Picking the reciever up off the nightstand, I hesitated, then slammed it back down, receiving a loud crack as the plastic hit the wood.
Should I call her? I thought, gazing down at the strip of paper in my hand. I mean, Alex must have given it to me for a reason, right? And girls usually want you to call them right after, right? I sighed, rolling my eyes at my own stupidity. After what, pee-brain? You haven’t even gone out with this girl yet and you think she’s expecting a call from you? We only met at a funeral. Then, a thought occurred to me. She probably needs comforting and that’s what Alex asked me to do. She told me to comfort her cousin. I smiled to myself. And I always do what my friends ask in a time of need. Taking a deep breath, I picked up the phone once again. Quickly dialing the number Alex had scribbled down for me, I jumped slightly as the first ring echoed in my ear.
I wasn’t really sure where I was going. I was just wandering, trying to find a quiet place to be alone. And a safe place. Lately, I’d only being feeling safe when I was with JC. When I was alone, I felt unprotected and . . . well, weak. I wasn’t sure if I could handle being by myself because I was afraid of what I would do. Not to other, but to my own self.
It’s not like I would commit suicide or anything. It was my head that was ripping me apart. I had so many thoughts leading me in so many directions that I about to go insane.
Looking around, I found a tall tree in the middle of Mel’s backyard. I shook my head. I had made a circle around the block, coming to the exact place I had started. Taking my hands out of my pockets, I climbed onto the spot where the tree split and straddled it, Leaning against one side, my cheek resting against my arms.
My first thoughts were of my dad. Of course, I was upset that he died. I had a right to be. Yet, I felt that if I were ever happy, I’d be betraying him. I didn’t know why I felt that way, but I did, and it scared me.
My next thoughts were of JC. At that, I smiled. He had been so good to me through everything. He’d respected my wishes by leaving me alone during those few months I had asked for. He had been kind to Brian, and even Kevin, offering comfort when needed. And he had stuck by me through my father’s funeral. He loved me. There was no doubt in my mind about that. There was also no doubt that I loved him.
My eyes gazed down at the ring. I began twirling it on my finger, just watching as the morning sunlight danced off it and shined on the tree leaves above. I was scared to marry him, now.
I had dreamt about the wedding many times in my sleep. I had been dressed in a long, flowing white gown, watching the Elis, Claire, Mel, Roxie, and Star walk down the isle before me, escorted by Joey, Brian, Justin, Lance, and Kevin. Chris had been standing by JC’s side, grinning at me as I was escorted down the isle. When I’d turned my head to look at my escort, it had been Josh. Tears had welled up in my eyes and he’d squeezed my hand, smiling down at me. Looking back down the isle, my eyes had locked with JC’s and we were both smiling. When I’d reached him, Josh had kissed my cheek and took his place next to Chris. JC and I had turned towards the alter. Standing there had been a priest and a rabbi.
Each night, I had woken up before we had recited our vows. Something inside me wouldn’t let me get to that part. I took that as a sign. A sign for what, I wasn’t sure.
“She’s out back,” Claire said, solemnly. “I called you guys as soon as she went outside. She must have been wandering the neighborhood earlier because I couldn’t find her until a few minutes ago.”
“Claire, who’s here?” Elis’s head peeked out from the other side of the wall and she scowled. “Why are they here?”
“Because Alex needs to talk to them,” the brunette said pointedly, ignoring her friend’s glare. She turned back to Brian and me. “C’mon, I’ll show you around back.” Stepping outside, Claire shut the door softly, not wanting to wake anyone up. Motioning for us to follow, she walked around the side of the house and pointed to the backyard.
“Thanks,” I said, walking slowly towards the back of the house. I turned around to see if Brian was following and watched as he gave Claire a kiss on the cheek.
“Thank you,” he said. She smiled weakly and nodded.
“I just hope you guys can get through to her,” she said, sadly. “She doesn’t think she has the right to be happy.”
“We’ll try our best,” Brian said. Nodding, Claire smiled one last time before going back around the house. We listened until we heard the door shut behind her. Then, we made our way to the backyard. I looked around for a moment, unable to find her. Finally, I spotted her perched in a tree, her head on her arms, which were rested against the trunk. Her eyes were open, but she looked lost in thought.
“Lexi?” I heard Brian say, softly. She blinked once. Determined, Brian walked past me and up to the tree, where he stood face-to-face with Alex. “Baby, c’mon, talk to me.” He brushed a strand of hair out of her face and rested his hand on her cheek. Alex blinked in surprise when she realized that he was there, standing in front of her.
“Brian? What are you doing here?” she asked. She looked past him and spotted me. “When did you guys get here?”
“Only a few minutes ago,” I said, my tone soft as if I was talking to a baby. “We came here to see you.”
“Here,” Brian offered, holding out his arms, “come down and talk to us.” She stared at his arms, unsure of something. Brian seemed to know what she was thinking. “I won’t drop you. It’s safe. C’mon, it’s okay.” That seemed to be all the coaxing she needed, for she slowly brought her other leg around the tree trunk and slipped into my cousin’s outstretched arms. He slowly put her down on her feet and took her hand, walking her over to a picnic table. They sat down on the table. I followed and sat on her other side.
“C’mon,” I said, taking her other hand in mine, “tell us what’s wrong.”