05-20-00 Saturday


It really doesn't feel like Saturday. This week has gone by a little too fast. We had Spring Sing on Thursday...It was...stress. Just a bunch of chaos. I wasn't very pleased with our performance. I thought it could have been better. But we didn't get much time to learn the new music...That's no excuse. I'm more disappointed in myself than anything else. That's a surprise...but, moving on. I've spent a lot of time thinking this week. Too much thinking. I was told to stop that. And I remind myself everytime I start to, "Laura, tsk tsk. You shouldn't be thinking. It's bad for you." but I continue to think...Shame on me. SO yeah...

~I don't wanna come back down from this cloud~

So last night I made another trip to Wapak. This time it was for my cousin's choir thing. Redskin Revue... It was a good time. The show was hilarious. I laughed...I almost cried. The last song was like a tribute to the seniors. Those are always sad. The guys did Sit Down You're Rockin' the Boat. That was funny. Alison's like, "I really hope Mike knows the difference between an amendment and a commandment." The girls did a song from Caberat. Slutty but funny. The ultimate was Men in Tights. Lincoln cracks me up. After the show, I met Jeff and James and we all went to some guy named Alex's house. There was a big cast party there...and I kinda went even though I wasn't really part of the cast. But I met a few people...Some kid named Cory. He was nice. Kinda clingy. I met a guy named Waffle...actually his real name is Andrew I think. It seems like he was big into the Christian concerts last year too. He's a big fan of Taunt...so we talked about that. They played Twister. I guess it's some sort of tradition. They have a board that's been signed and passed down from all of the former members. That's pretty cool. I sat around most of the time and followed Megan around (didn't want to lose her) We ended up in the same room with Mike. I don't know exactly what was wrong with him. When we were at the school, Jason told me that there was a party at Mike's place, and when I asked him about it, he got a little mad. Jason said that there were like 3 or 4 parties planned for Mike's only Mike didn't plan them. So I guess that's why he was upset then. But I didn't say anything to him about it. He was rude to me at the party too. He asked if I had Tylenol, he had a really bad headache, but I didn't have any. Then I told him that my mom said I should invite him to my graduation party. He kind of rolled his eyes and said no. Talk about making someone feel good about themselves. It was a friendly jesture...I thought...and I was trying to cheer him up. He's always tired or sick when I 'm around. I still didn't say anything to him about it. It's not my place. I suppose if he enjoyed my company he would try and spend time with me. I'm not going to force it on him. He left, and I was chillin' in the room where they were playing Twister...Lincoln was joking around (it was his birthday) I don't remember exactly what was said, but Megan said something. Lincoln looks at me and goes, "awww, poor Laura" and I didn't really understand what he meant by that. Then Megan said, "Well she's got all summer to talk to him." and I'm like, "who???" I guess they were talking about Mike. I asked Lincoln what he knew...and he's like, "I know enough." It totally confused me. He wouldn't tell me what he thought he knew...and I don't know...He's like, "You do know that he won't..." and I said, "yes. I know all about the fact that the boy has no sex drive. No desire to have a relationship...and I didn't really care. I tried anyway, and neither did he obviously. He doesn't care." Then he laughed and said awww again. Like he pitied me. So I told him not to, and that I'm fine. I'm over it. and he's like, "That was SOOO last week!" and I agreed. I AM over the whole Mike-doesn't-date thing. But what I don't understand is why he rejects me even as just a friend. But then again he doesn't really. I over heard some girl ask him how he knew me. and he said something like he met me awhile ago and we've been friends for like a month or two. Maybe I just don't grasp the concept of friendship. I always thought they spent time with each other. I thought they talked to each other. Boy was I wrong. (sorry...bitter sarcasm) Anyway...

~It's the little things that kill~

I went to see Road Trip with Megan and her friend Tyler today. The movie was great...but I felt like a third wheel. That was the point though. She invited me because she didn't want to go alone with him. So, I went and...yeah...the movie was good. I realized that I forgot to rent that movie...Dan gave me homework. (haha funny) he told me to rent some movie...I keep forgetting which one. Oh well. It's not like it matters. I wish it did. I wish a lot of things did. *sigh* I'm being vague. Let me explain. I wish "things" mattered. and I can't specify which things because the things aren't really important. It's the people. But that doesn't seem very important right now either. In other words, I'm feeling a little desperate right now. The vulnerability is through the roof. and I hate it when I feel like this because one of two things always happens. Either I feel weak for about a month then get over it, or I feel weak until some unsuspectng victim comes along and I attach myself to them. Then I get hurt. Both outcomes suck. but one of the two is inevitably going to happen. I prefer the first. Here we go again. Well, I've blabbed long enough. I better go do something productive.

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