A Winter Of Cleansing

   There is something so beautiful about camping. I loved taking my children to spend time in the country, seeing what God made. As they were growing up, we spent weeks every year, traveling, and getting dirty. Now that is a fact. There is one thing that is hard to be able to do while exploring the woods, and that is washing. First, there may not be water available, to bathe in. Second, with all the dirt you pick up outdoors, there may not be time to catch up with it all. Washing a few parts at a time, may be all a person can do.

   Being a young mother, it can be likewise difficult to find time to spend, keeping track of one's soul, and asking God to cleanse it from unrighteousness. As a young mother, my life was busy day and night. God understood that, I know, because He gave me my children. Certainly, I asked for forgiveness when I lost my patience, or displeased the Lord in a way that hurt my conscience. But I was spiritually mostly going round in circles. My relationship with Christ consisted mainly of thanking Him for my children, praying for patience, and strength. Also, very importantly, praying for the wisdom to help them walk with Him, and please Him.

   All those young years, I was teaching my children everything I knew about God's love, and how important it was to love Him. However, I really didn't spend much time sitting down and just talking to the Lord, alone. I consistently prayed in the shower, but His calling had filled up my days and nights quite completely. During those marvelous times when everyone was asleep, I collapsed into bed, and either read a book, or watched TV, then slept. Looking back, I see that my spiritual walk had kind of turned into a stand. I was standing with Christ, with the children gathered around, but spiritually, I was not moving forward in my spirit. Little did I dream that there was an entire cleansing revival waiting for me, when I grew older, and had more time to reflect, and pray.

   The revival has come. I am older, and as I sit still, praying, I can feel myself moving. I'm in motion toward Christ, thanking God for both joys and trials, because I trust in His mercy, grace, and wisdom entirely. And He is in motion toward me. We are side by side as always, but walking closer together than before.

   When my children were grown, I began to search for a new calling, to add to motherhood. A large part of my life was still ahead, and I had become burdened by a new thought. I could not see any obvious way that God would be able to use me for His glory in my future.

   In my new-found urgency, something began to happen deep inside. I found that all that time spent in prayer each day, searching for His guidance, created a longing to become closer to Him. My walk with God was becoming a much more intensely personal one. Last winter, as I prayed for Christ to show me what I could do for Him now, an amazing realization began to dawn on me. He wanted me to take this time, simply to draw closer to Him!

   I began to ask God how to draw closer. I wanted to give Him my whole heart, and be closer than ever before. It was then, little by little, that my mind was drawn to specific wrongs I had just put in the back of my mind, and never dealt with. There were old resentments I had not let go of, from decades before. I had been picking up dirt, here and there, on my journey of motherhood. I hadn't taken time to stop, forgive, and experience God cleansing my heart. I came to realize that with these resentments sitting around the corners of my heart, like dark blotches, I could not have a clean and holy heart, to give to my Saviour.

    * Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults. Psa 19:12

   All winter long, one after the other, I worked on freeing myself of these sins, with God's help. With each forgiveness, God was cleansing my soul. No sooner would I get rid of one, than I would remember another one! It was a major spiritual bath! It was a personal revival. I would gaze out the window at the peaceful snowy forest, and think how appropriate it was, that God had called me to cleanse my heart in the winter, for as the Bible says:

    * wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Psa 51:7b

    * Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. Psa 51:2

   I have been spiritually camping all winter - on the move - exploring my own soul - hiking up through a strange forest, knowing that Christ was with me. But this journey has consisted of stumbling into pools, and being spiritually bathed the entire way.

    * If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

    * And I will cleanse them from all their iniquity, whereby they have sinned against me; and I will pardon all their iniquities, whereby they have sinned, and whereby they have transgressed against me. Jer 33:8

   This quest has been very humbling. I had no idea how filthy I had become, deep within. I did not realize how much closer to God I could become. Now, I have a clue. Now I see just how far I have to go, and that my simple, strong faith has not been enough. At least, it isn't enough now. It is clear that at least for now, my calling is to achieve a closer relationship with my Heavenly Father. He is drawing me closer to Himself. How wonderful it is that He wants me close! The future is something He is planning, and will show me when He is ready. Or perhaps, it is that He will show me when He knows I am ready.