Everyone's caught on to you...


10-6-03 7:15pm

~Don't apologize. I hope you choke and die...~

14 days left! Two short weeks until the big 22! And I'm still not sure whether or not I should be excited. A: I'm getting old and I'm still a single, lonely, brokeass whiner. B: I don't think anyone would show up if I had Kellie throw that party she was talking about. At least not any of my "friends". I have a total of...hmm, 2. And one of them is mad at me. I pissed Nicole off the other night. Friday I do believe. Friday...yes I do recall. Friday night...eh, I'll go ahead and explain. Although I promised myself that there was no reason to be bummed that I hadn't spoken to Jeff in 4 days, I was. Friday afternoon, I had my interview with Tracy (my new DM at CIC) Yes, I got the jobby. I was elated and felt like celebrating. So I went to Laurie's that night in hopes of talking Steve into a few rounds of pool and he would talk Laurie into it. I was so close. I could taste it. Laurie had a bad day and decided to take a bath. But I figured she'd be up for it once she'd finished. Half way into her soak around 9pm, Jeff called. Of course that made things 100X better. He said he wanted to call and tell me that he'd be gone for the rest of the weekend and all of this week. But he was planning on going out with his brother around eleven that night. And he'd be all alone until then. So I opted to go over there and hang out for awhile with the idea that he'd do his thing at 11 and I'd do mine. Since Laurie was in the tub, I thought it would be good timing. I scooted on over to Jeff's place. We talked a little bit more this time. He showed me his bike (ooooh ya!) and asked why I hadn't called him all week. So I confessed, "I figured you'd be busy and you'd call me when you had the time." No response. I don't know if he expected me to be like all these other girlies who call him everyday but I'd purposefully chosen not to act in such a desperate fashion. Now, he's one of those guys whose cell phone should be considered an extra appendage or permanently attached to his ear. He put in a dvd which was interrupted twice by the above mentioned girlies and thrice by his buddies. The first girl who called, he refused to pick up for. Claiming she was one of those "psycho chicks" that he never should have been nice to. He asked if I'd ever had a problem like that with someone probably half expecting me to say no. But I told him that I had actually had an encounter with that person earlier that day. (There's a point to this. I wouldn't be describing every last detail if there wasn't.) I then explained my run in with Chris who stopped by just to show off his POS Nova. He got a laugh about that and told me that's why he's conciously decided to act as though he just doesn't care. Because people like that bother him and because he seems to think girls are more attracted to guys who don't give a shit. So I retorted with my reasons for acting as though I don't care. It's not that I don't. It's because sometimes it seems like I have a neon sign on my forehead that screams "losers welcome". (Here's the point I was talking about) So he said, "oh so I'm a loser huh?" I quickly replied with a massive "no you're not a loser". Not thinking so much about it at the time, I told Laurie this story later and she said, "Ah, so he IS interested". And if you put two and two together as we girls tend to do, you'd agree that with that statement, he gave himself away.

~You gotta work it out!~

The rest of my evening with Jeff was pretty typical. Although he was a bit more active with his dogs. That was quite entertaining actually. The male has a serious gas problem and Jeff was attempting to get that stinky mother fucker to pass one in my direction. It was pretty damn funny. Hmm, no intimate details. Once again, there were none to be had and I wouldn't share if there were. After hanging out over there for 3 and a half hours, I called Laurie's cell in hopes that she was ready for some billiards. No go. Steve answered only to inform me that she'd fallen asleep. He suggested Nicole and put her on the phone. I tried. I really did. But the more excited I got, the more annoyed she became which resulted in me jokingly saying, "fine, go to bed grandma". And she hung up on my ass. I haven't spoken to her since. AWESOME! Good job Laura! Piss off one of the only people you can still stand to hang out with. Ugh. I wasn't tired, and I wasn't invited to hang out with Jeff and his boys because, "it would be too vulgar for a lady" so, since I wasn't yet sleepy, I went to TJ's thinking I could con someone over there to come to Bdubs with me. Instead, I sat around and watched them play cards. I did get to witness Korey argue over the phone with some girl's boyfriend (or X boyfriend I don't know) and his homosexual phone banter with the gay kid who works at the theater. All in all, I had a good laugh and though the comment was pretty vague, I don't think it's presumptuous to assume that the feeling is at least somewhat mutual between J-dog and I.

~There's something about the look in your eyes. Something I noticed when the light was just right.~

The rest of the weekend was spent in quiet solitude. No constant ringing of the cell phone. No ventures out into the wilderness. Just me, some music, my book, and an occasional movie here and there. I did talk to Tim on the phone Saturday (I think it was Saturday) and Dan on IM Sunday night. Just your everyday conversations. "what's up? what have you been doing?" Tim's still trying to convince me to come out to CT for a visit. His band is doing a show on Halloween that he wanted me to be there for. But I can't. Not for awhile. I still have no car insurance. (I hope the government doesn't read this) It's just too far to drive 12 hours in one day all by myself. (I obviously don't have anyone who could come with me. Or who would want to for that matter) And then once I'm there...I can't stay for long. Hell, since I have my new job, I can't take off weekends. So there's really no way that I could do it at all. Wet Seal was one thing. Just a measly little stupid part time job that I could request an entire week off if I really wanted and it wouldn't matter. Now, I'm fulltime AND new. No vacation time for me hun. Not for at least a year. But he gets laid off near Thanksgiving. End of November for you noncelebraters...So he's most probably going to come out here in between TG and Christmas. If not then I suppose he may wait until sometime after the 1st. I can live with just talking on IM and the telephone for that long. Oddly enough, I enjoy our talks. I've said it countless times before. And Dan...'ol Danny boy was trying to convice me to join him the next time a Phi Kappa party rolls around. He seems to think I'm the sorority chick type. I definately do not agree but I told him I might. I don't mind hanging out with Dan. He's cool. And hey, I've never been to a frat party...so why the hell not?

~You wanna get boned, you wanna get stoned, you wanna get a room like no one else. You wanna be rich, you wanna be kissed, you wanna be the bastard of yourself. You wanna get burned, you wanna get turned, you wanna get fucked inside out. You wanna be ruled, you wanna be fooled, you wanna be a woman like a man, a woman like a man. Like a man...~

First day of work at the new job. It couldn't be bad. Laurie, Kelli and I are 3 peas in a pod. Although the work is less than exciting. It's too easy. I mean, ya there's a lot that I have to learn yet but it's all pretty cut and dried. The only thing I think I'll need to overcome is boredom. I'll have plenty of time on say a Tuesday or a Wednesday to catch up with my reading. I thought going back to a 9-6 job wouldn't be very difficult but I got so used to 9-2 at the Seal. Which reminds me, I need to stop in there and give them my schedule. So they can torture me with one shift every 2 weeks. What a waste. I still haven't decided whether or not I want to keep my lame WS job or not. We'll have to see. Is the discount really worth it? When I'll be bringing in a 40 hr/week check from CIC...and I hate to sound flighty or fickle but I don't know how long I'll last there either. Depending on however long it takes to pay off my bills and how comfortable I become with stability. I just...I need constant stimulation. I don't know. Maybe I'll take up needlepoint. As for now, it's all good. No complaints. Mmmm, pizza's here. Gotta go.

~Did the wind sweep you off your feet?~

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