We fought against
A Communist dictator
There was no need
For a master orator
We simply had to fight
And oh we fought
They were long crazy nights
At least we didn’t get caught

The days were peaceful
Quiet and tame
But needless to say
That got to be lame

Bombs flied
Children cried
In the end
There was no place to hide
Shots were fired
We were tired
And afterwards
Everyone inquired

“Were you really up past three?”
“Why didn’t they set him free?”
Oh yes, there were prisoners
Elliott was our Trojan horse
Only Jared and I hadn’t foreseen
The terrible things that could have been
Young Elliott was tied to the floor
Raped and beaten and so much more
Those filthy bastards wouldn’t open the door

We pounded and called
Our lives were stalled
To get our comrade back
“Were you really up past three?” (Whoa-oh!)
“Why didn’t they set him free?” (Whoa-oh!)
Yes, they captured E
But he escaped in the morning
We bombarded them with meat (Whoa-oh!)
E shot Eric in the teat (Whoa-oh!)
Then we stole their TP
From then on they could only pee

Jared left
And so did I
A shot to Eric’s back
Was my goodbye
I learned later they took our stronghold
Elliott got dumped with water that was so cold
In the end they took the day
Had Jared and I been there it would’ve gone another way
But the battle is far from over
It will continue when we’re wiser, older
Next time there will be another end
Come one, come all, and bring a friend
And witness the never-ending Thespian War