I hate containers...


09-04-03 1:41am

~I keep goin' right back to the one thing that I need to walk away from.~

-Tuesday-
Yes, I did end up going to see Brad's set at the coffee house. I went over to the apartment to pick up Andrew. On the walk up to their door, some random woman says hello to me. I'm polite (under most circumstances) so I said hi. Then she proceeds to inform me that she doesn't like containers. Come again...she definately caught me off guard on that one. So I walked a little bit faster. She said something as I was walking away. It sounded like, "My X of 14 years made me hate containers." What?!?! I think I found the breeding ground for all the fucking wack jobs in Ohio. TJ and Andrew's apartment complex. It would explain a lot. So I popped in and told all present my most f'd up experience of the day. Bit of a surprise...when I walked in, not only was Andrew there, Steve was also visiting. Just for the record, this would not be the typical Steve that I've talked about here recently. Not Andrew's brother/Laurie's boyfriend of over 6 years. No. This would be a Steve of the past. A Steve that I met over 2 years ago through the infamous Kyle. They were friends and we all hung out on a few occasions. So we shot the shit. He was a good boy. Never mentioned Kyle once. Can I get a Amen! Can I get a what what! Needless to say, with this, I was pleased. So as I said above, I have this problem with being polite. I invited Steve to come along for the trip to Bluffton. Figuring it would be entertaining. I don't know what it may have looked like but he said something like, "oh, no. I wouldn't want to intrude". And looks at Andrew and I like this was some sort of one on one evening alone. In all honesty, I had invited several people. Andrew was the only willing prey. Once we got past that idea, the three of us went to the show.

~It's impossible to make it easy if you're always tryin' to make it so damn hard.~

Bluffton...oh Bluffton. We walked up toward the front of this "coffee house" which happened to be a large window. So I checked things out before waltzing in. First of all, everyone inside looked as though they just stepped off the pages of an American Eagle catalog. That made me a little sick to my stomach but I saw Brad setting up his equipment and then focused on a couple of crazy perverts from my past. Two gentlemen I hadn't laid eyes on in over a year. It was a Chris and Brad Posse reunion. Sterns and Sherrick waved at me through the glass. So I waved back in all of my shock and burst into the establishment. First thing Sterns says, "What's up! How's uh, what was it..." Connecticut? So I informed him that I'd moved back. "OH...oh...so what happened?" Well let's see, sometimes things just don't work out the way you expected. He laughed. "True. So what have you been up to?" More shit shooting. Ya. It was nice to see those guys. I don't understand how sometimes, you run into someone from your past and it's absolutely awkward. And then sometimes, you just revert back to exactly how you acted when you knew them. I put my arms around them and made a stupid comment about how I was in need of a posse party. Sherrick sucker punched me just like he used to and I beat right back with my old playful, flirty, silliness. *sigh* Oh, the good ol' days. HA!

~I'm the only one that can rescue me from me.~

So I was talking about how much Brad resembles Jason Mraz in the last post...the first song he played was You and I Both. Decent cover if I do say so myself. Then he even commented on how people tell him that he looks like Mraz all the time. It's really unfortunate that I didn't continue to hang out with those guys. You can go your seperate ways, you think you've changed so much, then run into each other after all of this time has passed just to discover you're all into the same shit. It boggles me. Until Tuesday, I could have sworn that I was the only person I knew who enjoyed this stuff. So Brad did a great job. Really. I was blown away by all of this coincidental craziness and still moved by the content of his set. I took a quick smoke break with Andrew half way through. Tried to explain how strange the whole thing was to me. I suppose you would have to have known me then. Or taken part in what happened. He didn't seem to see it as such an absurdity. Then again, here I am, the queen of over analyzation. After Brad's capital performance, I chatted with Chris and Chris a bit more. Big hugs for everyone. Gave Brad a big unexpected hug and a thumbs up. I honestly tried to leave with just a simple ghetto shake and a pat on the back. But he threw his arms around me like we were the best of buddies. If I didn't remember the sting of that stupid crush...if his fiance hadn't been standing less than 2 feet away, it wouldn't have been so uncomfortably odd. I tend to shy away from the stares like daggers that women throw whenever another female is in close proximity to their territory. I've been on both sides of that fence...and I don't like either one. Anyhow, I happily toted myself and my company back to our blissfully ignorant town. No more carbon copy cut out dolls for me please. At least not for awhile.

~We know you're lyin', we know you're lyin' through your teeth...~

And the evening wasn't over yet. No sir. Andrew, Steve and I watched Gremlins while we waited for TJ to return from work so the "ritual" could begin. I'm not sure how they found this stuff...but they ordered a bottle of Absynth off of the internet. Some green alcoholic beverage. Supposedly banned by the US drug and alcohol administration. I say A+ to our postal system. You delivered the shit right to their front door. I don't know the whole history of it, but I guess it was used in the movie Moulin Rouge. The green fairy thing or whatever...apparently consumption of this stuff may cause hallucinations. We completed the "ritual" preparations. Set the shit on fire! A bunch of people showed up and it was a fun filled night of euchre! I escaped that as quick as I could. Instead, we watched Mr. Show and Andrew captivated Steve, Natalie and I with his accoustic abilities. Everyone started to slowly disappear...until I was left with TJ and Andrew. Once I realized these boys probably wanted to get some sleep (5 seconds after Steve walked out the door) I collected my things and planned to do the same. So I got up, and TJ slipped off into the kitchen to blow his nose. Now, he'd been pretty out of it after 3 or 4 shots of this Absynth. At one point, Natalie was trying to ask him a question and he was off in la la land. So I didn't think he was listening and or could listen to what I was saying in the adjacent room. I asked Andrew, "So what do you want me to tell Brad if I see him?" (whether or not he was interested in working with him musically that is) He said something like, "I'm down for whatever." Out of nowhere, TJ pops his head into the conversation. "Tell me what?" The statement baffled both of the people who were actually involved in the conversation. We both said something like, "We weren't talking about you." Then he says, "Tell me what?! You guys are dating. Aren't you." Confuse me?! Where the hell did that come from?

~Now I don't mind just bein' some kinda casual thing...~

I hadn't thought about it. Well, for a split second earlier in the day when Steve mistook our outing for some sort of...whatever he thought. But I dismissed it. Considering the fact that Steve wasn't around for the original purpose or the initial invite. I can't say I didn't walk out the door and laugh my ass off after TJ's comment. Because I did. Not at the idea of dating Andrew. But the utter stupidity that flows from TJ's mouth sometimes. It's forgivable. He was pretty trashed. Ugh, the audacity to assume that just because we hung out 2 nights in a row, we're automatically dating? Is it so wrong for two people of the opposite sex to spend casual time together on a platonic level? TJ and I sat on his couch and watched dvd's for almost 4 hours the other day. Am I dating TJ??? NO! For fuck's sake. As far as I'm concerned, the word or the idea of "dating" no longer exists in my vocabulary. Personally, I'm sick and tired of all that it entails. There's no such thing as men asking women out around here. So even if I wanted to, I'd have to take the initiative and work for it. I've got more important things on my mind than chasing after some unreliable male. What happened to the day when men were the aggressors that they've been hormonally blessed to be? What happened to the guys in old films? The men who see the one they want, and rather than punking out like the guys I know, they take control, grab the woman, place their hands on her face and plant the perfect kiss...Don't get me wrong, I'm all about being an aggressive woman. I try to save that for more intimate occasions though. I remember a strange conversation I had with an old friend at a high school football game many many years ago. She said she wanted this guy to walk up to her and without asking, without making things awkward, just to plant one on her. I don't know why I remembered that but...hell ya! Until that happens, fuck dating. I have a feeling, with expectations like these, I'll be single for a VERY long time.

~Put your hands on my wasteline. Want your skin up against mine. Move my hips to the baseline. Let me get mine. You get yours. Hang a please don't disturb sign. Put my back into a slow grind. Sendin' chills up into my spine. Let me get mine. You get yours.~

I told Laurie and Nicole about TJ's random drunken assumptions. Laurie's reaction: It would be convenient if I were to "date" Andrew. Because it would be easier to do couples stuff and she wouldn't have to listen to me bitch about being the odd man out. Nicole's reaction: ew! Hahahaa. I honestly have no reaction. Other than the above stated distaste for TJ's inherent narrowmindedness. I've explained my lack of desire for "dating" in general. Yup. Covered that. Not that I wouldn't...I suppose I've done very little when it comes to dating. So I have no room to oppose. I just prefer taking the traditional female role and waiting to be asked. I'd rather me facially molested...skip the first date, bring me flowers bullcrap. Damn I contradict myself too much.

~You see it was my fault. Of course it was mine...~

-Wednesday-
Slept in late, called Laurie, got bored. Went on an enlightening 2 and a half mile walk. Rubbed blisters into the backs of my heels with my K-Swiss. In all of my jogging shorts, tank top, sweaty, sneaker wearing glory, I still managed to get honked at by a car full of decent looking guys. My legs are so sore. I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight because I know it'll be worse in the morning. Laurie, Nicole and I went to Teddy's. The local retail market for videos, books, lingerie, and toys. Casey's birthday is Saturday so Nicole is planning a nice surprise. It's allowed. They're married. But I can't help but be flooded with naughty ideas while hanging out in a store like that. Overload! Tim called while we were shopping. hahaha. He's like, "what are you up to?" So I told him where the 3 of us were. He says, "what?!" It's just too damn fun to tease the boys. After that lovely taste of all the good lovin' Laura's not getting, Laurie and I went out to see her old roommate's new house. Then we stopped in at TJ's to drop off a pair of shoes for D. What a sight. Josh, Steve, D, Jeff, and Mike vegging out in front of a video game. Tapping away like it was life or death. We headed back to the house to watch Mystic Pizza. Half way through, TJ calls me to ask why I hadn't stopped by yet. I was there. You were in the shower. So I said I might drop by after the video. He called back again around 10:30 to invite me out to the theater for a free 11:30 viewing of Marci X. So I went...the movie sucked. My first free late night movie in quite awhile though. I'm cool again. Yeah! Not so exciting really. Bickering with Korey over the unspoken male rules...other than that, everyone was pretty quiet for a change. I came home...and here we are. All updated on the latest blah. And what have we learned? #1 The Posse is still alive and kicking after all these years. #2 It's impossible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex without others assuming you're dating. #3 Facial molestation is a lost artform.

~You are this moment oh yes. One minute of one hour of one night.~

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