11-13-00 Monday

~This is the last time that I bleed for you.~

You know...Tommy Lee...is this hard rocker/neo-whiteboy rapper, formerly married to Pamela (and still obsessed with her imo) and not only is he totally hot, but he's also got this soft, boyish, spiritual side. Sorry, I was watching MTV cribs. His place is awesome. Just like every other person whose pockets are full of cash. I'm just jealous. That's all. Sticking with the topic of hot guys that I can't have...they need to just stay away from me. Like I said to James earlier on the phone, "out of sight out of mind." But no. If I find a guy attractive, I tend to see him more often. (ok, Robbie Williams is humping a bed...British people crack me up.) But yes. So Lisa and I were exiting our meeting today. (for scheduling) and guess who also just happens to be leaving the office. Of all people...Ben. He's like, "what are you doing in MY office??? You're not allowed in MY office" (apparently this is where he worls on campus...I had no idea) Then he proceeds to hold not one but two doors open for us. What a frickin' boyscout! Why can't he be rude and mean or ugly and disgusting??? no no no. Tortured. I'm truly tortured.

~I'm sorry I had a bad day again~

Honestly it started out pretty bad. I just couldn't get up this morning. So I skipped theatre. Only went in for the meeting. But I get up late, and I'm getting ready...curling my hair and "sssss" I burn my left cheek. (that's facial...not ass cheek) So I have this big read blotch that stings and hurts. Walking around the house with ice on it. So I went to leave. And my car wouldn't start. Ended up driving the mini-van. Whatever. So Lisa and Aimee either made fun of me for the burn, or bitched because I was bitching that it hurt. It wasn't pleasant. The posse...sitting there all smug on the couch in Reed Hall lobby. Chris walks in. Doesn't even acknowledge us. Struts right over to the guys. I don't know what this macho "I'm the man" thing is...but it's bullcrap. Finally, they all head for the cafeteria...and he trots over and talks to Lisa. Then blazes off behind the rest of them. When he said "see ya later", he looked at Lisa...then glanced over at Aimee and I. I understand that he and Lisa are good friends...but c'mon. I just think he's shutting everyone else out. Approaching him isn't the easiest thing either. I give up. I don't even want to be his friend anymore. He needs to just stay away.

~Don't you remember anything I said when I said, don't fall away and leave me to myself. Don't fall away and leave love bleedin' in my hands, in my hands again.~

So I come home...and I'd planned to catch up on the massive amounts of homework that I've left to collect dust. I opened my math book...and looked at the problems...but understand them??? no. So I got really frustrated with that. Then I bust out my english paper and start "editing". The two girls who edited my paper...complete idiots. Then I began typing the paper. Got halfway through and realized I had to get ready and go to work. Went out to the car to see if maybe it would start...nope. But the option of driving the van was out because daddy had claimed it for the trip to Columbus. He took my brother and his friend to Monday Night Raw! Oh Boy! So he...the BIG man...goes out to the car and starts it. Says I flooded the damn thing when I didn't even touch the gas peddle. Then gives me instructions to let it run for a few minutes and it should start right up. So I let it run until I was ready to go. Then I went. Work...I got to train the new kid. He's...a strange breed. Tries to act intelligent. Says things you wouldn't expect. Reminds me a lot of the group of guys I hung out with in high school. He thought I was being mean to him. I was being a smart ass. That I'll admit. I'm PMSing. Shannon and I had him greet. I don't think he was too happy with having to stand up at the front of the store by himself. But that's exactly what I did most of my first night. Tony, Matt, and Ray dropped in. Lovely boys. Tony officially turns 18 this month. I almost would...but no. Just cause it's legal doesn't mean it's ok. Kim even tried to hook that one up. Silly. Ya...it was a night...nothing exciting. Mostly blah.

~Excuse me! I've been waiting in line and I'd like to have some of your time~

I'm so tired...but I have to go read. I'm not even going to look at the chapter for my english quiz tomorrow. (the last one) it's like 3 pages long. and screw math...I'm so close to failing that class anyway. and as for theatre...I have no idea what happened in class. Aimee didn't tell me. She said, "oh ya, we took a quiz today." But she likes to BS like that all the time. We didn't...I'm sure...but I'm thinking maybe it'll be Wednesday...cause there's no class tomorrow. Then there's the book we're reading in english...we're also having a quiz over that. Which is what I need to read. I schedule classes Thursday. I think I'm taking History, Intro to Poetry, theatre, and chorus. Oh brother...I'm really disillusioned with school right now. I feel like I'm wasting my time. I feel like these people that I've met don't give a rats ass about me. (Lisa does...and maybe Aimee...) I feel like I'm not talking to and spending enough time with Nicole, James, poor Goo has the chicken pox. I hardly talk to them anymore. And I rarely see them. I feel like I'm racking up a bunch of bills I can't pay for because I can only work so much. And I'm tired of studying (even though I don't really do that) and I'm tired of getting up early. When the snow hits...I won't want to leave the house. It's slowly drifting downhill. No one to talk to. Nicole has Rob. Lisa has Chris. I have me. And here I am...whining again.

~You're by yourself. All by yourself. You've got no one else. You're by yourself.~

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