05-22-00


Ok, so technically, it's not my last day of school. I have one more day to go...but that consists of sitting on my butt (a lot like today) only I'll be watching people (fellow students) make fools of themselves. We have this drunk-driving simulator tomorrow. Boy am I excited. But my good friend Rachel hooked me up with an "assistant to the assistant" job. Which is awesome because I don't have to sit in my classes and attempt to ignore teachers who are helping those who still have to take finals. Sucks to be them...(and what am I doing right now??? Sitting in the Spanish room 7th period...listening to Srta. try to teach her freshmen some last minute grammer) All I've done today is read. I've been re-reading Neverwhere. It's a good book. But I'm about sick of sitting on my rear end. I'm more than ready to go get film developed. I'm more than ready to go out and get a job. (you didn't hear me say that.) She said she'd have something for me to do when I ran in here to get a pass right before my 7th period studyhall. but...nothing. So she told me to just goof around on the computer (which is extremely slow, and the spacebar sticks.) Matt was supposed to be down here with me, but the lucky dogg talked to...make that kissed the "man's" butt. He got to leave early and go home. I could have done that at 7:45am when I got here. I've done NOTHING! and I'm starting to go a little stircrazy.

~dumps like a truck...~

Moving on...if there was an on to move to. There's nothing really beyond the subjects of being bored...and graduation. Alanna and I had a short discussion about graduation today. She said, "I could have graduated today" and I was like, "Well, you've got 'til what...Saturday???" and she's like, "yeah...*sigh*" She said that this whole week is like a dream. It's surreal. We're all graduating on Saturday...and we're all like, "yeah...graduating...whatever." But she also mentioned that this weekend is gonna be a blast. Parties...more parties...I'm just thankful that it's just about over. Srta did something really cool today. She made copies of random pictures we've taken in class this year and made little autograph books out of them. We all got to write something in everyone else's. There were many many quotes from our lovely Don Quijote film (that's still not quite finished) *sigh* I can't believe I never got it done in time. But it will be completed. Oh yes...I have to leave now...

~baby won't you walk me home, I don't wanna go all the way alone.~

So I went and got the film developed. Awesome...I love pictures...I can look at them and say, "hey that was a time in my life when I was feeling this..." or "that was awesome...we had so much fun" They cheer me up. Some of the pictures were just me wasting the rest of a roll today at school. So I'm like, "WOW, that was earlier today...boy, I'm gonna miss these people." Stubbs...I got this great picture of him walking in this morning. And Joe and I had camera wars. I got an extreme close-up of Norbeck's face...and a few spanish pictures. Those are good. I got the better side of Kyle and Matt. Those two are a trip. Beyond Kyle's normal rude disposition, and Matt's seemingly quiet exterior...They are a riot. They were quoting the greats. Billy Madison, and Bio-Dome...Talk about melting a girls heart. I also found some good prom photos. The good times. and lots of cabin-fun from the Cedar Point trip. Our exploration of the IGA in jammies and ducky ponchos...Then I came across the pictures from Revue. Many many twister pics. Those I honestly don't care about. But there are SO many of them. and then you have Cory clinging to me; Jason; Jason and Megan; Lincoln and Megan; Megan, Jeff, James, and Cory; Lincoln, Alex's mother, and Mike playing dead; Lincoln, Megan, and another of Mike playing dead...That kind of upset me. What does it take to get a good picture of the boy...I've tried so hard to be his friend, I've invited him to do things with me instead of me having to come to Wapak constantly, I've even been concerned...I mean, what do I have to do to mean something to someone...Anyone!!! What do I have to do to make someone care?

~I try but I can't seem to get myself to think of anything but you. Your breath on my face, your warm gentle kiss I taste...I taste the truth. You're what I came here for, so I won't ask for more.~

I've been catching up on some reading. (e-mail that is) and I noticed that boys seem to be attacking everyone...They're everywhere...right...moving on. I miss those days when Goo and James just came over out of nowhere. I miss when Dave and Tippie stopped by and we had cereal fights. They tried to shove me through a sunroof. (laugh) I miss Danny my knight in shining armor..he saved me from an empty gas tank, and I could call him when I just felt like talking. I miss the excitement that came along with Friday nights and Christian concerts. (and all my friends who are in the bands) I miss chillin' in Stevie's barn. I miss the old wrestlefest. Oh, here's digging deep...I miss Disney. I miss Haggard. I miss going to swim meets because I was crushing on a burn-out and didn't know it. Ha...I miss hanging out with my cousin Kiersten, her former boyfriend Glenn, his brother Lee, and their cousin Jason. (Ouch that's really digging) I miss Teenact. (AHHH I'm scaring myself) But only because I know that those days are all behind me. They're gone, and I can't bring them back. I can't obsess over Danny anymore. I can't sing for DriveWay ever again. It's gone. and now that I've said it...I'm a ninny. ok. I know I am. I'm afraid to move on. I feel alone. and I know I'm not the only one.

~You're the one that set me free...and all I can do is think about a way to make you stay with me...~


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