11-10-00 Friday

~Do you think that it got up and left for good this time?~

It sure doesn't feel like Friday. No classes today. That's just odd. I feel backward. I attempted to update on the 8th. And honestly, I have no idea as to what happened. I was typing...and all of a sudden I had a message from Andrea N. on IM. So I was chatting with her. Got some new gossip...Dan broke up with her?!?! What's that about? Obviously it shocked her too, because she was like, "ya, the guy who wanted me for 9 months broke up with me after 7 weeks." Then BAM! everything was gone. (everything concerning my entry) I finished up talking with Andrea, and turned the damn thing off. So I lost my entry from the 8th...and here I am with a ton and a half things to say about this past week. Quickly!

~I got to pick me up when I am down. I got to get my feet back on the ground.~

So yesterday, Aimee, Lisa, and I went on a huge lunch trip because UVC was cancelled. (and because we skipped out of theatre) our prof went to NY for some reason...and she's like, "since I'm going to be gone, I'll leave a film with (whatever that guys name is) and you can watch it during class." Add a thick Russian accent to that...the plan: go to class, sign the attendence sheet, then leave. That's exactly what we did too. There was plenty of time between that and the time when Lisa had to be back for chorus. So we went to the bank, the mall, and then McDonalds. Funny parts were when (since we took Aimee's car which has no radio) we remembered all the words to Shoop and What a Man...random Salt N Pepa songs...and sang them while leaving the bank parking lot. The not so funny parts were when we stopped in at Gadzooks so I could get my check, and my district manager was there. This guy is like...I don't know...he doesn't like me very much. But I honestly don't think he has a nice bone in his body. So whatever. I was paranoid for the rest of the day that he was going to be there when I had to work at 5pm. Checks weren't in yet. So we just went to eat. We were late getting Lisa back for choir, so we dropped her off at the back of Reed Hall and parked. It's cool...Aimee and I sat in the lobby for awhile. We were going to go sit in the library in Cook Hall...but didn't cause I said I was too lazy and didn't want to walk over there. (strange twist of fate)

~You killed me when you came walking down the sidewalk saying everything was fine...it's so easy to fool me. You can turn me on, you can turn me off...I knock down walls for you 'cause I need you.~

So we're sitting there chatting with Erin, and staring out of the window like usual. Then...I look up, and see Danny walking toward Reed. I jumped up and said, "Danny!" he walks in the door as I'm jumping down the steps. I throw my arms around him and say, "I love you!!! I've missed you so much!" HELLO! Now I've told Danny before that I love him. I do. Like you wouldn't believe...but it just felt strange saying it. He's told me that he loves me too. But sometimes I feel like he only says it out of kindness. I haven't seen him for quite awhile. Even though he goes to the branch. And I knew he did. I've never seen him there. And I guess I got a little too excited. We ended up talking for a half an hour. He was looking for one of his prof's offices...and decided to wait for Ben to get out of chorus so he could ask him about some money the band owed him. It was just by some freak act of nature that I happened to be there...so we talked about...everything...including the whole crush on Ben...how Danny doesn't read the journal...how Ben's a pimp...it's the latin thing...ya that was pretty funny. Danny seems to think that Ben's line about not thinking girls like him is just that...his new line. ya...whatever. It's pretty hilarious though. How Danny's like, "all the girls are like 'Ben!!!' cause he's dark complected...it's that Latin thing. Which leaves guys like me..." and he grinned, something about lacking the skills to win the ladies over. Sure! Danny with your charm...your little boy grin...whatever. Then he told me about the confusion behind this Lindsey chick that Ben's been seeing. He doesn't know whether it's serious or not. And she's beautiful...just like all the other girls who are crazy for those boys. Which leaves girls like me...lacking the skills to win guys over...because I'm not conventionally beautiful. Guys don't look twice at girls like me. I've lost before I've even begun. Anyhow, people start filing out of the auditorium, signaling that it's time for me to head over to Galvin for math. Danny just walks right in looking for Ben. And I turned to Aimee, "That's Danny. The guy I wasted a whole year of my life chasing. But do you see why?" and she's like, "no." That's a shocker. She thinks Ben's good looking but not Danny. I think all those boys are attractive in their own ways. The band boys...the concerts I used to go to...so Lisa comes up, and we start off for Galvin. Danny was talking to Ben about something...and it honestly sounded to me like he said, "ya, I talked to her...you know...just to be nice." I hope that's not what he said.

~You can't go on. No you can't even talk. Your future says run but you can't even walk.~

So I went to work last night. Thank God my DM wasn't there. It was pretty blah until about 8pm when everyone decides, "HEY! The mall closes in an hour! Let's go mess up all the stores!" It got pretty busy. I was vacuuming the front of the store, and I look up and see (woody hat) Chris. (of course, a member of the posse) He walked right on past. So I'm vacuuming...I make it all the way to the back of the store...open the dressing rooms so I can sweep in there. Look up, and there he is looking at the T-shirts on the back wall. I'm thinking...say hi. You know him. I'm sure he knows who you are. Ask him what's up. No big deal. I turn back around and keep sweeping. I bet he was thinking the same thing. But he left. And I didn't say a damn thing to him. He probably thought, "bitch...couldn't stop vacuuming for one second to acknowledge my presence." So anyhow, I continue sweeping, and then Ben comes in to pick up his check. The last person I wanted to see. I finished up, and unplugged the thing. Wrapped up the cord, and put it away. He's still there. I go back up front to fold some shirts. I think I did two...and then I leaned back on the bug. (we have a half of a volkswagon beetle in the store...I'm sure you all know that) He struts up beside me and says, "Don't sit on the bug."
"I always sit on the bug."
"well you're not supposed to."
"I know...don't really care." *smile*
(I just can't keep from grinning when he's around) then there was this weird pause...I think he said something else...maybe not. but there was this long pause where he was standing there...for no reason...just standing there...while I stared out into the hall. Then he's like, "well I'll see ya later."
"later."
silly...stupid...unnecessary...ridiculous. Just a few words that run through my head when I think about all of this. I have no idea what that was all about. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

~I don't know when I got bitter but love is surely better when it's gone.~

The best part is that I work with Ben tonight. That's just lovely. It's gonna be uncomfortable and just...ok. I shouldn't predict what it'll be like. Talk about self-fulfilling prophesy. I'd really rather not. I'm hoping it's not weird. I wonder which manager will be there. If it's Kellie...then It'll be me up front, and the two of them will be in back...chatting and having a good ol' time. If it's Shannon, then she'll stand up front with me when she's not running register...and we'll scare people. Like we always do. If it's Kim...I don't know...she's unpredictable. I should have checked. I didn't even know I was working with Ben tonight until Kellie was like, "it's you and Ben tomorrow." and I'm thinking...maybe he works the day...and I work night...but no...I got curious and checked...we both go in at 5. Damn. Oh well. Carefree attitude! Nothing gets to me right??? pshhh. We'll mullet hunt. It's totally cool.

~'cause you wanted more. More than I could give. More than I could handle. In a life that I can't live. You wanted more. More than I could bear. More than I could offer for a love that isn't there.~

And yes...I've been listening to nothing but Tonic for like the last 3 days. I'm so upset that I can't go to the concert tonight. Why Kim??? Why did you have to schedule me the night of the Tonic show??? Maybe Nicole will get an autograph for me or something. That would make things all better. That's IF she even goes. Grr! I wanted to see them so badly. So I'll just listen to the cd's. (because yes. I own more than one) and pretend it's live. *sigh* poor me. My cat just puked. (eeewww!) I guess that's my cue to finish up...and go clean up the vomit. OH BOY! It just gets so much better.

~So you give it all in the world today. You say it's all about the passion. And the wars you wage...I said I'm not afraid of change. I'm not afraid to lose. They say it's all about the sacrifice. And the weapons you choose.~

HOME
CONFLICTS

Email: holyrevelry@hotmail.com