So Much Yet To Learn

   Sometimes I feel very discouraged because I realize there is so much for me yet to learn. I complain, I feel irritated, and then the Holy Spirit gently reminds me that my attitude needs improving. I hear Him, because I so desire to improve, and I am listening.

   But I even feel impatient, that so many things need improving in my character, even after all these years! Why can't I be a wonderful, patient, sweet wife every day! I thought that loving my husband would be enough, and I do love him so very much, but it doesn't ensure my success. I try so hard, and have tried so long! How could I still have so far to go!

   However, this morning, a new insight encouraged me.

   People don't become skilled, specialized surgeons as soon as they walk in the Kindergarten doors with their mothers, and get registered as students! Certainly, they are now members of a school which will lead to other schools, which could eventually guide them to that place, but it would take decades of studying.

   Why then, would we think that as soon as we are led to the Lord by our mothers, or whoever God brings into our lives to lead us, and are saved, and accepted into the family of God, we would automatically know all that He has to teach us!

   No, learning is something that never ends. It is a positive thing, when a person desires to continue learning. Not only in human skills, but in spiritual knowledge. Particularly in spiritual issues, because they are issues that our Heavenly Father wants us to work on.

   For most of my life, I have worked on the spiritual issues regarding parenting. Patience, fairness, self control and others. But now I am faced with a new challenge. The spiritual issues regarding being a wife. Yes, I still need patience, fairness and self control, but oh, I need such a variety of other things now. Tolerance for the other person's differences; acceptance for the other person's attitudes; restraint from saying negative things when I disagree with the way the other person does things.

   People joke about being irritated as newlyweds, by the way their new spouse squeezes the toothpaste tube, leaves their dirty socks on the floor, or does not cook the things they wish for. But these, and many more, can sincerely be trials. It is like the pre-school of self control. A person has to choose either to gripe, or to quietly put up with the things which grate upon them.

   The biggest lesson is that one CAN NOT change the other person. They can only change themselves. It is possible that the other person may love or respect their spouse enough to change themselves in some areas. But no one can change another adult. When I married the first time, at seventeen, I was not aware of this at all. It was a difficult and frustrating lesson for me. At least I have now learned that one well. I should hope so, by fifty-three!

   The better a person learns to put up with the small things, the easier it will be to continue loving your spouse as bigger things come along with the years.

   Later, it might be a disagreement in how to raise a child; differences in the things you enjoy doing and places you enjoy going to; or changes in intimacy, and the needs of one growing apart from the needs of the other.

   But whether the subject is marriage, or any other under the sun, learning to cope gracefully is something that takes a lifetime to learn. At least for me.

   I was ungraciously thinking last night that if only I were a robot, I would never do anything that displeased my dear husband. I would never long for anything he didn't want to give. That was self pity talking, and I knew it. That was the enemy feeding me his diet of poisonous thoughts, which he tries so hard to make me eat.

   Ah, but God did not make me a robot, and of course, I would not want to be one. He blessed me with excellent skills in many areas, and created me with a clear lack of skills in other areas, sometimes really crucial emotional ones. Some of these gaps have been honest disabilities for me. They have also been opportunities for me to grow in grace, and to spend a lot of time on my knees, asking for help, guidance, and forgiveness.

   God gave me deep and passionate longings for some things, and a sincere patience to cheerfully do without others. Also He gave me the choice of whether to control, or not control my own behavior, though learning HOW to control it was a long lesson.

   Like the following verse explains, just as newborn babies hunger desperately for milk, so they may survive and grow; we hunger for Jesus to teach us the ability to lose our negative qualities, so that we may live a Christ-like life, and grow in Him. We are directed to desire the Word, in order to grow spiritually - it is not a suggestion, it is a command. It is, you see, the only way to grow. It is the best way that the Holy Spirit communicates with us.

    * As newborn babes, DESIRE the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby. 1 Peter 2:2