Should I go Back to Sleep?


05-18-03

~You stare at me like I'm a vitamin~

This will be the last day that I allow myself to wallow. I've been back and forth between the couch and the computer for 2 days straight. It's getting really old. I don't know how people can go without jobs for so long. Honestly, I'm going insane. I've been home since mid-March (I think) That's uh somewhere around 2 months that I've been unemployed. I've done everything that I could think of to keep me occupied. Including: updating my site 12 times a day, hanging out at Laurie's house every other day, Hanging out with TJ, talking to Ben on IM, going to Michigan 2 weekends in a row, chilling with my little brother, watching obscene amounts of television, movies out the ass, reading 2 novels, helping my mother with stuff, joining 3 message boards and chatting it up with weird Jason Mraz fans, drinking and other substances that can be abused...the list does go on. So, there's actually a plan of attack. I'm getting up tomorrow morning and paying my cell phone bill (that I put off until the day that it's due) And I'm going to put on a suit and go job hunting. No shit. A fucking suit. That means I'm not messin' around anymore.

~On this page, you see a little girl giggling at a hipopotomus. I wonder why.~

I'm tired of life revolving around my romantic issues. It's been 2 months...and it feels like ages. I fucked up two relationships in a row, then came home and dated TJ of all people. Then somehow managed my late night rondevoux with someone that I never thought I would not only once but twice (which I think was just a huge ego boost and nothing more) Now I have this...thing with Jesse. And I don't even know what the hell is going on with that. But that has a talk long time coming scheduled for next weekend. So, ya. Hopefully things will be settled and I'll be able to focus on business rather than personal for once. Is it possible for my dependent streak to ever go away? Will I ever stop smoking?

~I call you on the tin-can phone.~

On a somewhat lighter note, as I was putting away my laundry earlier (YES! I finally put it away. after sleeping on top of it last night) I came across my bathing suit collection. Mom must have found all of that shite cause it was packed away from when I traveled home from CT. So, in all of my glorious boredom, I tried on my black and white striped bikini. Now, either I'm not as chubby as I sometimes think I am...or I don't know what. I've had to have lost some weight or something cause it still fits. And it fits good. I'm straight on flaunting that bitch around this summer. If only it would get warmer out so I can bake under the beautiful rays of el sol. I don't even do it for the tan anymore. There's just something absolutely refreshing about basting yourself in smelly coconut scented oil and bathing in natural light. If I wanted a tan, I'd do it artificially. But I've sworn that off. No more fake-bake, and no more fake nails. I've thought about not dying my hair anymore. But it just wouldn't be kosher. I'm a blonde. No, it's not natural but it's me. I've been a blonde almost all of my life. And my grandma gets upset with me when I go darker. We don't want that now do we? I actually sat here the other night and wrote a poem about how stupid all the things we do to make ourselves attractive are. I may just post it later if I find myself in a pickle of boredom. As for this lovely post here, I think I'm done ranting for now.

~I won't resist and if I die, well at least I tried.~

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