Hangover Hallobaloo


10-22-03 10:56pm

~Bye bye boyfriend. It's time that I be on my way. Bye bye boyfriend...It was fun but I knew it couldn't last forever. Bye bye pretty boy. Bye bye.~

I never really explained my reasons for choosing not to talk to Jeff anymore. It's more appropriate now. So I'll take this time to enlighten you. Basically, the long and short of it can be simply said with this...one minute, he made it seem like he was interested. The next thing I know, he's telling me that he's not "boyfriend material" as if I was begging him for such a title. When all along, I thought I was playing it pretty cool. It was a cluster fuck of mind games that I really didn't find necessary. So I conciously cut him off. Unexpectedly, Laurie ran into him at the credit union the other day on her lunch break. This is what she says in reguards to my suggestion to call off my cut off and invite him out for the birthday festivities. "He's hot Laura. So hot that I think he deserves a third chance just based on looks alone." So I caved in and called him yesterday sitting at my desk thinking, if this mother fucker screws up one more time...I don't know what I'll do. But I'm thinking pain. Lot's of pain. So this brings us to last night.

-Taken from Honesty is a lonely word (the current notebook journal):


I'm so fucked up right now. Had a little too much birthday fun. Let's see, where I last left off, I was on a fuck Jeff spree...10 days ago right? Ya. So I hadn't talked to him in quite some time. When Laurie said I should call him and see if he would come out with us for my birthday, it was almost like a dare. I HAD to. Just to prove my capabilities. Talked to him, and as usual, he was lacking in the excited to hang out with me context. Laurie, Nicole, Casey, Kelli and I met up at Applebees for some supper. Broke off into the smaller and more party friendly group of Laurie, Kelli and I for continued endevours at Harry's. That place is never really busy when I go. They were rather dead. It gave me time to make a few phone calls though. In all my attempts to add some male hormones to the mix, I got a hold of TJ who had to work until midnight but promised to join up later. Dan's phone was never answered. But I did get a hold of Jeff who had already made plans to go to BW3 with his friends. I told him that we were planning on going there later on in the evening so maybe we would catch up. At this point, I could care less. After being blown off by Mr. I've got better things to do several times before...it didn't really matter. We went to West Gate for a couple rounds of pool. Drank some more there. And ran into one of Kelli's friends...Ryan? I think. He said he was planning on going to BW's too and we were invited along with them. We finally made it there...I don't remember when. And the first thing I see when I walk in the damn door is Jeff talking to nonother than Pat's X-girlfriend on the opposite side of the bar. I got myself a drink and we picked a table far away from the drama and I sat with my back towards him. I wasn't drunk enough for any sort of confrontation. But that changed pretty quickly. This is when I noticed...and I don't know if anyone else has had an experience like this but...it seemed as though every guy in the place was staring at me. It could have been the smell of fresh meat. But from what Kelli informed me, over the progression of the evening, all these dudes were talking about me. She knows the entire population which doesn't help but multiple men told her that they thought I was hot and inquired upon my status. She told them I was single. Yadda yadda and it's my birthday. So of course, I'm having free drinks offered to me left and right. That's just crazy to me. I'm not used to that much attention. Insane. Anyhow, we got up to get a round of shots from the bar and the next thing I know, Jeff walks up behind me and wraps his arm around my waste. This boy does not joke around when it comes to physical contact. Took me by surprise. And it didn't help that it was extremely loud from the kareoke singers. To hear or talk, we had to be all up in each others personal space. Not that it wasn't already violated from the point of his approach. I'm not complaining. He offered to buy me a drink but I was already in the process of getting our shots together. So he told me he'd come over and talk in a bit. It was back to the table. Lots of conversation with random people. Too much socialization for my taste. I'm just no good at talking to people who don't know me. But all these guys are checking me out and trying to talk to me. So strange. I was just waiting for the clock to strike 12. My glass slippers would disappear and I'd be right back to my same old introverted self. Jeff started making faces at me from the pool table. He mouthed that he was trying to get away but couldn't. Then this guy gets up to do kareoke. I recognized him from earlier at Harry's when I was much less drunk. Apparently Jeff knows him because half way through his lovely version of Santaria he was announcing that it was some other girls birthday and all of a sudden, Jeff says something to him and he's like, "what? who? Laura??? OH, it's Laura's birthday too." He points at me and Laurie grabs my hand to shove it up in the air. It's a good thing that I was drunk or I would have turned a million shades of red. He finished his song and walks directly up to me to wish me a happy birthday right. Then sits down and starts talking. I didn't mind. He was pretty good looking. David...aka "dirty". I couldn't really pay much attention. Little too inebriated. And I don't remember why he left but he said he'd come back and talk again. As soon as he did, Jeff comes out of nowhere and sits down behind me on my chair. Like riding bitch on a motorcycle I guess. Rough description. Once again, wrapping his arms around me...tell me that's not a male territorial thing. I don't know. But I'm thinking, "I may be drunk but I can tell when I'm being claimed." Make up your fucking mind Jeff. I'd really appreciate it. You like me? You don't like me? You're just playing games or what? Again, I have no recollection as to what was said. He gets sidetracked by his buddies. Some shit was going down. A bitch fight! And guess who's in the middle of it! Hmm, Pat's X. Go fucking figure. Dave took the opportunity of Jeff's absence to come back over. Prepared with pen and paper in hand he asked for my number. WTF?!?! Where the hell did all of this come from? Out of common courtesy, I gave it to him. He gave me his. The funny part about all this is while he's writing down my number, Jeff catches my eye and makes it very obvious that he doesn't think I should be doing what I was doing. He mouths "NO!!!" really huge while shaking his head. I gave him a confused look and did it anyway. Seriously, who told him it was his job to choose who I can and cannot speak to? So Dave walks away again claiming he'll call and Jeff comes right back over. So confusing. He says, "you don't want to talk to that guy. Unless you never want to get rid of him. C'mon! Why do you think they call him Dirty?" I just threw up my hands. There was no point to get into it. But Laurie took that very moment to state the obvious. "Well maybe if you'd call her..." oh my goodness. He gave her the devil stare and starts in on this nine mile long, half drunk, deep and intense monologue. Kneeling down in front of me maybe 3 or 4 inches from my face he says, "I have this unfortunate reputation as a whore. And as much as I would love to find out what's underneath those clothes, I don't want to hurt you. I'm going through a rough transition with moving back and starting a new job...I can't help it. I'm easy on the eyes. I think I go through this speech everytime I go out. And you're absolutely beautiful but I'm just too persuasive. I'm sure you'd come home with me tonight and we'd have GREAT sex. But I don't want to do that to you. You're so sweet and nice. But I'm REALLY persuasive and when I'm getting up for work at 8, and your clothes are all over my floor, you'll be hurt and I'll feel like shit." Holy hell! Who the fuck said anything about banging?!?! First of all...and secondly, I just wanted him to fucking call me back! Holy shit! So I said something like, "um, I highly doubt that. I'm more afraid I'd hurt you." He makes some off hand crude joke, "I'm sure you'd rock my world in the sack..." Whatever. Then he hit a nerve. "Well, I mean, if you're moving to Connecticut for some guy..." OH NO HE DIDN'T! So I says to him I says, "Ya, and I learned my lesson hun. I learned how to say no." For fucks sake! I don't know where the hell all of this came from. So I let him ramble and he ended it with, "but you really don't want to talk to that guy." and I snapped back, "well then why don't you call me instead." He said he would. Right. Like I believe that. He gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and started a conversation with someone else before he even walked away.



~Best friends means I'll pull the trigger. Best friends means you get what you deserve!~

When I woke up this morning, I don't think I had a hangover. I think I was just still drunk. Alcohol and I have an odd relationship. I know my limit and I can stop right at the point where if I have another drink, I'll puke. I've never gone that far. Never woke up with a headache or worse, with my head stuck in the toilet. When I do get good and sloshed, I wake up still feeling tipsy. I think I may have gone a little past my limit last night though. Just slightly. It definately wasn't pretty. Called in to The Seal at noon when the alarm went off. Mindy says, "you hungover?" Yup. "well then, sounds like you had a good birthday. We don't need you to come in today. Later." Don't know how I did it but I managed to relocate myself to the living room. Turned on the Matrix Reloaded and fell back asleep. Didn't wake back up until oh...6 o'clock tonight. Took a bath, got dressed, returned the dvd to Blockbuster, and picked up a Whopper on the way home. Settled in for some good ol' Crocodile Hunter with mom. Ate supper...and my phone rings. Hmm...

~You're starin' at me from across the room but turn your back when I walk up...~

Jeff...I don't even know what to say about this. We talked officially for an hour. He was keeping track of the time because he says he's the "King of the 30 second phone conversation". So I supposedly set a record for the longest time he's spent consecutively talking to one person on the phone. The first thing he says is, "has Dave called you yet?"
M-EH? no.
J-Oh, he'll call. You just wait.
M-What makes you think he'll call?
J-Because I saw the piece of paper he had in his hand last night that said Laura...and the number was right. What's up with you giving out you're number so easily?
M-What does it matter to you?
J-Just don't say I didn't warn you. He's not a good guy.
He went on to explain that this guy is a coke head. How am I supposed to believe what he says though? Then again...I don't know. During the hour plus that we talked tonight, I tried...really I did...to figure out what his deal is. But he gave me the same story from last night. Basically, he doesn't give himself the time to put into a relationship because he thinks it's pointless. WHY? Beats the hell outta me. So he's earned the reputation of a whore now. Since he became accustomed to the "bang and run" situation. He, a lot like me, has this massive list of standards for a girl to meet even before he'll think about dating them. They can't be "stupid bitches". He has to be able to carry on decent conversation with them. This standard he says, I've met well. Yea! I'm not a stupid bitch! hahaha. Other than that, it's mostly superficial. But he says he's trying to get away from this reputation by being a good guy. "How can you be considered a player if you're not dating anyone?" Hmm, maybe by stringing girls along and making them think you're interested but in all actuality, you couldn't care less. Ugh. I'm making it sound like I accosted him through the whole thing but it was a good talk. A bit silly at times. Entertaining at least. I did confront him about the sex thing. I said, "did I ask you to have sex with me? No. So what makes you think that's all I'm talking to you for?" Got nowhere with that either. He admited to being conceited in a roundabout sort of way. Claiming he's really not but he pretends to be overconfidant. Why? who knows. I told him that I'm sure he's heard it before since he thinks he's such a ladies man...but I'm a rare breed of female. Not easily found, not easily held onto. But different nontheless. I guess it was good just to talk and laugh and attempt to find out what his deal is. But I have yet to get anywhere. I think ultimately, I'm more interested in him for the challenge. It's not about getting him in the sack. Hell, if that's what I wanted, all I'd have to do is go over there and state my purpose. That's not a challenge at all. I just...I think it's peaked my interest now because I know that he's got issues with relationships. Nothing super messed up or serious...but enough to make me want to dig through his brain and figure him out. I'm weird like that. It's new and exciting...talking to someone that you honestly know nothing about. This could be interesting.

~I am the water. I am waves crashing onto you. I am the blank wave. I am the madness, the lost, the dark, the hunt, the cage, the rage. I am rejection. I am redemption. I am desire for obligation. I am forever. I could be never if that's what you want.~

HOME
BACK

Email: holyrevelry@hotmail.com