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New Jersey Association for Spiritual, Ethical, and ReligiousValues in Counseling

Insights & Reflections
September 2000 --- Editor: Vince Poisella

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NJASERVIC is an affiliate of the New Jersey Counseling Association

To fully participate as a member of NJASERVIC, log on to NJASERVIC Home Page and find the e-mail discussion group. If you have something to add, contact judyharo@iamdigex.net. If you believe you have nothing to contribute to a dialogue, start by condensing your entire personal understanding of your spirituality into two words. Share your insight with us. If that doesn’t start us off, nothing will. --Editor


Please join us on Sunday, November 5, 2000, from 11:00 am to 3:00 pm, in Beachwood, NJ, for a meeting to share with each other the meaning of our spiritual journey. Call Dr. Andrea Campbell, 732-341-2799 by October 26, to confirm your attendance. Brunch will be served. CEUs will be available.


(In the last issue, I challenged our readers to respond with some expression of the belief system which infuses their lives. The following inspiration was e-mailed to me on July 11, by Philip E. Giordani, M.S. Feel free to respond to him directly -> Philip Giordani. If you want your response printed, E-Mail me a copy at vtpoisella@yahoo.com --Editor

My masters study program was in pastoral counseling which placed an emphasis on clinical treatment and spirituality integrating the body, mind, and spirit. Throughout my studies, one question was posed to me over and over; namely, “What is a pastoral counselor?” Today I would ask how do we integrate a person’s spirituality into the therapeutic process?

I believe that all religions form a means by which individuals express themselves and their belief system in a community bound by common goals and considerations. But in a therapeutic session, the individual, though very much guided by their belief system, is not in a communal forum or necessarily expressing their deep founded beliefs. Likewise, the belief system, fostered by religious guidelines, may very well be at the root of perceptions that have caused the person to seek counseling in the first place. So, how does a therapist integrate all of these factors?

I have found that outside a specific set of canons or rules, the basic quality of all human beings is the dignity of life. I try to respect my clients and their right to life, knowing in my own belief system that they are unique, loved into existence by a Creator God, and bonded to all creation as both a very significant and least significant part. In my own life, I must constantly reflect upon the issues of fullness of life and personal maturity. My vision of these concepts changes as I feel I become more enlightened and I feel it is imperative for me to have a concept of the potential a person can reach and a view of personal maturity. I may never speak abut these concepts to a client, but in reality I model these concepts for the client and in a gentle, non-pressure format encourage them to explore their own being and formulate their own concepts.

I often ask my clients, “Why should you be afforded dignity as a human being?” The usual answer rests with accomplishments or roles. I conclude by telling them that they are afforded this dignity by me because this morning they opened thier eyes and took a breath. They are alive, not dead, and this message seems to energize the people I work with into discovering a new element to their belief system which I believe is intrinsic in all human beings.

How you worship, how you pray, are behaviors. If they serve you well, keep them. If they do not serve you well, like other behaviors that are not working, then change is indicated.

As John Powell stated at a seminar, “When I love, God acts,” I believe as counselors and therapists that we are called to love, to allow to heal, to guide and companion on the journey, but never to move uninvited into the area of spirituality or try to conform the client to our own belief system.

(Phil: read Henri Nouwen’s Adam, a beautiful expression of the sentiments in your antipenultimate paragraph....)

(A Roman Catholic Marist Brother missionary in Liberia writes about the great faith he finds as he visits different parts of Africa. A recent homily he heard in pidgin English spoke of the rite of Communion and its connection to a life of goodness: “If you chop Jesus, then do Jesus!” I’ve never heard it uttered more succinctly!)


Guest Contribution

On November 9, 2000, the Mental Health Association in New Jersey is sponsoring a seminar by Dr. Stephen Gilligan entitled, “The Marriage of Soul and Spirit: A Self Relations Approach to Psychotherapy.” It will be held at the Ramada Inn and Conference Center in North Brunswick. You can receive further information about this seminar and the Mental Health Association in New Jersey by calling 973-744-2500 or visit NJMHA.org . Stephen Gilligan, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist practicing in Encinitas, CA. Originally a student of Milton Erickson and Gregory Bateson, Stephen has developed his own work of radical awakening in self-relations psychotherapy. He is the author of numerous books, including his most recent, “When Spirit Touches Soul: Explorations in Self-Relations Psychotherapy.” For more information about Dr. Gilligan, try StephenGilligan.com
--Jennifer Miller, LCSW
Director of Training
Mental Health Association in New Jersey

The Principle and Process of Sponsorship By Stephen Gilligan, Ph.D.

The legacy of Milton Erickson has been elaborated and deepened in many ways in the last 20 years. My own work has moved from a more mainstream Ericksonian emphasis to the development of a neo-Ericksonian approach I call self-relations psychotherapy. Like Erickson’s work, self-relations emphasizes the positive aspects of problems and symptoms. It sees such disturbances of the “normal order” as evidence that “something is waking up” in the life of a person or community. Such disturbances are double-edged crises. On the one side, they are (often hidden) opportunities for major growth. (Most of us can recall negative events - a death, divorce, illness, or addiction - that led to significant positive change in our lives.) On the other side, such disturbances can be very destructive - we can get lost in depression, acting out, or other problematic behaviors. Self-relations suggests that the difference is in whether a disturbance can be “sponsored” by a skillful human presence.

The principle and processes of sponsorship are the cornerstone of self-relations. The word “sponsorship” comes from the Latin “spons,” meaning, “ to pledge solemnly.” So sponsorship is a vow to help a person (including one’s self) to use each and every event and experience to awaken to the goodness and gifts of the self, the world, and the connections between the two. Self-relations suggests that experiences that come into a person’s life are not yet fully human; they have no human value until a person is able to “sponsor them.”

A good example of this can be found in the extraordinary life of Helen Keller. At 18 months Keller contracted a severe illness that left her without sight or hearing for the rest of her life. For the next six years she suffered in a dark and isolated world of intense sensations, anger, self-absorption, and frustration. Nobody could find a way to connect with her, and she couldn’t find a way to directly communicate with others. When she was seven, her sponsor - the social worker, Annie Sullivan - came into her life. As Keller wrote: “The most important day I remember in all my life is the one on which my teacher, Anne Mansfield Sullivan, came to me. I am filled with wonder when I consider the immeasurable contrasts between the two lives which it connects.”

Through her connection with Annie Sullivan, Keller reentered the world of the living and never looked back. She went on to distinguish herself as one of the most intelligent, inspirational, humanitarian persons of the century.

The distinction between what we might call the pre-sponsored Helen Keller and the post-sponsored Helen Keller can be found in each of us at many levels. It is easy to see in young children, who have no language or other sponsorship skills for their feeling states (such as being tired, hungry, lonely, or angry) and thus simply mindlessly act them out until a sensitive adult can recognize their meaning and attend to them. Hopefully, over time a child learns to recognize and “sponsor” their own feeling states, and thereby becomes a “re-spons-ible” person in the community. However, any experiences or behaviors that arise that are neglected, ignored, or cursed by the person or community remain in their pre-sponsored, “not quite ready for prime time” state. They repetitively assert themselves, looking for the human presence that will sponsor them and thereby allow their positive value to become apparent to self and community. But if each time they are rejected anew, they become increasingly troublesome and antagonistic to the person and the community.

This is when clients appear in therapy offices: an “out of control” experience or behavior is increasingly disturbing them. While the normal sentiment of anybody (including client and therapist) might be to use whatever means necessary to defeat, destroy, or otherwise “get rid of” the negative otherness (and thereby re-establish the old “normal” self), self-relations builds on the legacy of Erickson by examining how such experiences can be sponsored as the gifts (however “terrible”) of growth.

Thus, a “depression” might be the gift that signals that the client cannot continue with their false self that tries to achieve happiness by pleasing others or achieving at all costs. An addiction can allow a person to discover that there is an intelligence within them that is greater than their intellect. A marital failure might force a person to learn to speak their true feelings. An anxiety can help a person discover the strength of the indestructible “tender soft spot” at the core of their being.

To transform these seemingly negative experiences into their deeper positive values, sponsorship includes many processes. The “yin” (receptive) aspect of sponsorship involves receiving, allowing your heart to be opened, bearing witness, providing place or sanctuary, soothing, gently holding, being curious, deep listening, and beholding a presence with the eyes of kindness and understanding. The “yang” (active) aspect includes relentless commitment, fierce attentiveness, providing guidance, setting limits and boundaries, challenging self-limitations, and introducing the sponsored experience to other resources. Through a skillful combination of these and related sponsorship processes, an experience or behavior that seems to have no value to the self or community can be transformed from an “it” that should be destroyed to a “thou” that can be listened to, appreciated., and allowed to develop within self and community.

(Find out more on November 9! --Editor)

Links

New Jersey Counseling Association
NJASERVIC Home Page

Email: vtpoisella@yahoo.com
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