09-18-00 Monday


~Lady picture show, she hides behind the bedroom wall~

Yes, I officially have a job. I'm officially working at Gadzooks. And I officially start Friday. About time...you think? I went in and filled out paperwork today. I love Kim. She's the best. I also made brownies today. So if you want one James...you better get here quick. They'll prolly be gone before the night is over. I was going to run over to the college to check and see if they posted the class information yet. But I left the mall, and figured..."eh, classes don't start until Wednesday. I'll check tomorrow." I procrastinate. But that will end...soon. I have school starting Wednesday, See you at the pole is that morning. Allies is that night. Then I start work Friday. *sigh* I'm not ready!!!

~I am, I am, I said I'm not myself, but I'm not dead and I'm not for sale. Hold me closer, closer let me go. Let me be just let me be.~

So now that you all know my schedule for the week...I'll continue. Nicole and I went shopping yesterday. She went shopping. I tagged along. (Laura = no $$$) That's when I got the news from Kim. We'd stopped in Gadzooks to check the sales. Before we walked in, I crossed my fingers and said, "please don't let Ben be working. PLEASE!" We walk in...and he's right there. This is what was running through my head, "don't look at him. don't look. keep going...don't trip. keep going..." and he looks over...and says, "Hey! What's up?" or something like that. (the usual greeting when customers walk into the store.) But I was in the zone. I kept walking. Said hi...but didn't look. It was awful. I'm such a loser. But Kim asked me to work there. That's a bonus. And I saw the perfect shirt for James. Which made me wish I had money. A Timmy shirt for Jimmy. But I'm broke. And I shouldn't buy it for him. His girlfriend should. Heck...she might have already. Who knows...That girl really rubs me the wrong way. Anyhow...I'm going to stop for now. I have to meet Nicole in a half an hour. We're going to the gym. (to get measured...and I prolly gained 50 thousand pounds this week. ARG) I'll finish later.

~It's all we have~

I was wrong. I didn't really gain any weight. I lost 5 inches. In stupid places though. I've been so stressed out about my image lately. It's only making it worse. Stupid stupid stupid. Man, everyone decided to get on-line right now. The thing keeps knocking at me. So anyhow, what was I talking about? I have a job...Ben...ok. no. I'm not gonna start in with that again. So I'm done then.

~Here's a thought if you're willing ot listen~

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