11-21-00 Tuesday

~It's not so bad...it's not so bad~

So uh ya, I'm listening to Eminem. It's my brothers cd...and I don't know why...but I like the new single. -Stan- Mainly cause Dido does the chorus. I like Dido. Pretty sure I asked for her cd for Christmas. Prolly won't get it. (I try not to get my hopes up around the holidays) This weather is kicking my keister. I bought a huge puffy coat, a new beanie hat, some gloves. My scarf is pretty thin...It doesn't do its job...so I'll get a new one of those too. I walk outside, and almost fall over from the wind. It's COLD! My car is giving me problems. I worked tonight. Exciting. Training another newbie. Daniel. She's pretty cool. Better than Kevin was. I think she's the first chick I've talked to at work...other than my manangers. I don't really relate much with the other girls. In fact, I don't relate much with females in general.

~I am whatever you say I am. If I wasn't then why would I say I am?~

Lisa talked me into joining this thing at thespark.com. It's like a match making thing. There are a whole bunch of losers (like me) who get on there and talk to each other. It's pretty cool. I've talked to quite a few really nice guys. One in particular though, named Jesse. I messaged him. (cause I was going through the people who were on-line at the time...it's that instant gratification thing) and I happened to come across his picture and web url. He's totally beautiful. Like a lot of the guys around here that I can't have. The boys...like Ben, Danny, etc. He's that...I don't know what you would call it. He's a minority. (that sounds wrong) He's not like all the American Eagle, Abercrombie boys. He doesn't go to the mall. (I don't think he was impressed with the fact that I work there) He's in a band, and he's absolutely charming. He's an artist...does comics. It's totally awesome. Too bad he's from Michigan. Even though I know he's untouchable. Even if he was from around here...but I'm destined to fall for all the beautiful odd boys...I'm destined to be burned my every one of them. Anyhow, he signed my guestbook. There's a link to his page...he's got his artwork, and pictures of himself there...if you don't believe me...or if you'd like to make fun of my taste in boys (like everyone else). After we messaged each other on spark, checked out each others pages...I sent him an authorization thing for ICQ. So we chatted a bit there.

~won't you come with me~

The Strive For Conviction page is getting better and better by the day. They put up some pictures of the boys last show. http://www.expage.com/striveforconviction/ What else...I worked...said that...skipped my english class this morning and missed a quiz. (oops) Skipped UVC again. Just because it's dumb. Went to Hunan!!! That, I think, was the highlight of my day. (ok, I lied. I'm chatting with that guy from spark now!!! even though he takes forever to reply) I came home from work and wrote a play review and an essay for my theatre class tomorrow. I should have studied for the quiz...but I seem to do better when I don't. I have to take that english quiz I missed...and I didn't even finish the book that it's over. We have to write a paper for next week Tuesday over this book too. I'm on ch 13. and there's like 40 chapters. POO!

~In one night you made me your own. In one hour you gave me away to the angels.~

I really wish he hadn't come on-line. I want to stay up and talk to him...but I want to go to bed so I can get up at 7am. LAME! I'm so lame. Tired and lame. James came in to visit me today. It's about the only time I ever see him anymore. I saw Crazy Jon today. He was out cleaning the walks on campus. (Oh BOY!) He asked me if I noticed anything different about him...he got his hair cut. And I asked if he talked to Amanda...he said yes. Then I asked if they still hate each other, and he said yes. Silly boy. I told Lisa about the crush I had on Jon at one point in time. I still think he has wonderful eyes. Piercing blue. Anyhow, so Thanksgiving...is tomorrow for me. I can't go to youth group (even though all my friends who are away at college will be there.) I have family dinner at my grandma's. It's the only night Kiersten can make it home from Indianapolis. Sometimes I resent the fact that everything has always revolved around her. But as a cousin, and at one point, almost a sister, I love her to death. Then I have Thanksgiving again Thursday with my moms side of the family. I never understood why we couldn't ALL get together. Might save some trouble. But none of them get along very well. Holidays are like fights waiting to happen. It's never good. I usually just hide. Sit down and glue my eyes to the tv. Try not to pay any attention to anyone. (at my dad's side) On my moms side, I end up the center of attention. I've always got good stories to tell. They seem to be the only ones who enjoy my stupidity (cause the stories are mostly about my quirky...experiences). Like how lame I am, how clumsy I am...(jokes about the middle name)...how retarded I can be. It's good to make fun of yourself. They're laughing with me not at me. (right...) Whatever. So ya. Holidays...commercialized crap...family mush...blah blah. I wish I wasn't so disillusioned with things like this. I wish I had a great family who I loved to hang out with. But uh...I don't think those exist. AMAZING! James is on-line. He said he loves me. I wonder where this is coming from all of a sudden. Since last Wednesday, it's been, "I love you, will you marry me?" Silly boy. My neck hurts...I think I'm gonna have to tell Jesse and James that I'm going to bed. *pouty lip*

~I could never be the apple of your eye~

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