all this does is to desensitise the viewers and to strip compassion from them.

I hope I haven't offended anyone with what I have just said. I am absolutely appalled at the slaughter and at the thought that other people could plot and carry out plans for such things as this. My heart goes out to all who have lost friends and families and I grieve with them

I'm back from babysitting Mya again this week. She and her mum were both sick last week. She was pleased to see me and gave me lots of cuddles.

We walked up to the local shops to get some veges for dinner and had a drink at the local fast food place. Their coffee is dreadful and without thinking I ordered a caramel milkshake. It was very nice and I haven't had one for years, but not an act I should repeat. We've been there before and she is also used to being in a cafe. Usually, she just sits and drinks her juice and then we go to the park. Somehow yesterday, she tipped the juice over and made a grab for it. Didn't get the juice but collected my milkshake container and over that went too. Most embarrassing. The young fellow who cleaned up said they had lots worse happen. Perhaps so, but this was me. Don't feel like going there again in a hurry.

Congratulations to my friends Lyndal and Katy who are both getting married tomorrow. One ceremony is in the morning and the other in the afternoon. It looks like a good day for a wedding. Best wishes to you and may your marriages be very happy.

Another, day another entry. As you can probably tell, I was feeling a tad stressed yesterday when I made an entry here. The stress just accumulated and I woke this morning with a dull headache that I couldn't exactly pin down but was there nevertheless. Mostly family stuff and also more with MIL. Sarah took her to the ophthalmologist yesterday and had to put up with several hours of complaint after complaint. However Sarah drew the line when MIL started to call me all sorts of nasty things and to say that I had been stealing her jewellery and other things. Told her firmly that what she was saying was quite untrue and to shut up. However, on top of everything else that had happened that afternoon, I just felt sick. No problem of reacting to stress by eating. I couldn't eat anything.

More problems in my brother's family. His wife has liver cancer after bowel cancer. Oncologist says no more can be done and has put a timeframe of just a few months. She is in pain although she hides it well and her skin is beginning to turn yellow althugh she is hiding that with makeup. However, my brother has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. He had a scare a few years ago so has had regular checks and blood tests and prognosis is good. He hasn't yet decided on surgery or chemotherapy or both. However, something still has to be done and done quickly, while his wife is still able to look after their nine year old son. I suppose all this added to my headache.

Had an enjoyable stress free morning with my friend at the wedding of a girl we have both known for over ten years. We didn't go to the reception because of prior engagements, but there was a lavish morning tea after the ceremony. All I had was a glass of juice and half a small,very fresh, unbuttered fruit scone. I was quite proud of myself. We were able to catch up with some old friends whom we hadn't seen for ages, so that was great. Wedding was lovely and Lyndal looked beautiful. Now the eating for the rest of the day just has to match the start.

Tuesday, 22nd October.

Am feeling fairly rotten this morning. Had some sort of tummy bug last night and have had just on three hours sleep, and that was disturbed. I think I'll resort to 30 minutes nap time after lunch and see if that makes a difference.

We bought a new mattress and base last week, the final purchase for the renovated bedroom, I hope. It was to have been delivered last Tuesday, but four different excuses were made as to why it couldn't be. So today was set for delivery. Guess what? It came yesterday! Just as I was getting ready to go out. We spent last night getting it set up.

I took out a castor from it so I could buy the right size cup for them to protect the newly polished floor. Then I noticed that there were only six instead of nine castors. This is from one of the oldest department stores in the state! Couldn't buy either castors or cups at the local large hardware store, so I rang my husband who rang store. Surprise! They had just found three castors and were wondering what to do with them. They were going to deliver them, but I wasn't too sure they could do even that, so I went there and collected them. Got a fair bit of exercise in yesterday afternoon with walking. While I was waiting for my husband to ring me back, I had a cup of coffee. What a mistake. It was the worst cup of coffee I've had in a long time and that includes Starbucks which tastes like overheated mud. I could still taste it an hour later and eventually bought some peppermint gum to clear my mouth.

As any regular readers know, I have been fairly quiet on weighty issues. I've been careful but have not been tracking. The inevitable has happened and I've put on several kilos since I last weighed myself. Couldn't tell you when that was. So I have had to pull myself into line and do things properly. So I lost 1.5 kg last week. This morning when I was tempted to have something I didn't really want and certainly didn't need, those 1.5 kg flashed into my mind and I closed the jar. On the way again.

I'm home by myself again this evening and have planned some more vegetables for dinner with some sort of sauce. Meat just doesn't interest me at the moment although I did have two small, skinny, non-fatty sausages at BBQ at son's last Sunday. Someone else cooked that and I didn't have to think about it or clean up after. I could quite happily live substantially as a vegetarian for most of the time with the occasional BBQ or roast.