Three Steps Of Forgiveness

     It is amazing to me, that though there are countless hymns praising God for forgiving us, it is hard to find one that speaks of us forgiving others. Yet Jesus set us an eternal example while He was dying on the cross. "Father, forgive them!" He prayed.

     The Bible reminds us that, just as we are forgiven by God, so we are supposed to forgive others. Moreover, it says we are to forgive - without clarification. For instance, it does not say we are to forgive - IF the person is sorry. Does this mean we are supposed to forgive even if the person is not sorry? Yes, that is made clear. There is no "if" involved. We are to forgive - period.

     There are so many Bible verses, and hymns, that promise God's help for all of our needs. Well, we must always remember, that He will also help, when our deepest need is to be able to forgive someone who has harmed us.

     When deeply hurt, I have sometimes cried to God - "I WANT to forgive this person, but I just can't seem to do it! Every time I think about the issue, such anger rises up again, in my heart! HOW can I forgive, Father? Please help me!"

     It is not in our human nature to forgive an excruciating emotional wound. Only God can help us forgive. Truly forgive. And to make it even more difficult, forgiveness is not always a simple one-time thing. Because we are not humanly able to forget, there are three steps to forgiveness, as far as I can see:

forgive

let go

repeat

     To forgive in the first place takes real Christian grace, and a deep desire to please God. But to let go of it, which must be the meaning of "forget" is even harder, particularly if the offender is still in contact with us. Then, even when we can truly let go, unfortunately, there may be strong reminders that come up, flaring the hurt and anger again, and it is necessary to forgive and let go again. Years may go by the the same continual process going on. There have been times when I was deeply weary with the process. I wished I could take an eraser, and wipe the memory completely out of my brain. Eventually, with God's help, I am able to let go, and the anger is gone for good. Oh, how I praise God when He gives me that peace!

     One time when I was feeling sorry for myself about this spiritual struggle and exercise that is required of me, I began to wonder if perhaps it could be GOOD for me. WHAT? To be hurt, and become humble, and forgive; and then do it all again and again - GOOD FOR ME?

     Gulp. The more I thought about it, the clearer it became. Who did I think I was, to begrudge having to go through this? Why should I not experience hurt? Everyone else does. Everyone hurts and gets hurt sometime or other.

     Isn't this exactly what God does with us? We sin, we repent, He forgives. He doesn't hold grudges like we do, but puts our sins completely away. Yet we turn around and sin again. A continual process. And He loves us still, with a whole and pure love.

* As far as the east is from the west, [so] far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Psa 103:12

     When an old bitterness rears its ugly head, I strive to remember that God forgives me without bitterness. That forgiving is a very small thing to do for my Heavenly Father. That indeed, I am forgiving FOR Him. Because He is the one I want most to please, and He is the One Who gives me the strength to do it at all.

* ...Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Mat 18:21a,22

     Why is it so very hard for me to forgive a deep personal hurt? After all, I am far from perfect, myself. I have done things that hurt people too. That I did not mean to, is not the point. The point is, I despised myself for hurting someone, and I longed to be forgiven by them.

     The Bible says we are to pray to our Heavenly Father:

* ...forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors... Matthew 6:12

     It leaves no room for doubt.

     Forgiveness is a spiritual exercise, as surely as walking is a physical exercise. Both are good for me.

     The importance of exercise has been scientifically proven. I've heard the phrase "use it or lose it" and wondered if it was really true. I have never been fond of exercise. Now, as I grow older, and less agile, I can already see that it is true. Well, the spiritual exercise of forgiveness is even more important. It is obedience to God.

And all ye men of tender heart,
Forgiving others, take your part,
O sing ye! Alleluia!
Ye who long pain and sorrow bear,
Praise God and on Him cast your care!

Francis of Assisi, circa 1225

     Why would I want piles of old hurts and wounds and anger to be lying around the basement of my mind, year after year? Eventually, my mind would be filled up and poisoned with all those things. Forgiving is like cleaning our minds of all those poisonous issues. Purifying the places where God would bring His blessings, so He has a clear place to put them. To purify our dark places of resentment, we must:

forgive

let go

repeat

     There are three good reasons to keep up the effort of forgiving others. One, it is God's will that I forgive, both for my good, and the offender's good. Two, I want to forgive, because I don't want to sin, by refusing to forgive. Three, through my true forgiveness, God is able to show a glimpse of His mercy to the offender.

     And after all, that is my earnest and ceaseless desire - to be someone that God can speak through, to bless others.

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

Frances R. Havergal February 1874

© 2004 Rosemary Gwaltney