You have it or you don't...


10-09-03 3:26pm

~This is me with the words on the tip of my tongue and my eye through the scope down the barrel of a gun...~

I'm wasting my half day off on television and computer updates. What the hell is wrong with me? It would be nice to have something else to do. I did actually attempt something productive though. I tried to get some car insurance quotes from Progressive dot com. I filled out all the information, got to the last page where it gives you the option to purchase insurance...mmm, too bad you're supposed to have your current policy available. Too bad I don't have a current policy. So I have to call the f'n 800 number and I really don't feel like talking to some telephone insurance con artist right now. If it takes that much effort, I'd just rather continue to go insuranceless for awhile. Although it's starting to get pretty nerve racking. Everytime I see a cop I freaking flip out. hahaha it's almost worse than talking to an attractive guy. Man, I should have showered this morning...

~I'm not so sure if I'm sure of anything anymore.~

I got up late. I woke up on time but I turned the alarm off and rolled over for a half an hour of in between sleep and awakeness. I felt something touch my hand and realized it was BABs (badass bear) the Vermont teddybear that Tim got for me last Christmas. That's when it hit me. I fell asleep last night when I'd told Tim that I was going to call him at nine. stupid stupid stupid. I just called and left a message on his machine. I know he's still at work but I felt horrible all day. Didn't shower. Just threw on some dirty jeans and a t-shirt and went to check in for duty at the Seal. Speaking of which, I'm supposed to call Shannon and tell her what I observed today. Once again, I'm the store spy. She called me yesterday just to ask me if I could pull an undercover detective shift this morning on the new chick. Ya, the chick they hired over my head who stole my promised position right from under my nose. Bastards!!! Now they think she may be trying some shady business. Go fuckin' figure right?! If they had just promoted my ass, they would have no problems. Seriously, I got there this morning...her first time opening without one of the other members of management to hold her little hand and she tanked. In my opinion. But that obviously doesn't matter. She had no clue whatsoever. UGH! What a pain. On top of that, Shannon left one of her infamous "bitch lists". 2 pages of shit jobs for us to do. #1 on the list was for me to sweep and mop the entire store once again. I don't think I've made it through one opening shift without having to mop that damn store. It wouldn't be so bad if the smell of pinesol didn't make me want to vomit. But I always end up leaving that place with an upset stomach and smelling of all that is the piney freshness. The only good thing about working with K-dogg is that she's also a smoker and she doesn't care if I take 12 million smoke breaks within my skimpy 5 hour shift. I went outside around noon for some nicotine and ran into the lovely bunch from DOC. In the 7 or 8 minutes I was out for my break, I saw 3 of Jeff's employees. They must be capitalizing on his absence. Since he claims to be such an asshole to his employees...rides their asses like the Marlboro man on a bucking bronco. (that conjures some pretty strange visuals) First, I caught the one who wears weird ties smoking and blabbing on his cell phone. He ran inside almost immediately after I walked out. Then 2 more came out. They're allowed. But I don't think it would be kosher for 2 of them to skip out back at once. Lord knows I'm not going to tattle...I just found it to be quite entertaining. THEY were entertaining. The gay guy and this hefty chick that I've never seen before. He made her take out the trash. He must be too manly to complete such a task. Hahaha! Swarms of bees tend to collect around those dumpsters...and she was attacked. Then, in all of her nosiness, she asked where the door I came out of led to. It's just a firehall. But she inspected like it was totally new and exciting. She asked which store I came from. So I informed her. As if she didn't know. The gay dude (I hate to refer to him as "the gay guy" but I can't remember his name) knows exactly who I am. He was present during both of my visits to DOC...I'm assuming that the first guy ran inside to inform the others that the chick who's been hanging out with their boss was outside. "Let's go check this bitch out" they say as they look for an excuse to go out. "Ah, the trash! It's the perfect alibi". Okay okay, so that's probably not what they were thinking at all. I'm delusional. That's just how exciting my day was. So stimulating that I have to imagine these odd little scenarios...

~So obviously desperate. So desperate the obvious...~

This week isn't going any faster and it's driving me insane. Work tomorrow is going to be a killer though and Saturday won't be any better. I predict we'll be superpsycho busy and I'll be running around like a chicken with no head. Definately not looking forward to that crap. But I have to learn to deal with it sometime. At least I'll have something to do. And hopefully time will fly. Then...I'll party. Probably not...but it never hurts to pretend. A list of things that I really need to do. A proverbial "to do" list for this weekend if you will. #1 pick up my check at the seal #2 cash my check #3 pay off the moms #4 go to Verizon and bitch until they give me a better plan #5 car insurance #6 laundry #7 figure out a good budget until I get paid again. #8 wash the hellbeast #9 change oil...only half of that will get done. I might just get the work on my hellbeast overwith today. It's pretty nice outside. My poor car...I went over to Laurie's the other day and she asked what the hell happened...well, I park under a tree and I don't know why birds migrate through my neighborhood...but there had to be a whole flock perched up there because the hellbeast looks like the bottom of a bird cage that hasn't been cleaned out in a century or two. It's disgusting. It's almost embarrassing. I don't want to be seen driving around in my hot little purple neon that's covered in birdy shit. When I say covered I mean seriously...caked in shit. hahaha, it almost adds to the paint job. Little specks of purple berries surrounded by white splotches. Huh, at least it matches! I'll have to forrage for some quarters and go to the car wash. There's no way I'm washing it by hand. Bluwlllchk

~Am I turnin' you on?~

I love talking to my brother sometimes. The conversations we have are usually pretty funny. When no one is around...because he doesn't feel the need to act like an asshole toward me just to impress his friends. (who are all morons anyway) The kid is hilarious. I was razzing him a minute ago for skipping school today. I got up for work and he hadn't gotten out of bed yet. By the time I thought to wake his ass up, school had already started. So mom just let him stay home. I asked him if his alarm went off this morning and he said it did but he hates the sound it makes. He expected mom to wake him up the second time around but she didn't. So I said, "uh, ya Matt, why do you think alarms are annoying? (in my retard voice) so you wake up. wetawd!" Which turned into battle of the tards. Back and forth in that Dicaprio-esk Arnie voice for like 5 minutes. Then he flipped me off. It's on now homie! I put him in a bear hug. It scares me though...he's getting so damn big. The fucker is 2 or 3 inches taller than I am already. He's pushin' 6 feet...but he's still a scrawny little mother fucker. The strongest muscles in his body are probably in his fingers from playing video games 24 hours a day. He eats nothing but junk food...he'll regret that soon. Speaking of that, the shmuck stole my M & M's the other day. Right out of my room! Little weasel, came in here looking for a lighter (because he burns incense...???) and saw the candy. He couldn't resist. I was this close to beating his ass for that. One day, I have a feeling he's going to beat the living hell outta me for all the times I've kicked his puny ass. But what are big sisters for?! The boy is whilin' out right now. I can hear the strange noises coming from the back room. Another thing that's always pissed me off. He has a bedroom...but he also has a second room containing a fully loaded computer, a television, and Lord knows how many gaming systems...it used to be dubbed the "computer room" back in the day when we only had one computer. Thank God we've expanded our numbers. I don't know what I'd do if I had to share. But I refuse to go back there unless it's absolutely necessary. He always has the door shut. Shitty techno blaring...ugh. Sometimes I wonder how we came from the same mother. I feel sorry for his computer though. Is it possible to feel sympathy for an inanimate object? There's so much porn downloaded on it's poor harddrive. It's probably the most sexually corrupt PC in the history of its kind. Laurie just called...caller ID tipped me off, so I picked up and said, "what's up yo!" and she says in her best psycho killer voice, "Gimme all your money!" I'm poor! What the hell are you talkin' about?!? *sigh* I just realized that I'm going on and on about nothing once again. So I think I'm gonna go wash the hellbeast. Maybe pop the hood. See what she's doing under there.

~That wasn't me. That was alter-ego. That wasn't me. That was Johnny Rocket!~

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