11-27-00 Monday

~I don't want to let my life fly by.~

Man, I've tried at least 3 times this weekend to get on and update...but I'm always distracted by something. Either the server is giving me crap, my computer is being slow and annoying, or I get stuck on sparkmatch chatting with some random guys. It's ridiculous. Other than that, I've been quite busy over this lovely holiday weekend. On Friday, after work, I ended up in Grove chillin' with Lisa B. The idea was to get a hold of some boys...namely Chris and Lisa's friend Skyler. Lisa talked to Chris' mom, and she said he was at his dad's. So that left Skylar...who wasn't easy to find. After driving around Grove, and several phone calls, we found him and met him at his house. I thought...we would go do something. But that didn't happen. He said he didn't want to leave. He just wanted to go to bed. So we sat around there forever. Which wasn't exactly my idea of a good time. and on top of that, not to bash anyone or anything, but Skylar is a total snob. Lisa and I have talked about this. He's like her bestfriend. But I don't know...he just rubbed me the wrong way. I refuse to pretend to be someone else just to impress people. And I definitely wasn't acceptable to this guy. But whatever...I mean, that's not my level to be on, and I won't pretend to be on that level just to hang out with him.

~Don't tell me I've changed.~

So Saturday, I went out to lunch with Nicole. I'm really trying to open those doors back up. We didn't talk or hang out at all for quite awhile. and I really regret not trying harder. So we went to...lunch...dinner...it was 4 o'clock in the afternoon. She told me about some bonfire at Josh's house. It's a thing...I don't know. bonfires are the only thing to do around here. But it was from noon until midnight...I was scheduled until 11pm so I figured it would be pointless for me to go for an hour. Moving on, we went thrift shopping. I was almost late for work...it was poopy weather, and there were car accidents up and down Cable Rd. So I got to work...found that I didn't have to work with Ben. He got called in earlier...and was leaving as I came in. I told him about the bad traffic...just trying to be nice. When he walked up to me, I was holding a pair of JNCO's and he slapped them out of my hands. They hit the floor. He can be so rude. So I picked them back up. Gave him my kind advice (about the traffic...even though he'd already ticked me off) He thanked me and left. (thank heavens) then I found out that I had to work with Kevin and John (the two new boys). BLAH! Kevin...is...annoying. He says things, and just gets on my nerves. Both Kellie and I were pissed, cause neither of the two would work. They just stood there. JOhn didn't want to fold shirts. Kevin wanted to stand there and greet customers...just stand there. He wouldn't do anything while greeting. You can move around. You don't have to stand at the folding table and stare off into space. The store was a mess. Instead, they talked to their friends, and Kevin asked em if I wanted to paint some of my poetry on his basement wall. He just moved out of his parents place and in with some chick...and he's having some of his friends put their poetry on the walls. Seeing as I've known this kid...for a week. Sorry, but no. He's weird, and annoying...I don't think I'd even enter this house he's living in...let alone paint my emotions on his freaking basement walls so he and his stoned loser friends can read it while they smoke their pot. Ya. There you go. I'm bitter today. I'm in a bad mood. Anyhow, moving on. Keving left and I was stuck with John. Who isn't so bad without Kevin around. Even though he's lazy. He's 16...no car...listens to Manson. Claims to be a junkie. (not something I'd be proud of) Sounds like we hired some really great holiday help. So finally, we closed at 10pm. Got out of there early about 10:15pm. So I decided to make my way out to the bonfire.

~Did we ever have an understanding? Did we ever have anything at all?~

It was rainy...and nasty outside. Muddy and gross. But I went anyway. I get there...miss the driveway like I always do. Found a bunch of people I graduated with there. Tyler and Nicole. Josh, Ryan, Kenny (ya...Mr.*singing* Hi my name is Kenny) uh...Crazy Jon, Andrea, Marcy, and so on. There were quite a few people there. We chilled around the fire for awhile. I gave tyler and jon piggy back rides. While Jon was on my back, he explained what happened with Amanda. And how he hates her...blah blah. Then Jon got bored and convinced a bunch of us to play some game called buck buck. I can't even explain it. That's how insane it was. Let's just say, many boys crotches ended up on Eric's head, and my face was smashed into Jared's ass. I was the only girl who played. (go figure) Nicole did...once I think. But...the fire died down, and mommy came out and dumped water on it. So that was our cue to leave. A bunch of us ended up by the porch where Eric and Jared were sliding across the railing. I could never do that...soap shoe thing. Anyhow, Jon puts his arm around me. And I put mine around him. Originally it was for the purpose of bonding I suppose. Because he put his other arm around Tyler, and I put mine around Nicole. They slowly pulled away, so we were left there...arms around each other. And I asked myself, "why do Jon and I always cling to each other at bonfires???" Flashback to Jon's graduation bonfire that moved to Josh's house...the beginning of last summer...right after Jon and Amanda broke up. He'd told me the whole story a week before at Matt H's bonfire. (we ended up walking around outside alone talking about it) Then at Josh's, we hung out...the whole night, and later, Jon's brother claimed he thought Jon had moved on from Amanda, and onto me. I digress (hahaha got that from Skylar) So we stood there holding onto each other until we all decided it was time to leave. He walked me out about half way to my car...and then...it was over. I don't understand it at all. Anyhow, I have to leave for work soon. I would tell you about my lovely day yesterday...or my crappy day today. But I need to go...and quickly too.

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