I decided to expand my horizons and try something a bit different. Things have been hectic here lately and I thought the daisies would be cheerful. A bit of a hit and miss affair as I worked out the margins. Never had much sense of spatial perception. Careers adviser told me not to become an architect. Don't think I ever really had contemplated being one! Words and how they are used in languages are a totally different matter. I enjoy them and can read several. Even enjoyed learning koiné Greek a few years ago.

Mother-in-law is beginning to surface after operation where they replaced hip again. She suggested to my husband that seeing as she now had a new hip, she could go home to live when she leaves hospital! Fortunately, he didn't allow her to take control. He reminded her that she wasn't eating properly when she was by herself and her favourite nurse suggested that perhaps the time has come to consider care, while still living in a room by herself. We have no intention of going through all of this again. She has fallen many more times than she has actually told us of.

It's a beautiful morning here today. I've had a good breakfast and have just finished my plunger of coffee. I've been up for quite a while because I was expecting the man to come and finish working on the wall and ceiling. He's just left. HOORAY! All done! Now we can get to painting etc. Have to give the walls a good wash first and think I will also use up some of the paint around here and put a base coat on. The colour we have chosen is a deep aubergine/plum. The room is big and light and will be able to take it. First have to clean up the mess left by the plasterers. Tradesmen! Have cleaned kitchen and had washing on the line by 7:00am. Feeling fired up, but not sure how long that will last, so I'd better make the most of it.

Later on Wednesday evening...MIL must be feeling better. She is being rude again and also trying to wear husband down about returning home now she has had hip replaced. He won't be in it, thank goodness. She's too far away,and she is just not capable of looking after herself. Now I'm off to sort out what I need to wear tomorrow and what I want to take. I leave for babysitting at 6:20am and like to have things worked out the night before. Who knows what I might forget if I left it till the morning when I stumble around in a daze

Friday, May 3

I chose this picture especially for my friend. A fellow piggy, she has moved into a house which has only a shower and she doesn't like it when we gloat about having a nice "time out bath" with bath oils etc. Think I might have a bath like that when I get home tonight. Grandaughter, (21 months), has had a hectic social life since last Saturday, and it is all showing. Add to this, the beginning of the terrible twos, and I have been glad that I do not have her everyday. Last night was particularly bad. She is normally no trouble to put to bed, but not last night. She screamed for quite a while before she realised that no one was going to pick her up.

It's a bit wet together here this morning so we have been amusing ourselves with indoor activities. Counting and blocks and things like that. I've been down on the floor with her and the arthritis in the hips is not too impressed with that. However, I am determined that it does not rule my life and I try to do what I want, within reason.

My husband is tired and cranky. He has been trying to arrange what to do about his mother and her house when she is able to leave hospital and return to the nursing home. Apparently, she was very displeased with him last night because he made it plain that this is what would be happening. She really can't look after herself, even with a second hip replacement. "Önly a mistake,"she says, of double dosage of insulin. Perhaps, but she could be just as dead as if done deliberately. He has always been her little boy who can do no wrong, so I don't think he knew quite what hit him last night. I think he also had heard a few things from outsiders through the day which various members of the family have been trying to tell him for a couple of years. We will need to arrange a mortgage on her house to pay bond to nursing home. The house will have to be emptied and then dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century. At the moment, it is stuck in a very bad 1960s timewarp. The carpet is deep purple (!) and the night and day sofa is purple and gold brocade. It is one of the first examples of those sofas and is uncomfortable to sit on, let alone sleep on. Curtains will need to be tossed and replaced and wallpaper removed. New kitchen cupboards will update the kitchen and the bathroom needs to be gutted and redone. A few new light bulbs wouldn't go astray either. Most of hers are currently 40 watt or less. Testing times ahead, I think. This is not going to go down well with his mother.

Monday, 6th May

Wednesday, 8th May,

Thanks for the graphic to my friend Rhonda. This is about the only thing I haven't got around to scrubbing this week! At least the bathroom at mother-in-law's was fairly clean because it was done every week by the carers. Not much else was clean and I am exhausted by what we have done. I feel drained both physically and emotionally.

Daughter -in-law has been wonderful and has done heaps. I would still be stuck there without her help. We started in main bedroom. Threw out a pile of clothes and that still leaves her with far too many. She had a small wardrobe which was just full of used Christmas wrapping paper. We found diaries dating back for decades which little more than she had been to bingo that day and eaten... I tossed loads of underwear and bed socks which were held together by safety pins. We got rid of far more than I can detail here and it was all covered in layers of dust because she would not let carers clean it and obviously hadn't done so herself for years. Probably the worst find was a decaying eiderdown in a corner which stank of cat wee. There were also papers and books which had had the same treatment from the cat. She inherited this ancient cat from some of her tenants and it has been dead at least 5 years, probably 8. Presumably, the eiderdown has been there ever since.

The kitchen was in much the same state. Everything was filthy and she had a drawer full of used paper serviettes and greasy paper plates. I just emptied drawers into the skip we hired. Most of the furniture is now sorted and St Vincent de Paul will pick it up on Friday.

Husband is upset as he finally realises that what family and friends have been telling him for years is true. He is a bear with a sore head. I cannot gauge the reaction I will get when I say anything. So I don't say much at all, and that isn't really any help, either. I know he is stressed, but the family is really trying to support him and he cannot see it. He feels really hard done by, and a lot of that comes because he has had his head in the sand about the situation for a long time now.

Eating hasn't been wonderful either. I don't want to cook over there. I would have to scour everything before I started. I have made sandwiches for lunch, but we have had several Chinese takeaways for dinner. Just too tired to do anything else. Even too tired to sleep properly. I keep waking up remembering something else that needs to be done.

What a whinge! Hopefully, I will get some rest over the next couple of days when babysitting. I am planning to lie down when she goes to sleep and just being in a different environment should help too.

Saturday 11th May

I'm just back from babysitting and want to update this before I go to bed. I spent an extra day there as my son had to work today and couldn't mind his daughter. She has been as sweet as possible this week. Perhaps she's making up for last weeks contrariness. Slept for a long time each day, and I was able to get a bit of a break.

That break was certainly needed. All the stress coupled with the tiredness has lowered my system and I have come down with an appalling cold. It's been coming on for two days, and hit with a vengeance this morning. I feel quite rotten and am planning on going to bed very early tonight.

Things are progressing slowly with MIL's house and my husband is quite exasperating. I know he is stressed too, but he will arrange three different things with three people and then actually do a fourth and wonder why no one knows about it. Sarah has been wonderful through this time, but even she is beginning to run out of patience. It's not over yet, either. I'm sure MIL doesn't realise that everything has been cleared out of her house. I think she believes we have just taken what she asked for. I can see problems ahead if she asks for something we have thrown out. Still, we will just have to face that when it happens.

Tim and Bec took me out for dinner last night for Mother's Day. I had told all of them not to buy me anything. The meal wasn't expensive by some standards but certainly wasn't a cheapy either. I had veal scallopini with veges and herbs, surrounded by a rich red wine jus. It was really nice and went well with the James Squires Pilsener that Tim recommended.

The service was good and they brought Mya's "posh" meal of chicken nuggets and chips very quickly, along with some paper and crayons for her to draw. She drank a big glass of milk and charmed everyone around her. We sat well into the restaurant bcause it was freezing whenever the door opened. We could partly see into the kitchen and she flirted with all the cooks. She had a lovely time.

We usually spend lunch for Mother's Day at the hockey watching Sarah play. Nothing had been said, so I thought it was not on this year. However, we are going. The boys arrange food etc and Sarah's mum comes as well. Then we have two others who are Mums, my DILs. It's a bit chaotic, but we all have a good time.

Must go, can hardly keep my head up and my eyes open. To make matters worse, I was thoroughly chilled in the wind. I had to wait almost 25 minutes for a train at Hornsby and then another 15 minutes at Strathfield. The wind was very chilly and the cold is hard to deal with after our Indian summer weather.

I'm feeling much better today after the best night's sleep I've had for a couple of weeks. I had a big bath and put on my new Tweety-Pie pyjamas and went to bed early. Coughed but still slept reasonably well.

We had a good picnic today and the weather was lovely. Nothing fancy, just fresh rolls, chicken, salad and fruit. It was pleasant to just sit and relax. We managed to round up five mums to be in our group, although Mya's mum, Bec, unfortunately had to work.

Mya and Andrew had a lovely time running around together. He is the ripe old age of 3.5 years and she is 21 months. He cannot understand that she cannot do all the things he can do, because he is a big boy. I tried to explain to him that his new little sister will be able to do even less because she will be a real baby. Very hard for him to understand.

Hopefully that new sister will not be here for another six weeks. However,Andrew is here now because his mum was having regular contractions which were getting stronger and more frequent. She has gone again to hospital, although 34 weeks gives a much better scenario than the earlier problems at 24 weeks. They seem to be easing, but she is being kept under observation.

MIL still shows no sign of understanding all that has gone on. She wonders why we feel we have to do anything to her house. DIL was back there and moved the microwave. Hidden down the back was a couple of dozen used teabags which she showed to my husband. Every new revelation of her inability to cope is a blow to him. His pride is hurt that she was able to deceive him and he also feels guilty at not having done more earlier. He is as stubborn as she is and refused to listen to those who told him he needed to do something several years ago. I feel sorry it has ended like this, but did try to get his attention a long time ago. He would not listen, and now is paying the penalty.

9:30pm ... Son and DIL have just arrived. Hospital has no idea why contractions are like this. They are not the usual pre-birth dry runs. However, they have eased and the baby shows no sign of distress. Sam has been told to take it easy (with a 3year old?) and they don't want to see her, except for ante natal visits for at least four weeks. So that's a relief.

Wednesday, April 15th

Is there ever a time when life isn't hectic? I seem to be caught up here in a constant round of doing things. I haven't felt well with the cold I have. It's degenerated to a chesty cough which is driving me crazy. Cough medicine does not agree with me very much and I will only take it at night if absolutely necessary.

I am always one for insisting on time for myself, but it has disappeared lately. I will just have to take the time, I think, and then explain later. Was looking forward to a long soak in the bath tonight, but husband has arranged a meeting here for some committee he's on, so that idea is blown. I'll be back babysitting tomorrow, so might have some time to myself when Mya sleeps. It's getting cooler here now, and we have had the heater on for a while on some nights. Last night however, it was going, made a queer noise and stopped. So now I will have to get that fixed. Hopefully that will just be a service.

Two days ago, we noticed that one of our cats was licking his tail which looked swollen. Off to the vets. $184 later, he is back home. He had two particularly nasty dog bites on it. One has several stitches in it. Vet thinks he is lucky to have escaped with just bites to his tail, as he could be in a lot worse shape. Now he is on antibiotics twice a day.

I have to spend today investigating home mortgages so bond can be paid for nursing home for MIL. We are not looking at a great deal of money, but apparently banks don't like lending in such circumstances. Her place, basically land value, is worth very conservatively $750,000 and we need $105,000 for the bond and some more for renovations. There will be income from rent of over $500 weekly. I'm not too good at comparing loans. They all have so many tricky bits to them. There is a site which compares what is available, but the catch is that while my husband has power of attorney for her, she receives only the pension and will have to pay most of that to the nursing home. I think, he will probably need to actually speak to some people, but I suppose I can try.

If you like cats and need some graphics, have a look here. There are hundreds.

You can see the pictures of the twenty finalists at Slimming Magazine

They all look great. I'm not going to name her although she looks absolutely fantastic and has lost a lot of weight. She has kept her anonymity over a couple of years till now, and I haven't asked if she minds if I use her name here. However,if she wins, her cover will be well and truly blown.

Actually, thinking about the amount of weight she has lost and how good she looks is beginning to inspire me again. It's not that I don't want to lose it and I know I would feel a lot better and it would be good for my arthritis etc. etc. It's just that with everything else going on in my life right now, it's hard to concentrate on weight loss. Excuses, excuses. Not totally excuses, however. Sometimes I have just had to make the best of not very good choices because of circumstances at the time.

There is still a lot to do at MIL's house, but not much I can actually be involved with. So things are looking up there. We now have doctor's signature on her assessment form and all has been tied up officially with the nursing home.

My sister who was critically ill a few weeks ago still has the very bad rash which we find is some form of eczema. She has now added a skin specialist and an immunologist to the list of doctors she visits. The skin guy says he sees perhaps two other patients a year as bad as she is. Scratching leads to infection because of her poor immune system. No soap is to be used. A lotion goes on in bath, then another. After bath there is yet another lotion and then a cream on the actual red spots. To raise immunity, she is taking tablets given to heart transplant patients who normally take half a tablet daily. She is taking 2 a day. Problem is that they can lead to skin cancer, even 20 years down the track. Improvement may take anything from one to eighteen months!

My sister in law who collapsed with bowel cancer at Christmas has been having chemotherapy. She has just started the second course which was aimed at the original bowel cancer as well as the spots on the liver. Yesterday she learned that these spots have doubled in size instead of shrinking. This news has really knocked her and the rest of the family around. She is very despondent and worried about her nine year old son. She was just beginning to get over the shock of the original discovery and was beginning to to be somewhat more open and out-going. She is now scheduled for an operation in ten or so days.

It's hard to know what to say in the face of all this. Our family is fairly close, although my brother nad his wife had withdrawn a bit before her illness. Lawyer type secrecy had spilled over from their jobs into their private life. This is now changing, but what a cost!Sometimes I think that losing weight and any emphasis on it is just selfish. Then I think again that really, while it would be good to look as fantastic as those finalists, I am not doing this to look good. A major reason is for my health. Losing weight would help me to be fitter. Losing weight would let me have a wider choice of clothing. Above all, I feel that this is something I am doing for myself. For soemthing deep inside me alone. It's part of the change which I have had over the last ten years or so. A stage of self development, I suppose. I don't think that doing it for this reason is at all selfish. I am not flaunting it in peoples' faces nor singing about it from the rooftops. I have a wonderful group of people on the net who support each other, and sons and their wives who also cheer me on.

At the beginning of the week,our good gas heater belched its way to a stop. Even when it had cooled down I could get no more than a few pops from it and we have taken it to be serviced. Probably something we should have done during the summer, but we didn't. So what happens? Today is absolutely freezing and I have done little else but cough all day. Them's the breaks, I suppose.

Bec was here with Mya the other day and remembered that she had a heater stored downstairs so we brought it up. It is just a tiny oil filled column type that she used to put in Mya's room last winter. It takes the chill off the air, but cannot do anything more in such a big room with high ceilings. The other heater will still be at least a week before it is fixed.

By the way, never think that you can get rid of your children even when they are grown up. We have stuff stored here for each of our three boys and now there is some more beginning to be added from husband's mother. When she is finally settled in, I will go through her things and get rid of some more. She won't miss it. Fortunately we have an attic and plenty of dry space under the house. I would like to think that this experience clearing his mother's house will make my husband think about the junk he has stored here himself. I would love to get rid of a heap of it. All his family are bower birds, real hoarders for a rainy day.

Tim and Bec took me to a little Indian place at Hornsby last night for dinner. I've been there before and alo had takeaway from there. Service is quick and they love children who don't seem to make much more mess than the adults do with the curries.

I had fed Mya at 5:00pm, not knowing we were going out. She had a big pile of mashed vegetables, a Yoplait le rice pudding and a glass of milk. So she was by no means empty. Almost as soon as we sat down, a plate of pappadoms arrived. She pushed all the crumbly bits well in and enjoyed hers. Then she had a tiny piece of chicken tikka which we had as an entree. After that,the waiter brought her a small bowl and she had a serve of rice with butter chicken sauce over it. She loves that and shovelled it in with gusto, much to the amusement of others in the restaurant. I added a bit of sauce from the lamb korma and that went down well too. Then Tim scraped the sauce off a prawn from a spicy dish we had ordered and gave it to her. It was about the size of my middle finger. She felt it, sniffed it, gave it a good look, then saw we were eating them too, so down hers went. Chewed and chewed and I must say I was expecting it to all come out again, but down it went and a second as well. She's almost 22 months and has definite ideas about her food. She does however stop when she is full,so the last bit of rice was left. Her father and uncles all liked spicy food when they were small and couldn't stand anything bland. She's obviously taking after them.

I know Indian food is not the most point friendly food around. I probably had more boiled rice than anything, with just a spoonful of each dish to moisten the rice. The tikka is cooked over a fire without oil so is not too bad. Prawns are OK too, although I had only three. It was enjoyable on a cold night.

DIL just rang and asked us to lunch tomorow. She's making pumpkin soup so all should be well there.Five more weeks till baby is due. All seems fine at the moment.

Monday, 20th May

Where did last week go? I'm not too sure. Suddenly it's Monday again.

It's freezing here today and has been for a couple of days. Not cold by Northern hemisphere standards but a shock to the system after our Indian summer of late autumn. It's snowing in the central tablelands to the west of Sydney and a westerly wind is blowing the cold down here. Everytime I poke my nose outside, I have a coughing fit. Unfortunately, I do have to go to Ashfield later. Rates need to be paid and a few other things have to be done. Might get a cab home, I think.

Knowing that this one is a girl has made a difference to the wait in pregnancy. She is addressed by her name, not a nickname. It is just that no one can see her yet. Little Andrew stood in front of his mum yesterday, touched her stomach and said,"When are you coming out of there? I want to see you." She has five weeks to go, but I wouldn't be surprised if this one is early. Just have the feeling. She is still having proper contractions from time to time. Hopefully this might mean a nice short labour for her.

Had lovely pumpkin soup for lunch yesterday but spoiled things by having toast with yummy apricot jam and butter for supper later on. Must make out more of a menu for the week. I know proper planning is a real help. Why don't I do it?

Much more pleasant a day here today than yesterday. Several degrees warmer and sunny, although a coldwind is still blowing.

I have taken the opportunity to sort through some of Mother-in-law's clothes and do a big wash. They all had that horrible stale stored clothes smell to them, so I have hung them in the sun and the wind and used a double amount of fabric conditioner on them. I can still smell it, but she would have worn them straight from the wardrobe and not noticed. I have bought some more warm things for her, and found what we bought last winter. Sorted through all the underwear and discarded stuff shich won't go anywhere near fitting her now, but which she could not throw out. I was fortunate to find her some trackpants yesterday at Silhouette. They are nice and fleecy and were a bargain at $8.95 a pair. By the time they have been through the commercial washer and drier up at Pittwood a few times, the difference between those and any dearer pants will be minimal. I've also labelled everything.

Hospital has just rung. They are sending her home on Thursday to Pittwood by patient ambulance transport. Just as well I did all this with the clothes.

I made myself a bagel with a smear of WW honey and mustard mayonnaise, some sprouts and smoked salmon for lunch. Toasted the bagel first.It was really nice and I desperately wanted another. However, I started doing something and discovered twenty minutes later that I was so full I could not have eaten another. Just as well I made only the one in the beginning.

I had a disaster in Coles last night. we had to pick up some things which I had not been told we needed when I place my online order last week. I emembered I needed coffee beans, so went and got my usual mix of French Vanilla and a deep roasted bean. Then I saw a blend with some caramel and decided to add a tiny touch of that to my bag. I pushed in the slide on the hopper and beans came out. However, when I released the slide, it didn't retract and beans continued pouring into my bag and onto the tray underneath and on the floor. By the time I managed to pull it out, there were coffee beans averywhere and the young fellow stacking the shelves was not impressed in the slightest. I had to empty probably 400 gm out of my bag which I did not want on top of all the other beans. Mess +++

Wednesday 22nd May

It's a beautiful morning here. My study is cold because it doesn't get any sun till mid-afternoon, but outside looks lovely.

I need to get off the computer and back into labelling clothes for MIL. She moves back to the nursing home tomorrow and everything has to be labelled. We need to go up tonight and remove the summer clothes we took when she first moved there for respite care after the first hip dislocation. I'll replace them with a selection of warmer things and she will have no excuse to be cold. We found her this time last year, lying in bed absolutely frozen. Her house was like a little icebox and she would not use a heater because she had to "save money." In reality, she is not wealthy but is comfortably off, and could be quite comfortable if she used some of the money. However, she has made a virtue of stinginess and of being a martyr about warmth, eating stale food etc. She was wearing only summer clothes and was offended when I told her to dress appropriately for the weather! She'll have no excuse now as there won't be summer clothes around in her cupboard.

I have had a mammoth task of sorting her clothes and washing etc. I suppose that in one sense I did not really need to do this. She would have worn dirty and smelly clothes and not thought twice about it. However, I had to do it to satisfy myself. I could not let her wear such things.

We still have to also get photos etc up to her. I think we will take a while getting her settled in. If everything goes there at once, she will be overwhelmed and nothing will be sorted. I'll get the clothes fixed tonight and perhaps at the weekend we will take up the contents of her china cabinet and her photos. She can play around with them for a few days and that will keep her occupied.

Bad news has just arrived. The father of friends of my sons collapsed last night with a heart attack and died in a matter of minutes. He and his wife had just sold a Federation house in a suburb near me for a massive amount of money and moved to a new house in a new suburb. They had been there only a couple of weeks. He had had stomach cancer, but had been free of that for quite a while. One of his sons had taken over the daily running of his factory which makes bathroom cupboards and vanity units and he was looking forward to setting up a new garden and home. I would like to go to the funeral, but no arrangements have been made yet and I am not sure whether I will have Mya or not. That may make things awkward.

Seems trite to talk of food after a shock like that. Have homemade vegetable soup for lunch so that is very easy on the points. Will make up for the peanut butter I put on my muffin this morning.!

It's very grey and wet here this morning. It wasn't particularly cold here when I woke up, but it hasn't become any warmer as the day has gone on. Because I have been away the last two days, the heater has not been on in lounge room and it was very chilly in there. Once it warms up, it is reasonably easy to keep it at a comfortable warmth. Now I need to start from scratch.

I feel very much like the weather. My husband put the doona on the bed on Thursday night while I was away and I don't feel it is cold enough here for that yet. I was too warm in bed last night and woke up feeling unrested. I have a bit of a headache and this cold is still hanging around with a bad cough in the morning. I may have to go to doctor if things haven't cleared soon. I wonder if there's some secondary infection. That would explain not feeling too good.

I had an email from a friend this morning about a weightloss group she is attending at her church. This is not an organised group, just a few friends losing weight. They weigh in and then discuss things, often returning to choices. Why do we choose to do things? I often wonder about motivation. I see posts on forums which go something like this."My motivation has run away. If you find it, please return to me..."

How much is motivation and will power and how much is choice that we make? I think that there is often a point which gets us going, motivates us or whatever. It may be an event, a comment, a photo. Whatever... But life is about choices. In Western society, where most of us have money for food and shelter etc, life is about choices. We can make good or bad choices. What influences these choices? I know that there are times when I look at things like butter, biscuits or cheese. I know that they are no help in losing weight, I know that I really do not need to eat them, I know that they can be a hindrance to good health unless eaten in small quantities. Then I actually make a choice and eat them. Why?

Fred, the fatman, whose site has been taken down, would say to just get on with things and DO IT! I think he disregards that life can get in the way sometimes. I know there are times I eat out of boredom or not having anything to do with my hands. There are times when I comfort eat, although that is not a large problem in my life. I don't use food as a source of comfort, generally.

So my friend's group is a good idea. It helps them to understand why they make the choices they do. This is something I still am struggling wiith. There are time when I think I have my reasons figured out and in control. Then I blow it. Life's like that.

I had a very relaxed evening last night. I was at Hornsby. I was going to an evening at Macquarie Uni with my friend. However, he was doing St John Ambulance duty for the Trailwalker weekend. Unfortunately, he had to stay at his post till another worker arrived and so did not get to pick me up until 7:20pm. The evening started at 7:30 and there was no way we could get there in time through Friday evening traffic on a rainy day. Sydney grinds to a halt then. So I heated up some leftover vegetable curry and we ate that. Then DIL arrived home and made herself nachos. We were able to just sit and talk and relax as Bec had taken Mya out to pick Tim up from working late. It was very pleasant and we left much later and had a relaxed drive home with almost no traffic.

My little rant about choices in life in yesterday's entry seems to have done some good. Touched a raw nerve or something. Every time I opened the fridge or the cupboard door after I had written it, the word "choice" came unbidden into my mind. Worse than a conscience! It certainly made me stop and think about what I was planning. Most often I didn't get what I was after.

I had an email from a friend in the support group to which I belong. She had been catching up on reading journals by members and had printed out my piece for yesterday and a piece from another friend's journal. They are now on her fridge door to be seen whenever she goes there. What I said was unplanned and just sort of came out.

Having a journal and writing in it helps me clarify issues in my mind. Obviously I needed to do that when I wrote about choices. If it helps someone else, then that's really great. I know how much help I have received from other journals.

Here are links to her journal and to the journal of my friend in New Zealand.

I made a delicious curry for dinner last night. All up about 9 points. However, I didn't eat even a quarter of it and there is more than enough left for another meal sometime this week. It's in the fridge now and I am sure it will be even better in a couple of days. I browned an onion in some oil along with a couple of cloves of garlic and a good tablespoon of freshly grated ginger. Then I improvised adjusting quantities of spices till it tasted right. A teaspoon of garam masala, about half a teaspoon of turmeric. A sprinkle of ground coriander and about a tablespoon od coriander seeds. I love the flavour burst when I bite them. Three or four cardomom seeds roughly crushed and a sprinkle of ground cardamom. Then a heaped teaspoon of bottled chopped chili. I cooked all this gently in the oil. Then I added chopped carrot, turnip, celery, and a large potato. A small tin of chickpeas and about a cup of barley because I must have used all my lentils. I didn't use any salt.

I added some stock to this,or you could use water and cooked it slowly for a couple of hours till tehre was little actual liquid left. Then I added the juice of a lemon and served with some rice at husband's insistence. Very filling, low in points, healthy and suitable for the weather. Sorry about the vague quantities. It's a matter of taste and adjust. That would easily make a meal for four, particularly with rice. I counted four points for my entire meal and I am sure I was exaggerating. I certainly was full.

Think I will start a recipe page. That recipe above is not set out very well. Will go look for some wallpaper for it.

I'm sitting here with the heater blowing warm air under my desk around my legs, sipping a cup of hot water with fresh lemon juice in it. It's not cloudy this morning, but it's quite chilly. Looks as if it will be a good day.

I used to have a cup of decaf coffee first thing in the day, but somehow my tastes have changed. Now it has to be the real thing or nothing. The water with lemon in is very refreshing and I have been enjoying it lately.

Although I did not concentrate on points yesterday, but rather on choices and making sure that they were good, I found at the end of the day, that I had gone under my points allocation by two. I'm feeling more positive about weight loss today, so hopefully, this will be the start of a good week. Then again, I'm feeling more positive about life in general today, too. I had a good night's sleep and didn't wake till 6:30am. Yesterday I was wide awake at 3:00am and couldn't go back to sleep. Good sleep makes a lot of difference.

I'm not coughing anywhere nearly as much as I have been, although the sneezes are still there. Something else positive. I have take some Prednisolone tablets and I think they are beginning to clear the garbage from my chest. I hate them and use them only as a very last resort, but something had to be done. I've taken two and plan to take another two and then re-assess. I had to take them for a week last year and the side effects were terrible, although they cleared the congestion which was making me even deafer than normal.

MIL??? She's supposedly coming home today and still cannot realise that her home at Manly would be basically unrecognisable to her. Cleaned, cleared out, painted,floors sanded etc. Husband told me she had had another bone scan and had a reaction to the dye used. I couldn't understand that. Didn't seem right. Now I find she had a brainscan! She told my son that she had black spots on her brain! I don't know what prompted them to do that or what the "black spots" mean. Husband will have to ring them today.

Must get dressed and start the day.

Late afternoon...

One of the biggest questions I expect to face is "Where are my gold shoes?" These are horrible, very scuffed but to her the height of fashion. Nursing staff told me to throw them out because they had very worn heels which she had walked in on and also had shiny, slippery soles. They threw out another pair of shoes with a heel that was only just off flat. That leaves her with new slippers, a pair of Kumfs and a pair of Diana Ferrari which were reasonably presentable. We shall see.

Still quite chilly here for May, but today is fine and sunny. Somewhat of a contrast to yesterday where it poured for most of the day. I haven't been walking much and have been missing it. My foot has become swollen with arthritis quite easily, and it is very uncomfortable to walk on. Ankle has also been bad. However, this morning I walked to Ashfield shops and back and things don't seem too bad so far. All up, that's only about 30 minutes of walking,plus my amble around the shopping centre, but that's 30 minutes more than I have been doing.

Apparently the scan showed that MIL has had a series of mini-strokes. That would account for the falls she had sometime ago. The doctor said that she probably would not even recognise what had happened,let alone remember anything strange. Not much can be done about it, but it's one more reason to have her where she can be more closely supervised. The first two assessments just made mention of the falls, but no investigation was done into them! It made me wonder about the overall competency of the team doing the assessments. No doctor was on the team, just some social workers.

Food choices have been reasonable to quite good these last few days. Am still enjoying having a bagel with smoked salmon for lunch. Salad and smoked salmon it and I skip the cream cheese. The bagels work out to be 3 points and .5 point for the salmon. Even allowing for the tiny amount of WW honey/mustard dressing I use, 4 points gives a very satisfying and tasty lunch.

I bought another pair of PJs at KMart this morning. They are yellow with elephants on them! A bit cute and nice and warm. I was looking for some with pigs but couldn't find any. Also bought some new underwear and a new thermal top. There was 20% off underwear and sleepwear till Friday or Saturday. I've washed everything and the load is now in the dryer.

Babysitting again and I'm glad she is quite sweet today. She has spent a lot of time climbing on my lap and reading stories to me. Apparently she was a real 2 year old handful yesterday. Seems to have worn most of it off for the moment.

I'm about to have a small sleep for myself while she is down. I couldn't get to sleep last night, and woke not long after three o'clock. I think the trouble getting to sleep is due to the Prednisolone tablets. I was climbing the wall after just one of them last year. I have had the four I was supposed to take, and the heavy chestiness has cleared. Now left with the side effects.

When shopping the other day, I was able to find some cheap halves of pawpaw, so have been enjoying that at breakfast. I am a real fan of summer fruit, but not much into winter fruit. I don't always find it easy to eat 2 pieces daily in winter. Really fresh jonathon or Granny Smith apples are nice, but I hate the ones that have been in any form of storage. Somehow it seems like cheating to me to have tinned fruit and still class it as fruit. I just don't eat much of that sort of thing, even the fruit canned in juice not syrup. DIL has in her fridge some Goulburn Valley sliced peaches in a screwtop plastic container. One kilo. Called a fridge pack. I might keep an eye out for them. It would save my husband transferring from a tin to a container and making an awful mess at the same time. Last time he did it, I was away and came home to find what was like toffee on the bench and the floor. YUK

My friend Trish has remarked this morning on how little butter she now uses on raisin toast. That is something I have also found this week. I have been having crumpets and my childhood traditional favourite spread, Vegemite, for breakfast. For years, I would have used an amazingly large amount of butter on each crumpet. This week I have found that I can spread both crumpets with less than a teasponful altogether, and still be satisfied with the taste. Actually, my stomach can no longer cope with anything remotely oily or greasy and things like hamburgers etc leave a greasy film on my lips for hours. What a change!