Happy New Year! Happy New Year! Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to all! I'm sitting here very early on New Year's Day and wanted to wish everyone a happy new year. I don't know about you, but I know that for me and some of my friends, last year was not always what we would have wanted. I suppose that very few of us have years that live up to our expectations, unless those are very low.

Now that's not always our fault, in fact I think that often it's not our fault. We don't control world events. External circumstances are usually beyond our control, even in our families. Nor would I want to be the sort of person who exerts control and emotional blackmail over my family. However, how I react to what happens is pretty much controlled by me. Some things are occasionally so big that they overwhelm us for a while. That's fine, but we need to take the control over our reactions back into our own hands. I can change myself and what I do, even if I can't change others. Hopefully, if I change myself, then others may also change, but I shouldn't count on it. At least I will know that I am not letting circumstances overwhelm me totally.

Mmmmm, getting a bit deep for so early in the morning.

While I was not talking specifically about losing weight and about food, that of course comes into it, although it's only a part of life. My husband wonders why his sons ask when the baby is due. He looks pretty terrible lately. He's on holidays and has been working around the house. He has worn an old singlet which he bought cheaply as it advertised some athletic event long past, and a pair of dreadful shorts. He actually lost a few kilos a couple of months ago but has regained all and more of what was lost. His gut has been hanging well over the shorts leaving a gap between the singlet and the shorts' waistband. Now I now that a lot of people have a small amount of stomach exposed these days. It's fashionable. He just looks extraordinarily disgusting.

So what did he do last night? He thought we might watch the fireworks together on TV so he stocked up. Cherry brandy chocolates, a huge pack of cashews, some King Island brie, some Tilba cheese with sundried tomatoes, another creamy cheese with garlic and herbs and some tasty cheddar. And lots of water crackers. He was hurt when I asked him which army he planned on feeding. I had a bit of the brie, and a bit of the herb cheese. I cut him some brie but he was offended by the little bit I put on the biscuit so had more. Lots more, lots of times.

As I said, I can't control circumstance always, but I can control my reactions. So that's my resolution for this year, if you can count it as such. I don't make things more specific, because I find it is a good way to fail. However, I am going to try to control my reactions to events better in all areas of life.

Saturday, 4th January

Probably just a short entry today. My right shoulder, shoulder blade, wrist, hand, hip and ankle are all painful from arthritis. It's much more humid today than it has been for a while and my arthrits flares in the humidity. I saw a coffee mug once about someone over 50 cracking up. That's how I feel today.

We went to the beach early yseterday. Left about 7:30 and drove though some rain and heavy fog on the northern freeway. However, the day was beautiful and we didn't leave till after 5:00pm. The water was pleasant and the nor'easter gale which had blown on Monday didn't arrive. Put up the little sun shelter igloo thing husband bought. He burnt on Monday. Said it was the sunscreen we used, but I used the same stuff and didn't have even a tinge of pink. Perhaps it's him. He suggested he was deficient in something and I agreed, but thought it best not to say anything more! He missed my sarcasm entirely.

I swam, went walking around the rocks on the headland when the tide dropped. It had been very high and quite a swell as well. Had lots of salad for lunch and some fruit. Not much breakfast because I slept in. When we reached Umina, my husband asked if I wanted coffee. I didn't, so he called at a bakery. I hoped he would buy me a roll with cheese or something savoury like that. He came out with the most enormous vanilla slice I have ever seen, very proud of himself too. He had cake and a rock cake for himself. Then he stopped at a supermarket and bought a 2 litre container of chocolate milk.

On arrival at the beach he had what he had bought. I had three small bites of the slice. It was sickly sweet with artificial passionfruit icing. He ate the rest, can't waste anything, even if it goes to waist! Most of the chocolate milk too.

On our way home we bought a plate of grilled fish, mussels and calamari from a fish shop in Five Dock. It came with salad and chips. Despite my protests, he's kept my chips which I didn't eat to heat up tonight. I think they will be horrible, but then he's eating them, not me.

Today has been a bit of a veg out sort of day. We bought some more small fish and plants for the pond and I collected the washing to do. I was surprised to see over a week's worth of clothes for me. Still, it's all dry now. I'm marinading some chicken drumsticks to BBQ and have with salad tonight. Time for another Celebrex and I think I need to get off the computer as hand and wrist are aching badly.

I spent two separate days last week at that beach and it still holds its charm for me. We walked around the rocks where every night we had a picnic meal. The rock pools there are as interesting as they ever were. When we arrived, I looked up and saw a man who could have doubled for my father who died several years ago. The same khaki shorts and sandals. Similar walk and skinny build and old style white sailcloth hat. He loved the place.

I suppose this bout of nostalgia was brought on by an email I received from one of my sons this morning. It had a link in it to the Department of Vetrans' Affairs, with dad's war service record. I forwarded it to my sister.

I made a yummy lunch yesterday and we sat outside to eat it. Some hokkien noodles and an enormous amount of stirfried vegetables. I didn't use oil but a Masterfoods Chines BBQ marinade. It's a smoky sort of flavour. Put some ham into it as a concession to MIL who would not regard a plate of veges with any favour, but it didn't really need it. I don't think she liked it, as she took a long while to eat her small portion. However, if I pleased her totally when she eats here would mean I would hate my meal. So I just make food we would normally have. That doesn't mean she doesn't like everything I make. Just means I don't bow down to her tastes alone. For many years, she has lived on next to nothing, but when she did cook, almost everything was pressure cooked. She even used to pressure cook cabbage. Stinky slimy mess was the result. I like my vegetables very crisp and crunchy.

I am going to a conference for part of this week. I need to take lunch so will make some more of the yummy Vietnamese ricepaper rolls and the chili dipping sauce. Different and very nice. I was buying some more rice vermicelli in in Woolworths last night when I found the same brand of ricepaper wrappers. Coles didn't have them. These were the large size, good for lunch and were the same price as the Asian grocery -$2 for an awful lot. Easy to use and quite delicious. Each paper needs to be soaked in water for about a minute to make it pliable. Add some rice vermicelli soaked in hot water then well drained, prawns/pork, garlic chives in strips and strips of finely sliced raw vegetables, ie. carrot and avocado. A bit of shredded lettuce. Whatever takes your fancy. Fold in one side of the wrapper and roll up from the bottom. A bit fiddly, but easy and delicious and different. Unused wrappers keep well in the original packet sealed with some sticky tape.

I'm just about conferenced out. Today is the last day. Last night's session went later than normal and I needed to unwind before I went to bed so played a few games. However, I woke at 4:30am this morning and haven't been able to get back to sleep. I'm looking forward to a sleep-in tomorrow. I don't leave home till 10:00, but when I'm awake early, I've already been up for what seems like a day.

Eating wasn't too good yesterday. I take lunch for us which is usually a salad roll and fruit and we buy dinner. However yesterday afternoon, my friend and I skipped a session and had a coffee in a Lebanese patisserie. We also had a pastry or whatever. I chose a tiny thing with a date paste inside. It was really barely a mouthful in size. We were having a really good time, just sitting talking and discussing some things and time went quickly. They had homemade gelato which I haven't had in years, so we bought some. Served in glass bowls. I chose mango, lemon and hazlenut. Each was lovely. I've absolutely no idea of points for gelato. Mostly fruit, water and sugar. However it was refreshing and so was our time together. Sometimes I find that looking after "me" involves more than just being careful with food, although health is important too. Input is needed into other things than physical. Emotions, feelings and the mind are all important and need to be nurtured too.

This was by now quite a late afternoon tea session. We got back to the conference far too late to make an entrance, so went to the lunch area and sat and talked some more. When the dinner break arrived, we were still full of sugar so we skipped that meal. Not good.

I've packed a slightly smaller lunch today, so hopefully we will be looking for dinner. I think we want to go back to the Lebanese restaurant where we had such a nice meal the other day. Share a plate and have some salad and Lebanese bread. Healthy, and delicious.

Hopefully, I'll catch up more here at the weekend when I've had some more sleep.

As it's only Sunday evening, it's still the weekend and I'm doing a catch-up. Excuse me while I shake the choc-chip biscuit crumbs off the keyboard. Too good to waste. Actually, I try not to eat at the computer because it is far too easy to just sit and eat without noticing anything going in. Oh, was that lunch just gone?? And so on.

I did make some choc chip biscuits to take to church. I haven't made these for years. In fact, I couldn't find my recipe and had to ring my mother to get it. I was reminded of them by one son who wants some for his birthday in a couple of weeks. They have proper dark chocolate in them. The recipe says "Smalls" chocolate and that can still be bought. However, it's now only a name as Smalls seems to have been taken over by Nestlé. Choc bits aren't half as nice. Also has condensed milk. I had skim condensed milk and opened the tin, measured out what was needed and the rest went straight into the freezer for later. Now that is self control! Unfortunately the control didn't last when I brought home a few remaining biscuits.

I'm off to bed soon but will have a bath and use the spa mat the boys gave me at Christmas. A long soak will be good.

As you might have guessed by the regularity of my entries over the last few days, my greatest priority hasn't been weightloss. I had to make myself open Angelfire this morning and am now confronted with basically a week since my last update.

Part of this is due to what is going on around me. I'm horrified and saddened by the loss of life and property in Canberra in particular, but also in other parts of the country as well this week. So sad. The parent church of the one I attend was destroyed by fire and I know several people who have lost their homes too. There will be lots of questions to answer about this, but now is not the time for name calling and mud slinging.

I've not been sleeping well lately. Not too sure why, but sleep deprivation is not good. I've been awake and often up just after 3:00am quite a lot lately. In fact, far too often for my liking. Last week I was at my son's where I spend the night after babysitting all day. I heard the door to my room open and then a little voice said, "You want cuddle, Ganma?" Now before 6:00 am I did not want a cuddle, but who could resist that? So she climbed into bed with me and then began the usual two year old's wriggling till she was across the queensized bed and I was on the other edge. Then she got up and went out. Came back some time later and told me to feel her hand which were wet. Told me she had washed them. There used to be a footstool in th bathroom for her to do this, but it had been moved. So what did she use? Cat' waterbowl? Who knows?

Finally gave in and got up. Found she'd helped herself to a small yoghurt from the fridge and turned on ABCKids channel. I made her a drink and some toast before her mother came down. She was most surprised to see us up because she hadn't heard anything of all this. At least someone got some sleep, I suppose.

I've been eating lots of salad and things like that, so it hasn't been all bad. However, right at the moment I just don't seem to have any motivation. Perhaps a good night's sleep would help.

My friend has called in a couple of times this week as we prepare for a camp at the end of the month. We've split the talks between us. We've gone out for lunch twice which has been nice. Nothing at all fancy, but a pleasant time. Subway once because it was right next door to Officeworks where we went for some stuff. On Monday it was the local Vietnamese. Just a soup sort of thing with their good stock. Lots of flavour and no grease.

MIL has been a pain lately. Nothing I can really say much about in a big way, but a lot of niggling little things, having a go at me. She said something last Sunday at lunch when #2 son and wife were here for lunch. I actually jumped on her for what she said and both of them did at the same time. She sat and scowled for the rest of the time. Usually I let things like this slide over the top of me, but occasionally it gets to me.

Will try to get back in here on Friday

Here it is early on Thursday and I am updating again. Had a shocker of a night last night. Just could not sleep and seemed to be up and down all night. I eventually grabbed a cotton blanket and lay on the lounge where I was joined by two of our three cats. Just a bit crowded, to say the least. And wouldn't you know it, I have to be out of the house to mind Mya earlier than usual. My husband usually drives me to West Ryde station on Thursdays and then goes on to work which is between Top Ryde and Epping Road. Today however, he is doing something different and not leaving till about 9:00am. I have to change trains at either Burwood or Strathfield. That means I need to be on my way by about 6:30 because of the few trains from my station in the morning. Sure hope Mya doesn't have a fit of two-year-old indepencence today. See you tomorrow, hopefully after a better sleep tonight.

And a hot Australia Day it has been. Fires still burning but now in different areas. The drought goes on and on and even in the city I can see its effect on roadside plantings. There are forecasts of showers this week, but how often have the forecasts been wrong lately? And it's not showers we need but "steady soaking rain" as Dorothea Mackellar's poem puts it.

I've had a busy weekend with a wedding and a dinner for my son's birthday. I've managed the food angle fairly well sticking to salads and cold meat and steering clear of the sausages and gooey cakes.

That's more than can be said for MIL. Her blood sugar count was almost four times normal last night and the nursing staff were alarmed at the amount of insulin that count required. She couldn't care less. I'm sure she has no idea of the need to balance food and insulin, although I know it has been explained to her. The wedding was fairly informal and had an afternoon tea. Everytime I looked at her, she was chewing or restocking her plate. Then she complained that there were only cakes to eat, so what else could she do. Not so. There were prawns on little slices of baguettes, asparagus rolls, yummy fruit, cheese and plain biscuits and lots of other such things. Cakes weren't brought out till later. She really has no excuse except that she was pigging out.

After all this, she came with us (uninvited), to dinner at son's and had an enormous plateful of food there. No wonder her blood sugar was up.

We've had a fairly quiet day here after yesterday's activities. It was hot and we turned on the air conditioner in the bedroom for an afternoon sleep. About 5:30 pm, I made a ham sandwich each, threw some drink and peaches into the small icepack and we went to Abbotsford. It's just on ten minutes by car from here. We drove right down to the Parramatta River and we found a spot in the shade on the decking of a rowing club. We sat there, dangling our feet in the water and watched an amazing variety of boats go up and down. These went from little kayaks, flat bottomed tinnies to cruisers, big yachts and several rivercats. There were several speedboats hooning up and down. One was aptly named "Commotion!" Almost every one of them was flying an Australian flag. One boat had so many that the boat could hardly be seen. We sat there and watched the tide go out. A pleasant end to Australia day.

the last day of January...one twelfth of the year gone already. I think the dreadful fires all over the eastern coast of Australia have helped this month just disappear. And still they come. Not surprising after days like yesterday. Temperatures over 40 degrees, even in the city and horrible winds. I closed the house up early yesterday when minding Mya and put the fans on. It wasn't too bad till about 2:00pm when the temperature really climbed. Fortunately her mother had finished all her bookings and didn't wait to see if anyone else wanted a haircut. She came home early and we took off to Hornsby Westfield. I normally hate the place, but yesterday was a different story. We went to Softplay and let Mya run around while we sat in the cool and had a drink.

Then today, there has been a horrible train smash on the south coast line. Eight people are confirmed dead and many others critically injured. How horrible.

I'm away for the weekend. I'm speaking at a weekend conference at Katoomba. More fires up there, but not near where we are going. We do have backup plans if the worst happened and the place was cancelled. Must hurry. I need to have lunch and finish packing before being picked up at 2:00pm. That's just over half an hour away. Catch you later.