Ordinary Family

By Michael L. Barnes

This short parody story is dedicated to my stepmother Pam and is copyright © 2001 to me. In the past I have dedicated another story to her but… I felt that it wasn’t the right kind of story this is for you Pam so enjoy.

Johnny Quest and all related elements are copyrighted to Hanna Barbara and Warner bros Inc. The word vibroblade is taken from Punisher 2099 I think oo. All other inside jokes belong to the following Shows, Internet comics and Movies Johnny Quest, The Matrix, Sluggy Freelance, Max Steel (now a game also) Star Wars the Addams family and Terminator two.

This is the story of Christopher Danger and his family they are an average family… Or are they?

Part one

It was early morning in the Danger home. Christopher had just stepped out of his room wearing his regular set up. A black shirt, white sneakers, and blue jeans this was the set up for our young protagonist. Christopher walked into the living room and sat on the couch when a voice called out.

”Hey Cd! Why haven’t you gone to James house?” Enter Jasmine Blight Christopher’s second childhood rival. She felt she had to call him Cd because she felt it was her god given right to annoy Christopher oh and did I mention she’s his stepsister?

”Why should I bother he will just try to kill me again… Like he does everyday” Jasmine rolled her eyes as she stood in front of her older brother.

“And what of it? You know we have to give him his mail… If the Mail carrier was proficient and delivered it to the right houses all the time you would not have to deal with James”

Christopher thought for a moment “If only mom had not married a secret agent… Then I would not have to deal with Jasmine” Christopher smirked “Okay fine you win… Ill go get the mail… But if he even looks at me with a grin… I may have to defend myself”

Jasmine laughed “Yes the great Cd always a master of defense ha! If you stood up for yourself you wouldn’t have to deal with James. All you have to do is beat him up once and then poof he’s done for! Also you should be warned James got a rather large package yesterday… Well his father did but it was for James”

Christopher groaned, “Don’t tell me another death ray? Or better yet a gun so he can just shoot me and end our game?” Jasmine snickered

”No just some super computer components” Christopher ran his hand through his curly dark hair. “Got ya ill just go pick up our mail and then see to it that they don’t do anything crazy over there… You do remember what happened last year don’t you?”

”Yea I know they tried to take over the world for the third time… Luckily dad stepped in… Sigh dad is so cool…” Christopher thought “My father the secret agent… Though she is right he is cool…. Sigh”

Jasmine blinked at her brother as he smirked and dazed off into the distance. “GET GOING ALREADY!” Christopher snapped out of his daydream and stood and exited the house with his Neighbor’s mail.

Part two

Christopher sat in the living room of James parents house. James sat in a large leather seat behind a desk. The set up was unusual but not very different than a computer room. Only it was in the middle of the living room and when you first entered the house you had to watch out for the wire’s that snaked across the floor.

“Ah Cd my old rival from middle school… We meet again and in my own home none the less!” Christopher sighed and held out the mail in his left hand.

”Just take your mail give me mine and stop this spy stuff… I mean it’s our parents who are the spies!” James looked at Christopher like he just said there was no god.

”WHAT IS IT DANGER? Huh? You dress like Johnny Quest!” Christopher looked at his clothing and shrugged. “You even look like Hadji a little!” Christopher glanced at a mirror and smiled as his brown face took on a pleasant look. “And your stepsister looks like Jessie!”

“And your point is?” James pulled out a gun and a red dot appeared on Christopher’s forehead.

“It means game over my dear mister Danger!” Christopher leaned to the side as a bullet whizzed by his head and out the front window.

”Damn! Dad is going to kill me for not killing you!” Cd leaned up and stood. Standing in front of James he took the gun out of his hand and threw it on the floor.

“We are not secret agents… Granted my style is way more JQ’ed (Johnny Quested) than I would want but… The fact is our families are rivals. Not by choice you know I don’t know why my dad moved us here knowing you Jin’s lived across the street! If you want to take me out… We fight outside… I am so tired of walking past your house on the way to school and dodging bullets from your sub machine gun. Then…”

Christopher grabs a ninja star thrown at his face and continues speaking “you have the habit of always trying to kill me at school!” James drank from a can of Coke the supposedly evil soft drink.

”You done Cd? Cause im in the mood to try out my new Faketrix belt!” Christopher blinks.

”Don’t you mean Ma—“ James shushes Christopher

“Shut up! You don’t want to be sued!” Christopher cocks his head and then nods after shrugging. “Good now lets go outside!” James grabs a belt that’s hanging on the coat rack behind the front door.

Christopher lifts up his shirtsleeve and smirks looking at a funky device on his arm before going outside. Once the two are outside they spot the whole neighborhood watching them. Some even have sighs that read Cd 3:16.

”Okay Danger we do this and we do this now!” James activates his belt and the whole scene seems to rotate as he leaps into the air in a kick at Christopher’s head. Christopher smirks and pulls up his sleeve while ducking to the side then rolling forward.

“Going hot!” Jasmines voice blares in Christopher’s hidden earpiece. “Shut the heck up! You know we can get sued!” Cd taps the button marked rip-off of Max Steel and soon blue energy swirls over his body.

James is still in the air floating slowly toward where Christopher was. “Damn it! I should have upgraded to a Pentium three chip based system and not this fifty megahertz Amiga system! Even though it looked really awesome in action during the simulation…”

Christopher grabs James still outstretched leg “You should have ripped off a more cool extreme show!” Christopher slams his friend into the side of his house knocking him out of Faketrix mode.

”Owww my back!” James stands and smirks “Oh but I did rip off an extreme show!” Everyone gasps,

”You don’t mean… Traction Man!” James smiles his eyes closed he smirks while talking

”That’s right my friend I…” Christopher slams his fist into James nose and the screams

”Why did you do that while I was talking! There is like some unspoken rule in anime where you don’t hit someone while they are talking with their eyes closed!”

Cd shrugs “Um Goku slugged the crud out of that wanna be orange skinned rocker on the Fagu err Ginyu force!” James growls

”His eyes were open when he did it!” Christopher kicks James in the forehead with a flying kick.

”Didn’t catch that what were you saying?” James leaps fifteen feet up to the roof of his house in a back flip. “I said he did it with… What the hell are you doing man!?”

”Nothing just powering up!” Christopher cups his hands behind him “My supper shiny flashy blast thingy will finish you for good!”

With the blue energy field swirling around Christopher he looks like he really is powering up. James knowing how to block the blast crosses his arms in front of him.

”Yaaaaaa” Christopher screams as he reaches behind him and pulls out a small handgun and shoots James in the shoulder. “OWWWWW Damn you! Why did you do that?”

Christopher shrugs “Let me check my notes” Christopher pulls out a small notepad and flips a few pages. “Ahh…”

”Well?” James asks while blinking

”Just did” Christopher shoots at James as he leans back avoiding the bullets flying at him until one hits him in his crotch.

”OWWWWW My god man put away the gun! I surrender! I swear I will stop trying to kill you!” Cd looks the screaming neighborhood girls and smiles as some start to chant “We love you Christopher were in bliss now it’s time to finish your diss! Goooo CHRISTOPHER!”

James groans as he pulls out his cup that has a metal slug sticking out of it. “Your lucky I wear a Kevlar cup!” Christopher turns back to his foe and spreads his arms as his eyes turn white and spark.

Floating up in front of James he lands on the roof and smiles “Do you know what happens to a virgin who’s hit by lightning?” James smirks and slides one of his arms behind him.

”No I don’t but do you know what happens to someone whose eyes are sparking when hit with water?” James shoots Christopher in the eyes with a small water pistol and he falls back off the roof and lands in the driveway holding his smoking eyes.

”That does and I must say ouch” James leaps off the roof and lands feet first on Cd’s chest. A loud crack is heard and Christopher coughs up some water. “Huh? Where’s the blood?”

Christopher moans out “This story is for the writers stepmother! Bad enough she wont catch most of the cultural and sub culture references like his father will but hell it’s like that ugh…” James blinks

”If its for his step mother why the lewd language?” Christopher punches James in the stomach then rolls on his hands and knees coughing up more water as James stands holding his stomach.

”Because sometimes a bad word conveys more emotion than just some dragged out sentence!” James pulls out a light saber. “Yea well let’s end this! As you know there can be only one Sit lord!”

“Shouldn’t that be Sith” Jasmines voice blares into Christopher’s earpiece and he clutches his head dropping his light saber he pulled out of thin air.

“Shut up! You really want us to get sued don’t ya? The writer already mentioned those HB and WB people! We do not want to mention that Lucas dude also! Now pick up your vibroblade and slash him up!”

Christopher blinks and ducks a slash from James “It’s a light saber sis and stop screaming in my ear!” Christopher finds his light saber in his hand suddenly and he swings it up to pierce James’s heart.

James staggers back and pulls his hand away from the wound and sees “Lime soda? Aren’t you pushing this censorship thing too far….” James falls forward and coughs up some lime soda and dies.

Christopher drops out of his hyper overly flashy turbo mode and the blue aura fades from his body. “Well all’s well that ends well” James leaps up screaming and suddenly Jasmine appears and tosses her bro a submachine gun while she points a gattling gun and the two siblings tear into James bloody body with bullet after bullet.

James slams into the garage door and looks at them after looking at his bullet-riddled body “Good shot my man…” And then dies as Christopher and Jasmine let out there held breath when suddenly James hops up.

”HOLY CRAP! His Faketrix belt makes him immortal! Like a computer virus thing from that really awesome movie!” Christopher looks at his sister

”Yah well its time I finish him off once and for all!”

James laughs as his wounds heal. “Give it up Danger! I am immortal and soon this world will belong to me! Hey why is there a missile heading my way?”

Christopher and Jasmine leap out of the way as the missile hits and James explodes into pieces.

”Hey kids! What did I tell you about getting into fights with the villains kids!” Cd and Jasmine blink and gape in awe at their father as he seemingly flips from out of no where

”Dad I didn’t mean to fight James but he… HES GETTING UP AGAIN!” Christopher grabs his sister as James body flows back together and he waves a finger at the family in a no no way.

James walks towards Christopher “Danger it looks like you’re in danger!” James father suddenly shows up stepping out of a black limo with his wife. Both are dressed in black.

”Ah the Danger family… I see your playing with my son… Well I would invite you in to die.. Err have some cookies and milk but my son is in big trouble!”

James groans “FOR WHAT?”

”For missing Christopher with you’re first shot now off with you while I beat up err meet with Christopher’s father”

Epilogue

James and Jasmine sit in front of a fire “So they don’t know about us eh? Or the fact that you gave me the Faketrix belt?” Jasmine smiles

“No they don’t I didn’t want you to die so I made it for you… More poisoned wine?” James smirks

“No my lithe death blossom for now is the time for dancing! Igor play the number two Braddams dance song!”

“Arghhhhhhh”

”No I said number two!” James stands with Jasmine and begins to dance as Igor starts to play. “Play with more feeling!”

”Arughhhhhhhhhh” Igor moans

”Fine then no dinner for another week!” Igor plays with more feeling and the scene fades to Christopher’s room where he is working out.

Christopher is doing chin-ups as he is doing this the camera shows his fingers which each have the words. Die James tattooed on them.

Downstairs in the living room

”Hmm DAMN YOU! You always win at Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Danger!”

”Yea and your such an idiot Jin want to play again?”

”Nah the wife will kill me if I stay over here anymore see ya… Thanks for the antidote to that poison you gave me”

”Least I could do for my kid kicking your son’s ass”

James’s father pulls out a light saber “Want to make something out of it Danger?”

Christopher’s dad pulls out a gun and points it at James’s fathers head “Always”

As the scene fades out there is a light saber swipe flash as a gun is seen firing.

”Owwww son of a”

”OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED Palmena!”

”What? You call your hand Palmena? What the hell is up with that?”

”Well when the wife is away Jin there’s just Palmena and me… Now she’s dead… And you killed her!”

There is a long beat with a cough from Jin

”Yea um I totally understand… Everyone does it”

”Does what just what are you implying!?”

”Nothing just that you cough beat off cough cough”

“That’s it! Billy is going to have to shoot you now!”

”Your gay too?”

Christopher’s father screams and a loud gunshot is heard.

And so ends our story of the semi silent protagonist Christopher and his not so ordinary family

Well I hope you laughed at the inside jokes I had fun doing this story and now I am off to continue working on SBM Another story project brought to you by M. Charger productions

Our motto
Im getting there yea im almost done… No just leave me the hell alone!