Nowhere fast...


09-28-03 7:04pm

~Will I ever get to where I'm going? If I do, will I know if I am there? If the wind blew me in the right direction, would I even care? I would.~

So maybe I jumped the gun last night when I said Jeff seemed like he didn't give 2 shits about anything. He called me last night. I was sitting in the chair in the living room reading my spankin' new copy of Wuthering Heights...mom was watching Jerry McGuire. The phone rings. I've got a pretty lame phone but it has this "special feature" where you can not only program numbers into the phonebook but you can apply certain rings to each number. Well, I've used and abused that privilage. Just about every number I have stored in my phone has a particular ring. And there's another ring for numbers not stored or numbers that I haven't given a ring. It's the tango...hahaha. Well, the tango beeps through the room so I had no idea who was calling. I checked the caller id and my mouth dropped. Of course I had my mothers attention by then. Yes, I've told her the entire story about Mr. D.O.C. I think she was more excited than I was because she muted the television and threw her hands over her mouth in shock. This part of the story may not be necessary, but I thought it was funny. So I answered it...and he's like, "hey! what's up?" For some reason, I was totally floored by the fact that he called me. If he was going to call at all, I thought it would at least take several days. I didn't think he would ever talk to me again unless we accidentally ran into each other on a smoke break. My mom was flipping out across the room, so I could barely contain myself enough to carry on a conversation. He asked what I was up to. I told him I was reading. (I find this to be quite entertaining) He's like, "Reading?! What, are you a college student or something?" HA! So I said, "no". And he's like, "well, don't get me wrong. I enjoy reading too. But I can't imagine that you'd be sitting at home reading on a Saturday night." What does this guy think I am? Some party chick? Some popular chick who gets phone calls every five seconds? I said, "c'mon, it's Wuthering Heights. Classic English Literature." *sigh* I'm such a dork. But he asked me, "well what are you doing later?" Can you be a bookworm and actually be attractive at the same time? Not in my stereotype dictionary but I guess I can throw that out the fucking window. I said, "not shit". So he told me that he was planning on going out and spending some quality time with his brother. Bar hopping...but if I'd be up later, he'd call me when they were finished. So as I'm prone to do, I made myself available by saying, "ya, this book is pretty good. I haven't put it down since I bought it this afternoon so I'll probably be up reading late." He's like, "great, well then I'll call you later and give you an update." As soon as I put the phone down, mom says, "you're a mutha fuckin' P-I-M-P!" I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time.

~I need a map of your head translated into english so I can learn to not make you frown...~

Knowing that the book would eventually put me to sleep and that he'd probably be out until the bars shut down, I decided to take a shower and wake myself up. 2 hours later, showered, groomed, and all that jazz, I called over to Laurie's. Nicole answered the phone. I guess I wasn't the only one on the brink of hitting the pillow. They were both about to pass out. This was around 11pm. I told them to stay up because I was on my way over. Someone had to keep my ass awake. Well, to make a long story short, we ended up going out to the bar ourselves. Played some pool. Ran into Kellie. So I had a long catch up conversation with her. She wants to throw me a birthday party at her boyfriends house sometime next month. Sounds good to me. I'm in need of one of our old get togethers. By the time Jeff finally called me back, the bars had closed, we'd gone to Arby's for an Arbymelt and were already back at the house. It was like 3 o'clock in the morning. He said he was too tired and decided to just crash. I was pretty tired myself so I came home.

~This is nothing new. no no just another phase of finding what I really need...~

So I didn't think much of it. Steve thought it was fucking hilarious that I got bailed on AGAIN! What is it with me and guys? TJ used to do this shit to me. For the month that I was his supposed girlfriend. Tim JUST did the same damn thing. I make plans and get my fucking hopes up. Because I'm a moron and I have too much faith in thinking that someday I'll find a guy who is all about me and treats me really good.

~You do not need me...~

9:05pm

So as I was just sitting here updating about Jeff, headphones on blasting Incubus into my ears...Staring into the pixels on this lovely screen, I didn't even notice that my cell phone rang until the voicemail message popped up and it started to beep. Voicemail??? I didn't even hear the fucker ring and it's sitting right in front of me. So I checked it and guess who! Jeff. I called him back to see what he wanted and explained my lack of attention when he'd called before. He invited me over AGAIN! After he finishes doing something with his brother...of course. WTF?! That was an hour and a half ago. And here I am typing away. No calls...except Laurie. So as soon as I finish up with this I think I'm going to go over there for awhile. If he freakin' calls before 2am. I'll probably have more to type about soon. I'm going to post this now but it will most probably be updated again this evening. I slept all day on the couch so I doubt I'll be getting much sleep tonight. (wink wink) hahaha. Ya right. I can predict what will happen now. He won't call until much later and he'll claim he was SOOOO busy he forgot. And it will be too late to hang out. Aw...yup. I'm going to Laurie's.

~it only gets better....~

09-29-03 4:39am

I just got home a little bit ago. Hung out at Laurie's for a bit. She was asleep on the couch. But I had some nice convo with Nicole. Quite enlightening in fact. It's good to have friends that are capable of deep, intelligent conversation. Yes, I'll get it out now. I hung out with Jeff. We met up at Harry's and then watched Signs at his place. Met a couple of his friends and his brother. Seemed like decent people. After the movie and after everyone scattered...I don't know what he's told them but I'm sure they assumed that their buddy wanted some "alone time" with the new random chick. It was a good time. We talked. About time for that one. Considering the fact that the last chance we had, I couldn't get a word in for Nicole's inquiries. I swear, you get her started and she becomes Mrs. talky talk talk. Anyhow, I'm finding myself more and more interested by this guy. There's not much else to say. No dirty deeds have been done. HA! Me, dirty deeds...psht. right. Not that I'd devulge the details here. But I'm definately interested. I honestly don't know what else to say. He's got two extremely adorable dogs. I dig his style, he's been refreshing to talk to...like I said before, it's rare to find those types of people anymore. He's laid back...doesn't seem to have any serious vices. He has a good head on his shoulders. Very sincere and strong about his opinions. I'm impressed. But I'm definately playing it safe this time though. I guess that's not the right way to word it. I don't want to get my hopes up. And I really don't want to jump to any conclusions like I usually do. If anything, I've already learned something from this guy. So I've decided that rather than cutting guys off completely, I'm just going to take a step back and forget about everything that's happened in the past. Open my eyes to what I've learned rather than regretting the mistakes that were made. It's time that I let it go. This is someone who's completely different and new. So instead of making judgements and expecting things, I'm just gonna let whatever happens happen. It's a fucking revalation! For fucks sake, it's late and I'm just babbling. I need a new hobby. Dammit I have to get up in 5 hours. I'm not going to get much sleep tonight. *sigh* damn me and my stupidity.

~She knew that her life had passed her by. And she called out a warning. Don't ever let life pass you by.~
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