09-12-00 Tuesday


Ahhhh...it's been awhile. So I'll start with Friday night. (I'm sorry Goo) We went to the football game. Nicole and I. Expecting both James and Alanna to show up. I had called Alanna's house. But she wasn't back from BG yet. So I figured...she knew where I'd be. James showed up later...with Goo, Will, and Cory. The night was absolutely splendid. No complications. We just chilled like always. I ran into Dan and his cousin Rob. He was...rude. Like always...but later in the evening, I was talking to Jim Croy, and I turn to see Dan. He motions me over...I don't know why but I just walked right to him, and he was like, "Do you have a piece of paper...and a pen?" I didn't,(I don't know what I was thinking he wanted it for...knowing Dan...I probably thought he wanted to get some other girls number.) so I asked Nicole, she didn't, then Rob handed me a pen...so I grabbed a napkin. And Dan rattles off this number and says, "that's my number at school." And I was like, "why don't you call me?" then he says, "I would. But I'd have to call collect. Just call if you ever want to party sometime." And I said, "you know I don't party." then he was like, "college changes people." and he walked away. I just don't understand this boy at all. He is confusion personified. So what do I do? I definitely won't be calling him to party. bleh. I don't know if it was a friendly gesture...or what. Grrr. I hate stupid stuff like that. Cause now I don't know what I should say when I talk to him. "so...Dan...when do you want to get together?" dumb. And anyways...Dan Dan the mini-van man...is a total tool. SO not money. Moving on

~Don't push love away, you know you do~

I talked to Senorita…(that would be my former spanish teacher) and I had to explain the whole complication with editing the big movie we did at the end of the year. Basically it never got done…we have all the footage. But no way to edit it. Because the program that Tyler had, kept giving us a bunch of crap…and so he told Mille to pirate some $800 program off the net…but Mille claims he couldn’t find it…so it just never got finished. I figure I can do a rough edit. No music…no effects…and it’ll suck really bad. But it’s about all I can do. My computer isn’t set up for that sort of thing. And if it was…I’m not an expert of edit. So it would probably still suck. So I might just talk to Tyler about using the equipment at his school...if he has the time. If not...it's straight up suckdom.

~In your eyes I see a darkness that torments you and in your head where it dwells. I'd give you my hand if you'd reach out and grab it. Let's walk away fom this hell~

I should not watch scary movies late at night. The other night when I was on the phone with James, he clicked over…and called in to the local radio station…and by some freak accident…won VIP tickets to the midnight showing of The Watcher Friday night. 4 tickets…so He, Goo, Cory, and I went to see this movie. I went mainly because Keanu Reeves is in it. And he’s…absolutely beautiful. (I’ve seen the commercials on tv…and it made me mad because he’s playing a killer. That’s just wrong. He’s a lover not a fighter.) Anyhow, so we go see this movie, and it’s really good. I liked it. There was this whole photography theme going on…like in the middle of things they’d stop…and it looked like they were taking a picture…I thought that was awesome. I wasn’t so happy with Keanu being a killer…and not only a killer…but a dancing, psychotic, killer. The dancing was hilarious. The little devil horn pose was my favorite. It got me chuckling a bit. Unfortunately, he made a good killer. I didn’t like that he was…but it was wonderful acting. But I was sitting there at my laptop…jumping every time I heard a noise. I think the cat knocked something over in the other room. I got up and went roaming around the house with a pair of extremely dull scissors. Then I sat them down next to me for easy access...I think it was more the part AFTER the movie when James and Goo and I stopped at a little playground which is on the edge of some foggy forest type thing. They were TRYING to scare me. And once I got home, they threatened to come back and tap on my windows. I waited...but no show. Back to the movie. Not very much blood. Nothing sexual really...unless you’re James, Goo and Cory…then the whole thing between the FBI agent and Keanu is ambiguously gay. But that would make me question why during the ONLY sexual thing in the movie…Keanu kisses the girl he’s about to kill over the duct tape on her mouth. Which was a little demented. But she’s female. And what’s up with this big rumor that Keanu is gay??? I don’t know…but I still think he’s hot. Even though he’s 35...right so the movie was good. And it was…kind of scary. Not jumpy or screaming scary. But spooky. It makes me want to walk around the house and lock everything...definitely a good movie.

~Is patience still waiting?~

hmmm. Saturday...I don't remember. Oh...Chris called at like 11:30pm, and invited himself over. I barely had time to put clothes on...(it was pj time already) I wamted to call James...but then there was a rapping on the door...and time was up. He stayed here until 3:30am. What was I supposed to do? He was all over me the whole time. But I didn't let it get "bad". No making out. No kissing at all. But....ugh! I wanted to say, "don't you understand, I dumped you 3 and a half years ago. Get over it. Go stalk someone else." Seriously. But it was like pulling teeth to get him to go home. Then he called Monday night. I was watching tv...didn't hear a word he said. His friend Chad takes the phone or picks up the other one...and starts asking me questions like, "do you like Chris?" and I didn't answer. Finally I think he realized I wasn't listening. and said, "well, since Chad is here...I'll call later." and he's like "ok?" and I'm like, "ya sure." and he said bye...then I hung up the phone. I didn't even say goodbye. That's how annoyed I was. He pisses me off so bad. James...get Goo and Andrew, and beat him up please. (I'm kidding) just scare him real good.

~You never said goodbye you die. You chose to carry on a lie. And something isn't right here.~

I spent Saturday, Sunday, and Monday watching movies. I rented 3 on Saturday, and 3 more Sunday. The Beach (not so good) Here On Earth (made me cry) Superstar (funny but stupid) Dogma (hilarious...I loved it) Great Expectations (it was good...different) and Point Break (wonderful surfing/cop movie. Keanu makes a great surfer...I mean undercover cop. He's so lovely) I watched ALL of those movies. And I'm spent. No...I could watch more. I could watch movies all day every day. It's stimulating. About the only stimulating thing in my life anymore. Blah. I haven't heard from James since Friday night...The only people I've seen and talked to is Chris (gag me please) and Nicole...we've been working out. That's it. Tomorrow is youth group though. So maybe That will help a little. Good to hear that Kir really liked her package. That makes me feel especially proud. I still want to visit though. Speaking of school...I start next week Wednesday. BAH! It's so close...and I'm wishing I'd been out doing things. Oh well. Plenty of time for that later. I suppose...maybe not. (shakes head) Poo. Anyhow...I think that's about it. Oh, and Goo, You're welcome. Later Ya'll.

~Did you really think that it was over, When you hung up the phone and said goodnight? And did you ever think that it'd be too much? I can't leave without saying goodbye. So did you ever think that you could take it? Could you make it alone tonight? I never could have hoped for anything more. Be my angel if you can alright.~

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