09-01-00 Friday

“Laura told me to beat your ass, and I have half a mind to do so!!!”
-Nicole yelling at Tyler for burping in her dogs face

~I promise not to lie if I’m looking you straight in the eye.~

So I spent the day finishing up my most recent project…Kir’s special package. She asked if I would purchase some cds and send them to her. Along with the package…and a burnt copy of Dude Ranch. The cds she asked for were cds that I’d been eyeing for months…(ok…maybe -a- month) So I also purchased some blank cds and burned copies of those for myself. So the package is unofficially ready. I just need to put it all in a box, and send it UPS. I’m happy. I’m proud. Yes.

~Here’s to the night we felt alive, here’s to the tears you knew you’d cry, here’s to goodbye, tomorrow’s gonna come too soon.~

I was thinking about calling James yesterday while Nicole and I were at the gym, and when I got home, I found that he’d called me. I wanted to talk to him…but he had to leave for work. He suggested me tagging along with him. But I was eating…and I just didn’t feel right following him around while he’s trying to work. Anyhow, he said he’d call later that night. And around 10pm, I started writing in The Chronicles (my paper journal) I think this sums it up.

I wanted to talk to him, but he was in a hurry…and he invited me along, but I bailed, and now that I think about it, I should have gone. I told him to call me, but he hasn’t. and I doubt he will because he has school in the morning.

To my surprise, he called a little after 11pm, and we were on the phone until 1am. The boy had school the next day…and he was on the phone for eons. I felt bad about that. It was nice though. Because I got to tell him about…everything. And he got to spill his problems to me. I told him about the blind date that Kristy is supposed to hook me up with. And he got all…big brother on me. I described this Kenny guy to him, and he said that I shouldn’t go out with him. Because I’m too good for him. Something to that effect. It was really sweet. But I’m going on the date. Mainly to prove a point. That I’m not like Andrew. That was the issue. That I will give people a chance, even if I don’t think they’re my type. Because I could be absolutely wrong. I’m not going to make judgements before I even meet the poor guy. Everyone deserves a chance. So I’m proving a point. Why do I do things like that? Why do I feel the need to justify myself? Oh well. I’ll go. And figure things out later. James also said something about…if he doesn’t like this guy, then I’m not going to date him. It’s good that he looks after me like that. It makes me feel a little more safe. Not that I need a personal body guard. But he’ll correct me when I tell myself that I’m dating someone because I like them, when actually I’m only going out with them because it’s convenient.

~In your eyes I see a darkness that torments you and in your head where it dwells. I’d give you my hand if you’d reach out and grab it. Let’s walk away from this hell.~

I’m really glad I made those copies. Very glad. Plus I got a double cd collection of worship songs. Happy happy joy joy!!! So he’s short??? I don’t understand the significance of that. But it was funny. (I think that was the point) He’s short, and he’s unattainable. So I’m over it. I found out that I have good reason to be messed up in the head. Just thought you’d like to know. I grew up in a seriously codependent environment, so I have tendencies. Only my mother has always told me I’m too independent. Maybe that’s just how others perceive me. I’m still stressed about my lack of a job. Not that any of this has anything to do with anything. But it’s what I’m thinking about. At least I’m not thinking about Keanu Reeves anymore. Ok now I am. Moving on…it’s getting late. I’ve done nothing related to “normal recently graduated teenage Friday night activities”. What SHOULD I be doing? Should I be dating??? Or just hanging out with friends??? (if I had more than 3 or 4 here) and if they weren’t busy…bitter?!?! Nah. Just bored. I almost think the two are related somehow. I need a new hobby. Or maybe I need some inspiration to write new poetry. I’ve been pretty dry when it comes to verse.

~Is patience still waiting? Will I wait on my knees?~

So I’m going to find something else to do. Hopefully…

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~Pardon me while I burst into flames~

Email: holyrevelry@hotmail.com