Woke up this morning to the sound of my parents fighting. That's always lovely. Today has been awful but somewhat productive. I cleaned my room. (for those of you who haven't seen it lately...it was terribly messy. So this is like a revolution) woo hoo! I got to sleep in a little...until my rude awakening. This week is dedicated to rest. I need to recoop. Because this stress is killing me. I'm drained from fighting, I'm frustrated and tired from doubting...and it's time to rest. I only work Monday night...3 and a half hours. The rest of the time is devoted to school and straightening myself out. Getting my priorities in order, working on my faith, and finishing everything up for the party on Saturday.

~He's the only one for me, and he's got everything I need...turn my back and run away.~

Saturday I worked. It was pretty boring. You know what's really funny??? I was all "Ahhhh Ben" for like a week, then I started working with him, and figured out it wasn't...right. Now that we've been working together for awhile, I'm glad that I didn't try and pursue anything with him. (he's a player) He's a really nice guy. And I don't understand why I didn't jump at him blind (like I've been known to do) because...I mean, he's really great. He's friendly, he starts conversations, he's generally kind (picks on me...but that's ok) So in my head, I'm thinking, "Wait a minute stupid. What's wrong with Ben? He's nice. You could definitely fall for a guy like that." But I don't know. You know what else is funny? I'll be standing there...watching customers or something, and I'll look up, and catch him looking at me. Occasionally I'll stick out my tongue (just for laughs) But I usually look away. Why is he looking at me??? Probably to see if I'm looking at him. no. Probably to see if I'm staring off into space like I was the other night. He came up beside me, and I saw him. He snaps his fingers or something, and I jumped because I thought he was going to throw something at me. (you never know what's going to happen in that store...random acts of violence!) He thought I jumped because he surprised me. Then awhile ago, I was leaning on the counter, and he came up behind me. (I knew he was therecause he tapped on the glass) Then he makes this screechy pteradactyl noise in my ear. He does that kinda crap all the time. It's weird.

~don't want to love you if you don't love me. Don't want to need you if you won't need me too.~

Then there's guy issue #2...Chris. My head and heart both say "go after him...idiot" Everytime I see him, I want to open a vein and bleed out the truth. But I don't want to scare him (too late for that right?) I just don't understand why I can't be subtle. Why can't I be happily single? Why can't I accept my drought and be happily thirsty? When he's around, I have to hold back the urge to link arms...the urge to just be blissfully oblivious. I make myself sick.

~don't fuss over me I'll be fine alone.~

Nicole and I went shopping. Picking up last minute stuff for the party. I found the glitter stuff I was looking for at Meijer. We got a cartful of chips, smores stuff, manwich, and assorted food type items. Nicole found her fishnet stockings. We had fun. I love just chillin with my Wee Wee. We went out to her house, and tried to do her hair like Elvira...not so successfully. But it was fun. She looks absolutely awesome with her fake eyelashes and blue eyeshadow...I'm so excited. I can't wait.

~Solamente Tu~