Boys like you are a dime a dozen.


09-19-03 3:10pm


~She said don't....don't let it go to your head. Boys like you are a dime a dozen. Boys like you are a dime a dozen. She said you're a touch over rated. You're a lush and I hate it...~

It's good to see that someone's reading the journal again. I promise I won't ask who this time. It's surprising though. Vouyeristic tendencies shock me. Especially when it comes to my page. I often ask myself, "Who's really interested in what I'm doing?". I've thought a lot about shutting the whole damn thing down. But it's an outlet. I suppose I get a bit of a kick out of the thought that people read about my life as if it's important. Feed my ego please. (mmm, sarcasm) Anyhow, on to the topic of the day. It fits in with what I just mentioned. People sticking their nose into my personal life. Sure, I paste it on the internet. That's okay though. I wouldn't put anything up here that I didn't want someone to read. Point...last night, my aunt IM'd me. She tells me that there's "someone who wants to see me again". Obviously this sparked some curiosity. So I asked who. Now I don't know if she's just trying to hook me up with this guy or what. But she claims that this guy named Elliot (whom I've NEVER spoken to) has a crush on me. He used to stop in at Journey's and talk to DJ. But I was dating Tim then. She said he thought I was engaged. Technically I wasn't. But I wasn't dating anyone else at the time either. So now that I'm back in town, she told him what was up and he wants to meet me. Here's the catch. I told her to tell him to stop down at Wet Seal. She said he wouldn't. He's shy. So I said, "well, I'm not hanging out in the furniture store that he works at either. If he likes me, he can do the dirty work and come to me." I mean, grow up. Personally, I have no interest in this guy. The first time she told me about him (like a year ago) She said he was suicidal before he started coming to her church. NICE. Ya that's really attractive. So she told me that the only way I could meet him is if I come to church with her. HA! I'm sure this is just her sneaky ploy to get me to come to church. I'm not interested in suicidal weirdos and I'm even less interested in hanging out at church on youth nights just to meet a suicidal weirdo. I thought I broke her of this nasty habit. I thought wrong. Seriously, find something constructive to do. I can pick my own boyfriends thanks.

~I'm so tired of my mood...~

Speaking of picking my own boyfriends...I've decided to take myself off of the market. Unless someone super special comes along...and we all know that won't happen...I am officially single. Not permanently...but at least for awhile. This decision was made because I am too confused. I can't figure out whether or not I want to move back to CT. Obviously I can't do that immediately but I want to keep the option open. And since my last relationship, I'm still really messed up. I don't even know if I believe love is a possibility for me anymore. It scares me. Guys scare me. After Tim, I just don't feel comfortable around guys like I used to. I get nervous, extremely self concious...it's horrible. I fidgit and shake. ugh...So I bought this really cheesy ring today. It's a massive fake rock that I'm currently wearing on my left ring finger. So I'm being a little extreme about it. But I need a crutch. Just for a little while.

~~

So for the past 7 months, I've been single and searching for someone new. But there's been a drought. No decent available men whatsoever. Now that I choose to remain single, all these guys fly out of the woodwork. Chris, Elliot...who's next? I'm waiting for Dan to call. Hahaha. I don't think he was interested though. I don't know if I'd date him anyhow. I mean, ya I had a huge crush on him. Key word is HAD. That was high school. I don't dig his type anymore. He's too...pretty boy for me. I'd have to do an overhaul on the image. And we all know that you can't change people. I could work some magic. Pierce his ears, get rid of the brand logo t-shirts, the doc's...no. It just wouldn't be right. hahaha. Chris...he'd have to lose some serious weight. Stop talking like he's from the south. Nope. No thanks. I haven't seen this Elliot kid in quite awhile so I can't say anything about his personal style. Don't get me wrong here, I'm talking strictly on a superficial level right now. Personality is something I definately can't change. Sometimes I think the clothes speak for themselves though. You can probably guess what types of guys these are. It's pretty obvious. I don't even know why I'm talking about this. I guess my head hasn't adjusted to the single idea yet.

~You've got your ball you've got your chain. Tied to me tight. Tie me up again.~

I think I'm going to take a trip to the shower. Feelin' a little yucky. I may just go out tonight. Let's see if I can talk someone into hanging out with my stupid ass.

~Lost for you. I'm so lost for you. Oh and you come crash into me.~

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