So where was I? I had a very busy week last week and had hardly any time on the computer and now I'm just beginning to come out of the fog of a really terrible cold freely passed on by my small granddaughter when I minded her and her sister last Thursday. It really was a bad dose and I don't feel wonderful even now, although much better than I have been.

Not helped by some stress at home. Husband wants to go to India in September for a wedding. I don't know any of the people involved and certainly don't want to be involved with some of them whom I find really weird. He also brought home people for lunch on Sunday when he knew I felt dreadful. Four of them. One was a huge African fellow from church, built like a rugby forward. Then expected me to feed them. When the boys and their girls lived here, there was always plenty of food around. Now there are just the two of us and I try not to have leftovers or give them to him to take to work etc. It's not that there wasn't food in the house. It wasn't prepared already or easily prepared. Boiled eggs, opened tuna,made a large couscous salad, used all the cold meat in the place, big salad, bowl of boiled potatoes with mint and a loaf of fresh bread. Big fruit platter to finish. And guess who cleaned up while they sat and talked? Somewhat of a confrontation later and I think he now understands why I was so angry at the time. Not helped at all by constant sneezing and general awful feeling.

I haven't felt much like eating for several days and I noticed my skirt felt looser when I tried it on this morning. Not a recommended way of losing weight!

According to the calendar, this is now autumn. It doesn't feel like it here and it's predicted to be very hot tomorrow. It was 88% humidity here this morning about 7:30 am. Roll on true autumn weather.

I'm home by myself tonight and will have some tuna and salad for dinner. Not much of it either. Still not up to much.

Whew! Finally feeling as if the cold really is on its way. I felt so rotten, I'm beginning to wonder if there wasn't something else mixed up in there too. At least it was a reminder to me that I have to think about this year's flu shots sooner rather than later. I'm not sure whether it was March or April last year that I had them. Probably April.

As I said, it wasn't a recommended way to lose weight, but I lost about 1.5 kg. Just not up to eating, let alone preparing any thing at all. Clothes are definitely looser. My poor old denim skirt is looser, but that's because it is wearing out. Not the actual denim, but it was a stretch denim and I've had it for so long I don't know how old it is. The other day I noticed that there were wavy bits in the skirt, like when the lycra goes in a swimming costume. Still wearable for housework and around the house, but definitely not out the front door. It's a bit sad. It's been a very longwearing skirt and has had a lot of wear. Particularly comfy too. Still, it doesn't owe me anything.

I've just spent the morning doing some neglected housework. Lots of bending and stooping and I still have to vacuum. I've gone right through the basket of toys I keep for the grandkids and thrown out a lot of bits and pieces. Half a dozen things from Maccas and so on. Also some old books my husband bought at a stall. I don't think I've seen any of them look at those books. Andrew and Mya are a bit beyond most of the toys in the box so I need to get a few things I can keep for the older ones. I already have some puzzles etc that are kept quite separately. Tora is two and still is interested in the box. Morgan will soon be up to the rattles etc and there is a new one coming in July, another boy. I asked Mya if she had a favourite name for him yet, and was told all about how she had a fish called Dorothy after the dinosaur in the Wiggles. Tora is making involved sentences now and it's really funny to see how her mind works as she puts things together. She told me Morgan had a sore leg, although I couldn't see anything there on either leg. I asked if she or Andrew had bumped her when Morgan was in the bouncer. "Not me, not me!" was the reply.

I'd really like to go to Burwood and get the money out of the joint account which I was paid for the 2.5 days work a couple of weeks ago. $450. Otherwise it will just get used up. But I still have to vacuum and do the bathroom. Not heaps, but more than I usually have available to me. I might get the bus rather than walking, although I must get this exercise thing back into gear. Still feel washed out and not very enthusiastic about much.

And so to the vacuum and the bathroom and then perhaps a salad for lunch. I bought a packet of smoked chicken breasts for around $10 in Coles last shop. I think it was 500 gm. I would have bought shaved ham or smoked salmon or a combination, so it's about the same price. I saw the WW ham in Coles deli for $17.50/kg. I'm told it's quite nice and it would certainly be cheaper than buying little packages of it. However, they didn't have any of it shaved. The slices were quite thick and I prefer it very finely sliced. Might try some another day. The chicken is delicious sliced and I have been very restrained. Not much gone at all. Perhaps that and some salad and a cold drink. Dinner tonight is leftover couscous with extra vegetables, all cooked up like fried rice. I put some periperi seasoning into it and it's very spicy, quite hot actually. Very nice. Dried seasoning, not the periperi sauce. I think it was masterfoods. Also bought some sumac and somemore Moroccan seasoning.

Another busy weekend passed. I was out most of yesterday but made some good choices for lunch. Mostly salad stuff. Smorgasbord type thingy but there was a lot of meat, so my choices were vastly reduced. LOL. One benefit (or not) of eating mostly vegetarian. Having said that, I did eat a small pice of BBQd scotch fillet steak tonight and I actually enjoyed it. I cooked it myself andso that meant it was watched. Not put on low and left while something else was done, then turned six times and then wonder why it was tough and chewy. It was also good meat. King Island scotch fillet in a reduced price pack. It was certainly tender. I wouldn't want it every night but will admit that this piece was nice. It was probably the most meat I've had in one meal since the beginning of December. It wasn't big, just a bit over 100gm. I cooked two potatoes in their jackets in the microwave for two minutes altogether, sprayed them with oil and heated them on the BBQ. A huge fresh salad completed the meal. I meant to open the bottle of wine oneof my sons had given me. It was a good red and would have been nice with the BBQ, but I forgot. Husband doesn't drink it, so I tend to forget it's there.

My good choices at lunch yesterday were somewhat spoilt by the slice of marbled cheesecake I had at my son's later with some good coffee. It too wasn't big,but was certainly quite rich. Probably a bit under an inch wide. I enjoyed it. It was birthday cake for DIL.

MIL of course was with us, and my mother actually was asked too. Normally, my side of the family tends to be left out of things, but my son collected mum in the morning and ran her home. I've even had birthday dinners where she has been invited and because no one was near Mum, she hasn't been able to come. And I can't really do anything about it. Two DILs took into their own hands last year and arranged an afternoon for my birthday. I suspected this was what had happened, but I was just asked to Mum's that afternoon. When we got there,it was a surprise party and MIL wasn't there. Husband was annoyed,but I hadn't known anything which was a really good excuse.

Back to MIL. My husband told Mark that she didn't have her saccharine tablets so just to give her sugar. This was for at least four cups of coffee through the day. Mark didn't want to do this as she is a diabetic,so he just gave her the coffee with nothing in it. She doesn't seem to have noticed anything different. She was also given only a tiny slice of cake.

When we returned to the house for coffee and cake, my mother put her very expensive leather bag on a chair and then went to the bathroom. On her return, she couldn't find her bag. MIL was sitting on it. She hadn't seen it when she sat down,and hadn't felt anything when she sat on it. Mum was NOT impressed.

We just had a phone call from her. She was in a bad mood and snapped at my husband for refusing to bring her something she had asked for yesterday. Now, I wasn't with them closely yesterday but I didn't hear any request. He doesn't know of any either. He asked her what she wanted when she rang. She has no idea! She was just stewing over the refusal which apparently was never made. He told her to ring again when she knew what she was talking about, so we probably won't hear any more of that.

It's been lovely weather today. A bit more like this and I might even get out the door in the morning and walk. Humidity has dropped remarkably and it's been quite cool. Almost as if a page in a book has been turned over. Now it's feeling as if autumn might be here. A couple of days ago it ws hot and excessively muggy. Just lovely today.

Monday, March 14th

I really must make more effort with this. Somehow the days just slip past. We did have more trouble with MIL. I think she possibly had a slight stroke early in the week. Her speech was slurred and her mind more so. She had trouble moving around. My husband asked me to go up to the home, but I had an appointment. Nursing staff would still have had to be alerted and I have no authority to authorise any treatment. So he went himself. She was furious he had alerted the Director of Nursing who came down to see her. I think her last visit was probably to tell MIL she needed to shower and change as there had been complaints. They monitored her, although I would have been calling the doctor and it seemed to pass through the day. A brain scan a couple of years ago showed she had had lots of small TIAs and I imagine this was a bit bigger.

I've lost a kilo although I'm not too sure how. I suppose I've just been a lot more careful with my food. I don't intend to find it again either! Lots of fresh fruit and salad and a fair amount of seafood. Portion control has been better too.

Sometimes I feel not so much discouraged as uninterested. why bother? And that's when the quantities of biscuits etc goes up. They might be Saladas, not TimTams which I don't like, but to have too many with peanut butter or cheese is a BAD THING. Yet I know how much better I felt when I lost quite a bit of weight a couple of years ago. Blood pressure went down and I didn't take medication for it for a year. Clothes shopping was easier and I had more energy.

So let's get back in that frame of mind, instead of sabotaging myself and my health as well!

Tuesday,March 16th

Two days in a rwo. That must be some sort of a record for the last few weeks. It's been a lovely day today but started out very muggy. I went shopping and that's almost exercise in itself. Burwood shopping centre takes the whole block between two streets, and it's a big block. Three floors of shops and the main shops are right at the end of each floor. Even planning carefully, I get to do a lot of walking. And down to the bus and back again afterwards all adds up. And I'm babysitting tomorrow too, so will probably get more walking done there.

I think my mind is gradually beginning to focus on things a bit better. It sounds silly, but all the things happening in my family over the last few months have taken a lot of energy to deal with. Deaths, illnesses, divorce, abuse, problems with my mum and sister, family tensions,possible cancer and a new baby and another one due. Just life I suppose, and many of course are much worse off, but my attention has been diverted. It's easy to say "just get on with it," but I have seen someone be that self focussed and she turned into a person who was very self-centred and not particularly nice to know. In the family too, and that's another cause of tension.

So hopefully, things are on the upturn. I've been knitting heaps and find that that is almost like meditation. It's certainly a stress relief.

I'm not tracking as WeightWatchers would call it, but I am carefully trying to eat low GI foods and to eat proper sized portions of all the food groups daily. It seems to be paying off and I haven't felt hungry. Low GI is no problem. I always eat grain bread etc and lots of fruit and vegetables. Try to even out the peaks and troughs so there is a moderate level.

I'm not too sure how I'll go tomorrow night. A woman I know has an exhibition of photos froma trip to Cuba and I'm going to the opening night with some friends, if we can get together long enough to make some definite plans for transport. It's in a small gallery in Darlinghurst, so one car would be preferable to several. Parking is very hard to find down around there.

Wednesday March 23rd

What a night. Gale force winds were forecast and extremely heavy rain. We've had the rain, and are still having it. I don't think the winds were quite as bad as forecast, but they were pretty noisy and gusty. I couldn't sleep so got up early.

The weather is grey and quite unpleasant and it matches my mood. I'm tired and achey from the colder change. A good friend has some serious tests and ultrasounds today, and that's a big concern to me. The elderly father of a very good friend of mine died late last week. Peacefully in his sleep which was a blessing. He had quite a few medical conditions and trips to hospital usually ended with his medications all out of balance and being given at the wrong times. The funeral was yesterday, fairly small. My friend did well. All the details fell to him to organise as he has no siblings. I did do some proofreading of the order of service and went with him to Officeworks for photocopies, but couldn't do much else to help.

Husband has taken a day off today. Car is in for a service. When he came downstairs about 8:30 am, I asked what time it was due at the garage. He'd totally forgotten he'd booked it in for 7:00 am. What will he be like later??

I've been weighing myself on a Wednesday, but didn't do it this morning. I was up early and brought my clothes downstairs, so was all dressed and breakfasted by the time my husband appeared. Always tomorrow, I suppose. I'm actually not expecting another kilo, although that would be nice. Don't think I've been as diligent as the last couple of weeks.

I've made fresh bread and some soup for lunch seeing as there are two of us at home. Good soup weather too. I think I said it was very unpleasant today?

Thursday, 24th March

Again I forgot to weigh. At this rate, I might as well leave it for the week. I was dressed and had eaten before I thought of it today. Beautiful day today. Sunshine and almost no wind inplaceof the gales we've been having. It would have been a good day to go to the Ester Show. However, I've left it a bit late. Things like that need to be started early in the morning. I haven't been for years. My friend, whose dad died, is there every year for St John Ambulance where he holds several positions. However, he has missed out so far this year. I think he's planning on going tomorrow. The Uni holidays are usually on during Show time and lots of cadets are able to attend. This year however, holidays are not for a couple of weeks and the number of volunteers is down.

I'm still off meat and we had had meat dishes for several days where I had just eaten the veges accompanying the meat. Yesterday it was cold, wet and windy. (I think I might have mentioned that yestrda?) Soup weather. I made celery soup and served it with fresh bread. Yummo. Even with some milk, by the time I made four servings, any points would have been low. For dinner I made a pumpkin, ricotta and sage pie. Came from Table magazine I think. Pumpkin is baked and mashed. 3 eggs and some ricotta cheese, a bit of parmesan, sage, pepper and salt. All poured into a pie dish with one sheet of pastry. It would make 6 medium serves or 4 very large serves. It was nice and even nicer cold. I had a small piece along with a serve of leftover soup for lunch. There's still bread I made yesterday but I've had enough for the moment. Had two pieces with my soup yesterday. I think it's the first time I've used butter for at least 6 weeks. Another casualty of not eating meat. I'm just not interested in using it. No ethical type reasons. Just gone right off it. And it was early December when I last ate anything like a serve of meat.

Saturday was to have been a family picnic in the park for husband's birthday which was last week. I cancelled that but now the weather is good. Who nows what Saturday will be like. Certainly I think the ground will still be wet and slippery. I can't be bothered doing the full scale production and having it at home at this late stage. Everyone was bringing their own picnic and I suppose I was bringing a cake. Hadn't thought much about that side of things.

I very much doubt that there will be anything gone this week. I've not been eating chocolate. I've had a couple of small eggs but that's all. Chocolate doesn't tempt me greatlyand I can usually withstand any calls made by it to me.

However, I haven't been helped by a lack of planning or a forgetful mind or both. I usually eat a good muesli for breakfast and some fruit. Forgot to buy more. This morning I just had fruit, but had toast yesterday. Altogether too much wheaten products for me yesterday and I felt bloated last night. Bagel for lunch and somemore butter. Most unusual. Soup, quiche and salad for lunch today, but some more fresh bread. Not good.

Then last night I was hoping to actually have the extra hour's sleep fromthe close of daylight saving. Had roast dinner for evening meal. One tiny piece of meat and a pile of veges for me. A coupleof glasses of a good red wine and I was just set to fall asleep. Just in that delightful area between waking and sleeping I heard a car kangarooing down the street. Much like a learner who has trouble with the clutch. Then a terrific thump right outside. We got up in a hurry to find the car had hit a solid brick pillar on the fence over the road. People came out quickly but the driver was trapped. Ambulance soon arrived but they took about 30 minutes to get her out and away. Possible broken leg. I think the car will be a write-off. It was a small car, scraped down the left side, bashed in on the driver's side and extensively damaged where it hit the fence with the front. Police were very slow to attend and stayed ages and then the car had to be loaded on a tow truck. Noise, people, sirens, flashing lights. I couldn't go back tosleep so got up to have some toast which often makes me sleepy.Played a couple of games on the computer and finally went back to bed. Then I woke with indigestion from the toast. Served me right, I suppose. I finally fell asleep some time after 2:00am and entirely missed the extra hour. Still, I suppose, a small price to pay when I consider a probable broken leg for the driver.

Tomorrow is still a holiday here. I have leftover soup ready for lunch and leftover roast beef. Just need some more vegetables and that's tomorrow sorted.

Although yesterday started out fine and sunny and I was beginnng to regret cancelling the family picnic, about 10:00 am it started to rain and rained for the next few hours. I was glad. we need the rain and my decision was vindicated.