Well At Least I Tried


05-29-03 8:10pm

~Well it happened again...~

I love contradicting myself. I do believe that I said I would never fake bake again. I didn't plan on it. Honestly. It's an expensive habit. But Laurie, Nicole, and I dropped by the salon where Natalie works (a friend from highschool who now does hair). She's doing Nicole's hair for her wedding. So we were doing "test runs" before the big day. I watched her do Laurie's hair...as I threw Nicole's up in hot rollers. Then when Natalie started working on Nicole, she suggested Laurie and I hop in the tanning beds. So ya, I tanned. It's been awhile. A very long while. I definately should NOT have stayed in the bed as long as I did. I'm miserable. Burnt to a crisp. I can barely move. My back is pretty bad. My neck, my stomach, but the worst is my ass. It's bright fucking red. I'm laughing about it now, but it's not so funny when I try and move much more than my hands. But it did make me think though...someone once told me that a tattoo feels like a bad sunburn. So if I can handle this, shoot! Why not go for some ink!!! hahaha Always have to look on the bright side. And since my ass is currently covered up...(laugh) Ya, I'd go out and get a tattoo as soon as this burn stopped...burning. But wait! I don't have a fucking job. And therefore, I have no money. I'm really starting to get pissed off about this. And if I wasn't handicapped right now, I'd go out and start looking for one again. But...not as simple as it sounds. I've been permanently attached to the couch. A vegetable of sorts. Oh happy day!

~I'm holding out this time cause I figured that I might just make it.~

So I think that Jesse read that last post. I think he's mad at me. I'm not quite sure if his post on Scott's message board was a stab at me or not. He posted some poem...I don't know if he wrote it or not. But it was a little on the harsh side. So if it was directed toward me, that's fine. I'm a glutton for punishment. But just to set the record straight, I was only being honest. Nothing I put on here was meant to be hurtful. I was thinking and typing at the same time. I wish people would understand that when I type an entry, I don't go back and touch it up. This is all right off the top of my head. What I feel at any given moment is always subject to change. I AM a female for Pete's sake. FUCK, I'm tired of apologizing.

~I don't know about any of those things. I don't care to know about any of those things.~

Good to know
that I am still
on the top of the list
of heartbreakers.
I'm still the best
at ripping through lives
and leaving dust behind.
Everytime,
I clean the meat off
bones so white.
And walk away without
a second glance.
No one gets a second chance.
I take that back,
I've made mistakes
and forgotten my own rules
once...or twice.
Who knew the killer
could be killed.
The hunter
could be hunted...
Left to choke on
my own bittersweet medicine.
A curse of continuous mistakes.
It's good to know that I'm
still on the top of the list.
I'm still the Queen of Heartbreak.

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