Challenge - E-mail

Dear Mom,

I hope you don't mind that I sent this to you through aunt Val's e-mail but, I have some things to tell you that I couldn't do face to face. Voice to voice even. And I know that if I sat down and wrote this to you on paper it would never get put into an envelope and sent. So this was the only way I could think of to tell you who I really am; what I have really been up to and all I can do is hope that you still love me afterwards.

Before I go on I want to make two things clear. The first is that I love you and the girls so much, even if you hate me after what I'm about to say please always remember that I love you. And the second.. And I stress this point mom is that none of this was or is any of you fault. I made the choices I made on my own please promise me you won't blame yourself.

Ok.. So I should start from the beginning right? I guess.. Things fell through when I came here. When I moved away with hopes and dreams only to find that I wasn't the only one with them. There were millions just like me who were there to make their dreams come true and were broke while doing it. I honestly looked for a job. Every day until my money run out I looked for work and I would have done anything. I applied for cleaning jobs, waiting jobs everything I could until my last penny was spent. So please don't think I didn't try because I did. And then I was sitting there in this old café drinking the last cup of coffee I could afford when a man approached me. Said he had been watching me and guessed I could use his help, said he could find me work.. So I took it. Not knowing what it was I took it. And I regretted my decision everyday after. The man, he was a pimp. A well known one apparently, only I didn't know and before I knew it I had a place to stay and food and clothes. Before I knew it I was indebted to him. I was a hooker mom and I've never been more ashamed of anything in my life. I slept with men for money and then I sent the money to you.. I just didn't know what else to do. I'm sorry.

I hated myself for it. For lowering myself so much and while I'm being honest with you I need to tell you it all. I hated myself so much that I couldn't bare to live anymore. I just wanted out. I love you guys but I didn't want to live, I didn't want to live with who I had become. And I'm sorry to be telling you this now.. But I have to. I wanted you to know… I wrote you a letter saying goodbye. But the funny thing? I dropped in the stairwell in my haste to end it all. And Joey.. A neighbour of mine found it. He saved me mom. He banged on my door until I let him in and he took me home with him. He made me see what I was doing. What I would've done to you if I had gone through with it. He made me see that even if I wanted to end who I was I didn't want to die. And I don't. I don't want to die and I won't. not until it's my time because I love you and I can't imagine not being apart of your life. I couldn't handle not seeing you or the girls ever again.

I wrote this e-mail to you to say goodbye. Goodbye to my old life. I don't prostitute myself anymore. I have a job, as a waiter in Joey's restaurant. I live with him too until I get back on my feet. He is a great person mom and he saved my life. Something I am very grateful for. He means a lot to me even though I never tell him so. I never really tell him much of anything but he is the best-friend I've got. I hope you can forgive me. I never meant to let you down. I love you and I am on the right track, and just knowing that the money I send you from now on is honest and worked hard, for is the greatest feeling in the world to me right now. I hope you can still find it in your heart to call me. Let me know how you feel. Because I will understand if you are upset with me, if you are disappointed in me but please don't stop loving me.

Christopher Alan

Chris re-read the letter and swiped at the few tears falling down his cheeks. His finger trembled as he hovered the mouse over the 'send' command. Taking a deep breath he clicked it. He sent the e-mail bearing his soul to the one person he loved most in the world. He stared at the screen for a few long seconds, thinking that something should have changed. He had made a huge step and the same blank screen just stared back at him. He quickly turned it off and heard it beep as he slipped into bed and wormed his way into Joey's strong embrace. It was only there he felt peaceful and safe. He went to sleep.