10-01-00 Sunday


~If you let them make you, they'll make you papier-mache. At a distance you're strong, until the wind comes then you'll crumble and blow away.~

*SIGH*
So since last Thursday, plans were set up for my first "club" experience. We were chillin' in the lobby at Reed Hall, and Rachel was telling us how she met Nick (her boyfriend) at this place called Tuxedo Junction in BG. She says she goes down there all the time, and they dance...drink...(her boyfriend does...not her) and have lots of fun. She invited all of us. Alexandria, Chris, and I. She insisted that I go. Mainly because...she didn't know that the thing with Ben was...dwindling away...and she wanted to get my mind off of him. Anyhow, I worked Saturday. And gave James his Timmy t-shirt. We ended up walking around the mall after I got off work. I...thought it would be...not so weird if we stopped in where Chris works...and said hi. I wanted to convince him to go to The Junction with us...but when we got there...he was busy...and I was chicken...and so I hid behind the cameras. I don't know if he saw me...I'm such a loser. But James got a good look at him. And this is what he had to say, "You know...that's exactly the kind of guy I could see you with." Which made me a little too happy. But we left...and eventually...it boiled down to Rach, Missy, Stacy, and I...driving down the highway...blasting Destiny's Child, and dancing. So I went to this club...and the PROMISE I made myself...was that no matter what, I would NOT drink. I didn't. I could have. I was offered...drinks...cigarettes. But I didn't drink. I danced. With Stacy...and Missy...for awhile. But Missy has this thing. Rachel described it to us...she likes to pretend like she's drunk. She even claimed that she was high. Whatever. I don't know. She could have been. She takes off...and leaves Stacy and I...alone. The only people we knew were...Rachel who had Nick's drunken stupor permanently attached to her hip. And Paul...Nick's best friend. Paul was pretty ok. I guess. He was so gone though. He was hilarious...but drunk. So we just danced...and all of a sudden...some guy I didn't know started dancing with me. And that was ok. That's what goes on at these sorts of places. You dance with strangers...and it's ok. But he was a little too touchy touchy. and he was all...kissing my neck...and in my face. Then he just...wrapped his mouth around my entire face...and it was...this massive mess of tongue and spit. It was awful. But I guess...I should have told him to back off to begin with. I mean...I've experienced...sloppy kisses before. But this was like facial abuse. So when he was finished...or more like...when I pulled his face off of mine...(it would have been really funny if it had made a popping noise...like when there's too much pressure on a glass bottle...ok...right) Stacy showed me that some girl had dumped her beer on her shirt. So I detached this guy...(Dave was his name...and that's about all I know about him) from my butt, and went to the bathroom with her. While she was attempting to dry her shirt with the blower thingy, she asked what happened...and I said..."I really don't know" and then we both realized just how large this guys nose was. He looked kinda like Dan's cousin Rob...but only...ugly...and with a bigger nose. So for the rest of the night...he was called...'big nose', or 'big bird'. When we exited the bathroom, I noticed him...still standing up on the dance floor, so I suggested we run out to the balcony (where Rachel, Nick, and Paul were) Now, there are windows from the dance floor to the balcony...(it's really cool. You can see all the people dressed up to go see Rocky Horror Picture Show across the street from the balcony) Anyhow, that Dave guy must have seen me from the dance floor, cause he was headed out to the balcony...so I grabbed Stacy and put her in front of me. Now...if you know Stacy...she's tiny. Short...and skinny. So she wasn't exactly the best hiding place. I sat down on this wooden bench...and I was still pretty visible. So I grabbed Paul, and made him sit on my lap. So if big nose didn't see me, he'd be frightened by Paul. (who's not a really big guy. But he could have whomped on big bird) Paul thought this was pretty funny. (sitting on my lap) cause he started bouncing around and laughing. It was hilarious. So other than escaping from this Dave guy, the night was pretty good. I danced with 4-5 guys. That's including Paul. I was like, "Paul, why don't you get up and dance???" and he's like, "I can't dance. I just immitate." So I pulled him up and made him. I danced with some guy who was rubbing all over himself. That guy scared me a little. But big nose was a few feet away. So I had to do something. I danced with some guy who had a beer in his hand. Ya...Nick...Rach's boyfriend...was always walking around with a drink in one hand...and a cigarette in the other. So was Paul...but Nick kept spilling his drinks. That was funny. I don't know. It was straight out of a movie. There was a toga party going on somewhere...cause there were quite a few people in togas. I just...I would do it again I think. But only if I took a guy with me. (if not because I was hooking up with him...then just for protection) James would go. I talked to him about it today. But he's a little bit too young still. I would be really happy to take Chris with me. (Chris from school. Not old Chris.)

~I need a map of your head, translated into english so I can learn to not make you frown.~

I've been thinking about him a lot lately. The pisser is...that I won't see him again until Tuesday. Unless he happens to be working...and I go harass him there. I want to invite him to youth group. I think that it would be a little more comfortable...and less suspicious than a tall skinny blonde girl wandering around in the electronics department. "Ya, I just happened to be looking at uh...the televisions...and wow...you're working today. What a coincidence!" I'm so frickin lame. But he's all...pure. And what do you say to a guy who's never gone out with a girl before anyways??? I told Rachel about it...and she said, "I noticed that...Thursday. You two would make a great couple. But I didn't say anything because I thought you were still hung up on Ben." And that was just awesome. *sigh* but everyone thought Dan and I would have made a good couple too. I'm so doubtful...I have no faith in myself when it comes to boys. LAME!

~Will I ever get to where I'm going? Will I ever follow through with what I had planned? Will I ever get to where I'm going? If I do, will I know when I am there? If the wind blew me in the right direction, would I even care?~

Well, the party is slowly falling into place. Nicole got a hold of Danny today to see if his band would play. Here's the weird part...She didn't mention that the party was for me. She just said she was having a party. But out of nowhere, Danny said something like, "you just want Ben there"?!?! I'm confused by this comment. He must be reading the journal...and he put two and two together...that I mentioned the party...and Nicole is calling to get his band to play at a party. But the part that bothers me, is that IF this is what's happened...he's just assuming that I want his band to play...cause Ben is in it. But I'd like to refute this theory. Nicole and I were throwing out ideas at Packard...we mentioned getting bands to play...cause it would just be more...party like I suppose. Plus, AJ's band doesn't have very much 'crowd experience' so to speak...I'm pretty sure that was the first band mentioned. Then we thought that maybe one band wouldn't be as cool as two. (we didn't know if AJ's band had the right equipment or not) and the only other band...that we know...whose members are all in town...is Danny's band. I figured Danny would do it...and covince the others to do it...because he loves me. Not because Ben is in the band. To be honest...I'm going to be so busy keeping things together...and if Chris comes...Lord...I'll have plenty of other things on my mind. But...this is all me assuming that Danny was assuming...I shouldn't do things like that. Danny wouldn't assume things like that. Why do I think so negatively??? Why is AIM being a bastard? I was in the middle of a conversation with Dan...and BAH! It throws up this message...Reconnect...then it wouldn't. Pain in my...head. Anyhow...other than the bands...everything is planned out...and my costume...that's another story. Where in the world can you find an angel costume? I really pretty one...I think Nicole and I are going to the cotume shops tomorrow. I only have one class. Theatre...so I'll be at school for an hour...woo hoo. then I get to come home...catch up on the "home fun" that I didn't even look at this weekend. Then Nicole gets off at 6pm. So ya. In between...I have nothing planned. I love gossiping with Dan. He cracks me up. He's telling me about his new girl...and what happened this weekend. He's all excited about her. That's awesome. Anyhow, I didn't get to listen to his show on Saturday. I had to work. Right...so anyhow...I should get some sleep. I archived...

~So I said Jonny what you doin' tonight? He looked at me with a fist full of fright and I said how bout a revolution and he right. I say OH you say AH I say revolution and you say DA.~

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