I suppose I could comment on the fact that it's May already, but really it's self-evident. And autumn seem to have decided to have arrived, a month late by the calendar, and catching most people around here by surprise, or so it seems.

On Friday, I had a hair cut appointment so left home quite early. DIL picks me up at the station, we drop Mya off at preschool and then I have the first appointment of the day. When I arrived at her place, she had new trakkies on and a short sleeved T- shirt. "Don't you know it's cold , Grandma? Why are you wearing that red skirt? You should have oughter put proper pants on like these," she said, indicating her trakkies. We did manage to get a warmer top on her before she went out.

As I sat waiting for the bus to Pymble station later I could feel the chill in the wind. Lovely day in the sun but cool in the wind. Saturday I spent at a conference at Macquarie Uni. It was a beautiful day weather-wise. Far too pleasant to be inside. And then the cold came on Saturday evening. The night was really chilly here and we put an extra blanket on top of the cellular cotton one we have been using. I wondered why I still froze, even with a woollen blanket. In the morning I found out why. Husband had pulled the woollen one all over him. It hung on the floor on his side and all that was over me was the corner of the blanket as he had pulled it at a slant. He was most put out when I complained!

Yesterday was cold too. We have had so much warm weather and the summer has been so hot, that the cold feels more than the thermometer says. Of course, because the sun was shining, MIL had just a summer dress on. If there are clouds, out come the cardigans etc. Doesn't matter if it's hot or not.

I'm looking forward to a quiet day here today. I was out most of Friday, all of Saturday. Yesterday we had people for lunch, quite unexpected and not really welcome. I wasn't the one who asked them and when I said, "NO!" they had already been asked. So they ate leftovers. Then late in the day #2 son rang to ask the gate code to get in to see MIL in the nursing home. So they all came here for dinner. We actually ordered Mario's pizza from down the road. I haven't had one of those for about a year. It was wonderful, well up to his usual standard. I had three small pieces. Andrew and Tora played around and MIL watched a video of old Warner Bros cartoons. She was offended at not being offered pizza. She had already had her dinner when we arrived. She has had pizza here before and didn't like it. Why waste any when she didn't need or like it? She grumbled a bit when we pointed out she had already eaten. She had soup, frankfurts, vegetables and several pieces of bread. She couldn't have been hungry. We went back to her room and Mark was in trouble because he threw out some stuff. I haven't been there for ages and found she had some dried figs, half a packet already gone. Dried fruit messes her sugar levels enormously. Then Mark found some figs in a mug. Growing mould on them, so he threw them down her toilet so she couldn't rescue them from the waste paper bin after we left. I saw she had a container with cream biscuits in it. ("No, I never eat biscuits.") Not only that, but on her bedside table were several currant luncheon type biscuits, not even in a container or on a plate. They looked soft. And she had brought back a plate from the dining room with several more slices of bread with thick butter on them, just in case she was hungry later. No wonder she has put on so much weight.

I shouldn't be criticising, I suppose. I really had too much to eat at the conference n Saturday. They get a café in Glebe to do the catering each year because they are good. Morning tea was good coffee or tea or cold drinks with lovely friands or beautiful small Portuguese tarts. Lunch ; half bagels filled with large amounts of salad and other fillings like chicken, camembert and avocado. Really nice. Afternoon tea was a booklaunch of two books and the Co-op Bookshop put on a lavish spread of both sweet and savoury things with soft drinks and red/white good wine out of bottles, not casks. Needless to say, I did not want or eat dinner that night.

So now I have to get my mind around what to eat tonight. I have a little leftover corned meat in the fridge but think I will have that for lunch. Feels like curry weather. Perhaps vindaloo. We'll see.

Wednesday, May 5th

Another picture perfect autumn day here today. Blue sky, wispy little clouds and lots of sunshine. Absolutely beautiful. I haven't done a great deal. I felt really down yesterday, more than just "blah." I couldn't get warm either, so perhaps there was something wrong with me. Anyway, I feel heaps better today so will stop whinging.

I've made dinner for tonight and have only to put it in the oven to heat. Not only that, but I've washed up everything I used in the preparation of it. Now I only have to make a salad. It's just tuna pasta bake, but we hardly ever have it so I'll enjoy it.

My SIL saw a counsellor yesterday and will probably go into respite care if she can get a single room. The counsellor later told my brother that Edward must be told. We've all been saying this but he has resisted. I can really understand his reluctance to say something, but Edward needs some preparation. The respite will really be for my brother and Edward, but SIL sees it as for herself. She believes that are hindering her recovery. The counsellor stressed to my brother and to Margaret my sister that she has no medical background but that she could see, just like everyone else, that SIL has not long to go. It's really deceptive of her to tell Edward that she is recovering. Can you imagine how he will feel down the track when he realises she was deceiving him deliberately? Just horrid.

This will probably be only short as it is now nearly 10:00pm and I have been awake since 3"00 am this morning. However, tomorrow is shaping up as busy and I didn't want to leave it till Monday.

We had another lovely fish platter at lunch today, sitting near the river. I was able to take some photos but haven't had a chance to play with them and resize them so they are smaller. I'll perhaps post a couple later next week. We also bought 500 gm of prawns and sat and shelled them while we were still out. I made prawn laksa for dinner, but it wasn't one of my most successful meals. Don't quite know what happened. I fished the prawns and other pieces of vegetable out and left the liquid. At least that would have cut down on the amount of coconut milk that I ate. LOL. I really don't use much, just one of the smallest tins, but I would have had hardly a teaspoon of it tonight.

I've now finished the front and back of Andrew's jumper. The front has a sailing boat knitted into it. Just the sleeves to go. I'm planning on something less ambitious for his sister and cousin. The wool I chose was $5.50/50gm ball in the city. I was at Spotlight at Birkenhead Point the other day and checked out their wool. Same, brand, type, size was $3.30 per ball and my membership card got me a discount even on that. I chose a purple colour which will suit both the girls' darker colouring and the clothes I know they have.

Mother's Day tomorrow. We've managed to cut out presents in my family, and I make it quite clear I do not want anything. However we have a massive gathering with mothers from the family all invited. Just a simple BBQ and salads. Often we watch the hockey at Homebush, but I don't think Sarah is playing tomorrow.

I can hardly keep my eyes open. I'll update tomorrow if I get the time, but I think it might be Monday.

Tuesday, May 11

Well. It was Tuesday, not Monday, before I got around to updating again. I'm not sure what happened to yesterday, but I obviously wasn't in here!

It's an absolutely beautiful day here today, but very chilly this morning. Down to 7° on the deck. Not as cold as -8° at Charlotte Pass yesterday, but chilly for Sydney in May. However the sun is shining and there are no clouds. That's a pity in one way, as we desperately need rain. Good in another, however. One of the cats chucked on my nearly new, woollen blanket this morning. I've cleaned it up and then washed the blanket with a load of eucalyptus woolwash. It's now draped over the line in the sun and will dry well.

I had a lovely Mother's Day. Every year I tell my sons, "No presents." Usually they stick to it, but this year they were all very disobedient. We had a lovely lunch at Tim and Bec's place. Just a BBQ, but plenty of food. I was given plants, a lovely silver pendant and a photo, taken from an old slide we had. It is of me and my eldest son, then just 16 months old, on teh ight his brother was born. Peter took all our old slides months ago and has been working his way through them, discarding the rubbish and cataloguing the others and transferring them to CDRoms. They've printed this one off and Sarah framed it. She's done a fantastic job and it looks great. She's very good at that sort of thing and has all the right equipment.

I came away feeling that I had eaten far too much. I didn't have any dinner because I just didn't want anything. When I really looked back, it wasn't all that much at all, particularly spread over two meals. Just shows how it is easy to get used to smaller quantities. I had two chevup sausages and one tiny cutlet. Not much there, even if I did count points. Some potato bake, and a small spoonful of a couple of salads. I did have a small slice of pavlova for dessert which I don't normally eat. One beer and a very small glass of wine were all I had to drink over several hours, and I was FULL! I didn't even have a breadroll. A good day, even though it rained and the grandkids had to play inside.

SIL was to go into respite care. However, they couldn't get a single room and she refused to share. I can understand that. I wouldn't want to be in a room with three other peole who were at death's door. However, she has gone to her mother's for a couple of weeks. She told her sister she ws tired of struggling and feeling dreadful and her sister actually suggested that she let go. Perhaps SIL now is beginning to understand she won't recover. Her son was with my brother at the weekend in the garden and asked if she was going to get better. She has been telling him she will. My brother told him no, she won't recover. I think that deep down he has known this for a long time. However, he really needed to be told. He didn't say much but I'm sure he'll process this in his mind. The mother of his best friend is takng him to school and my brother is collecting him from after-school care in the afternoon. I think it's good his mother is out of the house but still alive. He can make some sort of routine for both of them and he can start getting used to her not being there. Sorry to have all this here, but I need to be able to write about it and my husband is useless in this situation. He has no understanding of their character and of the family dynamics involved. He would go at things like a bull at a gate and they would be deeply offended by his approach.

I woke with a headache this morning which felt like another tension headache. I think I need to up the exercise and do some more meditation type stuff to help deal with it.

That said, it's a beautiful day and I think I'll go for a walk down to the local park to blow away some of the tension and cobwebs.

Wednesday 12th May

No walking outside for me today. We have had very gusty, strong winds today although it was a much warmer morning than yesterday. I think if I'd been outside, I would have done nothing but sneeze.

I had computer problems this morning. Everything was fine when I went to bed last night, but when I tried to open my email this morning, all I could get was a box saying that the document had no data. This was strange because I have a couple of email addresses with different clients and they all said the same thing. Hastily did another virus scan. Nothing. Adaware and Spybot were both run. As I thought, nothing showed up. We have an external hardware firewall built for industry not home use. I didn't think anything had got past it. Rang one son who suggested a couple of things which didn't help. Finally I decided there was some conflict in Windows XP and I ran several updates. Voilà! Everythng worked. Rang my son and he said that happens sometimes, even though there is no apparent reason for fault or fix. Anyway, I'm happy it's working.

We needed a battery for one of the handsfree phones here so went to Burwood this afternoon. My husband was actually home early as he was stood up by the same fellow who stood him up last Saturday. They were supposed to be finishing off some painting at his mum's place before new tenants on the weekend. This time, the guy didn't even ring or answer his own phone. I told my husband that perhaps he had a sign on his back which said "sucker." Not impressed.

I thought I would just have a look and see if there was anything cheap in the supermarket. I must have been just at the right time. A big bag of lemons was 0.50 cents. Two big bags of nice looking potatoes at 0.90 cents each. A bag of pears for 0.50 cents and a big bag of bananas for $1.00. Meat also was on special. Lots of trays of chicken thigh fillets for $2, so I bought several. Some trays of slices of turkey breast for the same price. My husband isn't keen on turkey, but if nothing else they will make soup stock. I might try some in a stirfry with an Asian sauce and not tell him what it is. Quite a few other bargains for $2 and $3.

I've been picking at stuff all day. I think it is stress relief, although I don't normally do that. Most of what I've been nibbling has been healthy food, but I really didn't need all I had. It wasn't as cold as yesterday, so I can't blame that. One advantage of not buying sweets and chocolates is that I can't eat them on the odd occasion when I react this way. Not that I eat much sweet stuff or chocolate at all. But I do eat cheese and I do eat peanut butter. I managed to stay away from that. All I had left was some Farmland brand and I'll have to use that up in cooking. It tastes revolting, full of sugar. I didn't buy it. It slipped into the trolley when my husband walked past the display. It's awful. I even had some lite microwave popcorn this afternoon!

Better day tomorrow, I hope.

Friday, May 14th

I know people talk about binges but this is a binge and a half. I cannot imagine what she was planning to do with all this. Well worth a look.

My husband is off to Inverell for several days. He left early this morning and I've been really busy since. I've changed the sheets even though they were only a couple of days old. The bed is more comfortable changed and will stay that way till he gets back. Washed the sheets, aired the doona in preparation for winter, washed my stuff, washed a cotton blanket before storing it, got everything off line, sorted and put away, dusted, vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom and sorted all the papers on the dining room table which is a convenient spot to store just about anything. At least I know that any mess in the next few days is of my own making. I'm having baked chicken and salad for dinner and that is all prepared too and I've opened some fresh wine, a nice merlot.

We ate out last night at a tiny Chinese place in walking distance from here which is recently opened. It's rather grandly called "Sam's Café Australia" in contrast to one he had in Singapore. The service was good and the food was great. It's dearer than our favourite Vietnamese but still cheap. The décor is amazing. Every wall is a different bright colour. There's a mishmash of coloured plates and glasses. I think this is deliberately done, not just being cheap stuff picked up at Vinnies. Two chairs for people waiting for takeaway have backs shaped like a hand with the fingers separate. Tables are substantial wood which are very sturdy and the seats are banquettes like an old fashioned milk bar, all again in different colours. Halogen lights hung in groups from the ceiling and under each one was suspended a brightly coloured glass ball which reflected the light above. Just amazing. I chose salt and pepper king prawns and my husband chose another seafood dish. Well cooked and not at all greasy. We'll go back there and we can walk to and from as well.

I tried, I really did. I have been reading the WW forum. Somebody posted in there under the name "Alicesprings." These were lighthearted posts picking up on the subject line or matter of the threads. They were really quite clever ansd funny. One post was deleted when the poster aw that it was a serious thread about depression. She said she was not out to belittle people with such problems. Usually the posts were a quick reply. or a bit of a play on words.

A group of women feel deeply offended. They are obviously paranoid about something, or else their egos are grossly inflated and they need to bring them into line with the real world. They claim they are being attacked and even mentioned things like "rat poison" when it was pointed out that Alice had posted some good recipes too. The thread is now at nearly 90 entries.

Last night I decided enough was enough and suggested that this was a lighthearted thread from someone with a quick wit and a mind that can readily play on words. I suggested that people need to lighten up. I received a supporting post. This morning others are complaining about being viciously attacked etc etc. They need to get a life if they are so paranoid.

I'll update later. I'm off to doctor for a BP check.

Later...

The thread I mentioned above has now ballooned to over 100 replies. I can see some are having fun with it. Others are deadly serious. They need to chill out and lighten up. It's totally ridiculous.

Kiwi Jo and her husband Chris have just become the proud parents of a baby girl, Rhian Elizabeth. Some lovely photos. Drop over and leave congratulations in her guest book.

I went to Burwood after my trip to the doctor. I'm looking for a good top,jacket etc to wear to a wedding in July when it could well be cold. I have several good skirts and a great overcoat, but can scarcely wear an overcoat all through a reception. I was looking for a jacket, ot another top to wear instead of the pne I plan on. I was even considering a big wrap, shawl etc. I have one, but it's black, not very wedding like.

No jackets any where I like that are in any colour than black. I found a nice top, but it was in a muddy pink. Looked really great till I put it on. Then I looked terrible. I love all those muddy colours and dark greens and so on, but they make my complexion look dreadful. Found another but it was too pale. Then I found a big wrap. Sort of a cross between a cape and a wrap. Knitted velour in just the colour I need. On special, it was $150. I won't get a lot of wear out of it, so forgot that one too. Couldn't find a shawl anywhere either. I could knit one, but already have other projects under way and I don't have the time. And I think all of grace Bros mirrors have been changed since they returned to being Myers. Rotten shop mirrors! Perhaps I'd better hope it's a mild day and I can wear my really good blouse without needing anything more.

I'm making vegetable curry with pumpkin and kumara and chick peas for dinner. It says to serve with naan. I think I might try making some.

I see it's a few days since I was in here last. I'm not too sure where those days disappeared to, but they've definitely gone. I spent a good part of one day working on a template for a blog for someone. Run by BLOGGER, it was a template supplied by them but needed some tweaking. I really don't know much about it but volunteered. Because I am not sure what I am doing, I constantly have to stop to see what I have achieved. The HTML I can handle. It's the Java that gives me problems and where to place the HTML in the already prepared template. Very frustrating. Finally something worked and the whole thing fell into pplace. The annoying part is that I'm not really sure of what I finally did.

One day I sat outside in the sun and knitted. It's been years since I've done this much knitting. It's almost contemplative or meditative. This has been good. My nephew has had it spelled out that his mother won't recover. His reaction was to be expected. "She's got to get better, she keeps telling me she's getting better. She can't die!" I think the deception is as bad as the fact she will die for him. She's moved to her mother's place and my brother has told Edward that she won't be home. They visit but things are very hard. Her mother thought the other day that she had gone into a coma, she slept for over 24 hours, but then woke up. I don't know anything about such things, perhaps it was a mini-coma.

This is Andrew's jumper. We took it out to him last night but he was in bed and sound asleep when we got there. He's been looking forward to it. I think it will be too big around his middle because although he is well above average height for his age, he is extremely skinny, just like his father and uncles, my other two sons. They've inherited my father's genes, as has my own brother, while my sister and I have the maternal figure. Rats! I'm making a tunic for his sister. It comes down below the bottom so hopefully she will get a couple of years wear out of it.

We ate Vietnamese last night before we went out there. I wasn't very hungry so had a small bowl of chicken/corn soup with crab meat and two of their ricepaper cold prawn rolls. These have 4 prawns, a bit of lettuce, shallot, vietnamese mint and a couple of tablespoons of rice vermicelli noodles. Served with some dipping sauce with chilli. Very nice and a total of about $6.

We were late back and just as we turned the light out, a rescue fire engine pulled up outside our house. Also a police car and ambulance. They seemed to force their way into the house two doors upwhere a fairly unpleasant, argumentative old man lives. Allergic to both soap and deodorant I would guess. They were all there for almost an hour. The fire engine left its engine running and had at least nine brightly flashing lights going all that time, not forgetting the lights from the other vehicles. Ambulance drove away with no light or siren. I haven't yet found out what happened. The rest of the night was very disturbed too and I've had about three hours sleep in total. It's grey and cloudy here and I feel the same way. I've fianlly given in and taken some Panadol for the bad headache I have and I've made myself some Earl Grey tea which usually helps too.

I went to the city yesterday to try to find something for a wedding in early July. I was surprised. A visit there would once have meant a cup of coffee and a gooey cake. Yesterday, I didn't even have the coffee. My local shop sells coffee at least as good as any in the city. I think the cake was once part of the coffee deal. I wasn't even tempted, not even by the lovely looking cakes in the shops in the Queen Victoria Building.

Time for some salad for lunch and to make some bread. I have just a crust left from the last loaf. Then I need to make something for dinner, or at least think about it.

I can hardly keep my eyes open tonight so probably won't have much to say. My husband had a car accident yesterday. Noone was hurt but I think he has wrecked the car's suspension and steering. He went around a right hand corner and hit the kerb on the left. Ths is the fourth time he has done this over a few years. I was not impressed and said he must have been going too fast. All I was told was that the road was wet. That could well have been a contributing factor to it, but I still thing he was not driving to suit the conditions.

He was fortunate he could get a lift home from work. However, he insisted on going out to a dinner last night. He had to go by train to Hurstville. Rather, two trains. He was brought home all the way but still did not get home till well after 11:00pm. The girl who gave him a lift yesterday took him today. However, she was rostered on to start at &:00 am, so he had to be ready by 6:15. Couple in his snoring most of the night, and I did not get much sleep.

I went out to the Museum at Macquariie Uni this afternoon. I go each year when my friend takes his ancient history class there. We were very well treated today. The guy giving the talk forgot about us lst year and we had the trip in vain. Also treated to afternoon tea, although I had one biscuit only and a cup of black tea. I didn't get home till 5:30 and had to decide what to do for dinner. I had a strip of lamb sirloin which I bought cheaply yesterday. I put potato on to cook and chopped onion. Then I fried the sirloin for a few minutes each side. Mashed potatoes, cooked corn and peas. Browned the onion, and stirred in some peppercorns from a tin, a bit of cream and some honey/mustard sauce. It was ready quickly and tasted really good, although I would have preferred pasta to potatoes.

Must go before I fall asleep on the keyboard. I ws going to Spotlight tomorrow because they have a sale on wool. However, I've just remembered there is a schools strike, so I might leave it till Friday.

Thursday, 27th May

I slept for over twelve hours last night. It was great and I am thankful for it. Also thankful that I didn't have to get up this morning to get children off to school or whatever. Just remembered there is a teachers' strike, but the idea is still there. Something to be said for being older. Also no children to chase off the computer when I want to use it.

Car has been moved from the assessors to the repair shop which has just informed us that it will be at least a fortnight before it is ready. I think one of our sons is lending us his second car for the weekend, but they need it through the week. It is MIL's old car, much battered from her own driving. My son was suggesting to me that my husband drive it for the nineteen months that it will be before he gets any points back on his license. It is so old that it is difficult to speed in it! Radio is broken and it has no tapedeck or CD player and also has never had airconditioning which she regarded as a costly luxury which used electricity! Nevermind that a car has generator etc.

I have decided to do housework today instead of looking for wool. I'll do that tomorrow with kids back at school. It's fairly chilly here but dry, so I have washing on the line. There's a mountain of ironing to catch up on and I notice cat's fur on the carpet, although it doesn't seem long at all since I vacuumed.

Saturday, 29th May was announced in February as a National Day of Thanksgiving by the Governor-General. While this was originally an initiative by several christian groups, the idea has spread. We have so much in this country for which to be thankful. Clean water, freedom of life and speech to a large degree, education and so on. I once read that the contents of most of our garbage cans would show us as an affluent people, even though many of us would not use that term of ourselves. It would be good to not only be thankful for what we have, but to remember those who do not have as much. I intend to buy some extra tinned food to place in the charity bin at the supermarket. This is really only a tiny gesture, but it is something more practical than just a "feelgood" glow of thankfulness. The button below is a link to one of the Christian organisations which started the idea. I don't think that matters at all if you are not Christian or don't even call yourself religious. Take some time to "count your blessings" and be thankful. Light a candle or do what takes your fancy. Hug the family, go for a picnic, tell someone how much you appreciate them. Make a phone call to someone you haven't spoken to for a while and be thankful for friendship. Whatever.

Monday, 31st May

Another busy weekend, I was out almost all of yesterday. Beautiful weather but chilly. It was supposed to be a minimum of 9° here in Sydney overnight, but it was 4° here this morning. That's actually quite a difference. It's very clear and sunny and supposedly will get to 23°. We'll see. I was warm in bed but my hips ached until I pulled my dressing gown over them. I don't know if it was all in my mind or whether it really did help.

I feel "odd" this morning, as if something is not quite right or I'm waiting for something to happen. Sort of an edgy feeling, almost like drinking too much coffee, too strong. SIL is much worse, according to my brother. No one can understand how she can keep on being worse over such a long period and still be alive. I think my edginess is possibly related to this, although we've had to deal with it for such a long time now.

We are without a car and will be for probably two weeks. We had a courtesy car for the weekend, but my husband can get a lift to work from someone who lives locally. Means leaving even earlier than he normally does, but it also means he's home at 4:00 pm and is grounded for the night! Some of the edginess is associated with this, I think. He's very restless not being able to dash here and there. That is not easy to live with.

I saw a quote this morning which I felt was appropriate. If the going is easy, is it because you are sliding downhill? That could well be the case with me. Right at the moment I couldn't care much. I'm making reasonably good choices about food, although yesterday suffered from very poor planning. But I can hardly be bothered even thinking about weightloss. It's cold and I'm grabbing what i can, when I can. Not good. Perhaps I should spend some time planning the food for the week. We went shopping at the weekend, so I have no excuse that there is nothing in the house. Force of habit makes me buy sensible food.

Till tomorrow or whenever I get here next. New month tomorrow.

7:30 pm. I feel a bit better now although I have been cold all day. Made pear in red wine with cinnamon tonight for dessert. We hardly ever eat dessert, so it was a pleasant change and they were very nice.