Well baby I'm single


05-16-03

~I can be lacubrious with you~

So last night was interesting to say the least. The whole day was just crazy. First of all, I finally changed my tire. (i can hear my brother singing Duran Duran in the other room) Yes, I did the dirty duty. Dirty it was indeed. I was filthy. So I took a nice long shower and washed my hair for the first time in 4 days. THAT was disgusting. I ripped out like a handful cause it was so ratted and nasty. I was THIS close to dreads. I've been thinking about that lately. I would still like to do that. I just don't know if I'm commited to fucking up my nice pretty long hair permanantly. I'm pretty fickle when it comes to that sort of thing. Anyhoo, I ended up at Laurie's. The usual destination. She was still working on burning some cd for this girl that she works with. But that project was soon abandoned for a trip to the mall. UGH! The mall...so we hopped around for awhile. Stopped in Moist Porpoise (aka Wet Seal) And I was talking to Shannon, my favorite gossip queen. All of a sudden she was like, "shut up, I forgot Kyle's in here." I guess he and Nikki were there right before I came in. One of the girls who works there was like, "uh no. They left. But that girl was a bitch. I'll hit her if you want me to." hahaha. No. I don't think we've come to the point of violence yet. Although I do believe that violence solves EVERYTHING. Right. So the gossip continued. And Shannon informed me that she can't hire anyone until back-to-school. Meaning late July. Um, sorry, I don't think I can thrive on $80 until then. I have at least $400 worth in bills that will be due before then. That's just a rough estimate. So Laurie trotted out to the Verizon stand to see what kind of a deal they would give her for a new phone somewhere half way through the conversation. And when I finally broke away to meet back up with her, she'd had a short conversation of her own with none other than Kyle himself. He and Nikki were making their rounds through the hall. I'm sure he noticed that I was there. And I'm sure his thoughts went something like this, "I hate that bitch". Yup, I'm hated. But we'll get back to that later.

~would they take it all back...what they've done?~

So somehow, we ended up meeting up with Nicole and Kacey. And eating at The IHOP!!! oh boy. Once again, I'll say, I hate that place. It's expensive (well, I'm poor) the service is horrible, and the food is shitty. At least it is here. I can't speak for any other IHOP establishments but this one sucks. So that was interesting. I found out that Kyle is not only attending the wedding, he's in the wedding party now. And they're trying to find another female to even things out. Nicole thought it would be funny if she stuck the two of us together. No. That would be sick and demented. But such are my friends. Kacey is on this kick. He wants to mediate a mending of our lines of communication. So he called Kyle later while we were chilling at Nicole's dads house. Which basically consisted of informing Kyle that I was going to be attending the wedding also (obviously he didn't know that Nicole, Kacey, and I are all friends again) Hell, if we can do it...why can't he have some balls? But I guess that didn't please him in the least. So Kacey told him that he needed to just get it over with and let me apologize to him. So Kyle asked if that was why I called him the other day. No shit. And he said that he wasn't ready to speak to me. And HE had nothing to apologize for. What it basically comes down to is...I am the one who needs to apologize. I know that. He didn't do anything wrong. I've said it countless times. I'm the stupid motherfucker here. And I am ready and willing to come to terms with that. But no one is giving me the chance.

~Well love is a riddled madness. Sing about it and know my sadness...~

But I got to see Nicole's dress. Which is absolutely divine. It's so hard to realize that all of my friends are getting married. Speaking of that, I ran into Channie and Aaron at the mall. They're engaged. July or August I think is when she said the date is. So she took my number and said she'd call for the address. So that's another wedding that I'm invited to. And I also saw Smitty. God I've had some strange experiences with that kid. This would be Josh...who asked me to marry him freshman year of highschool. He's engaged. URGH. But back to Nicole's dads house. She gave me these boxing gloves that the 4 of us (Nicole, Kacey, Kyle and I) all bought a VERY long time ago at Toys R US. And I almost started to cry. Until she made me put them on and box with her. They're really cute. When you hit someone hard enough with them, they make a crashing noise...like glass breaking. *sigh* Now I'm gonna cry again. Moving on

~Well I've tried to live a life...I've lived it so well. But is it heaven or is it hell? No one can tell..Well nobody knows. I'm gonna be happy with the way that I am. I'm gonna be happy with all that I stand for.~

So after that lovely flashback, Laurie and I went back to her place in hopes that she'd stay up late enough to meet the boys from Pepsi at Players for a few drinks. I think I mentioned the fact that Clint (one of the Pepsi gang) wants me bad. And he was going to pay for my drinks...for the chance to speak with me. Hahahaha...sorry, that's not funny. We get to Laurie's...and the dog was out of her kennel. And the tv was on in the living room. So we were freaking out. Turns out, Andrew was watching Death to Smoochie. I love how he doesn't live there anymore and yet, he still comes over when no one is there and makes himself at home. He's like, "I was bored. And there was no place else to go." So we sat there and watched this movie for awhile. Played with the dog. Andrew is a funny boy. Another little brother like AJ...they've both sprouted into pretty decent guys...but it's just...not kosher if you know what I'm saying. So Laurie and I made it to 1:30 amazingly. We'd already started drinking...and Drew called the infamous Pat from my cell phone in hopes of finding something to do. When he told me that's where he was going...TJ and Pat's...I think I may have mentioned thinking Pat is hot. So I'm sure that was a topic of conversation once he got there. But Laurie and I went to the bar. This is where the night gets hairy.

~So go make your next choice be your best choice.~

Laurie shoved me back in the corner so no one would attack me...(the "chastity corner")mainly Clint. But as soon as she got up to hit the bathroom, I was smothered. He was like, "so, what do you do for fun? Do you like hunting, fishing, camping???" AHHHHHH! By this point, I had already had a shot of Yagger. So I was about to fall off of my chair. But I managed to explain to Clint in the nicest way that, I don't like any of those things. In fact, the "guys" that I've been "seeing" lately are all vegetarian animal rights activist musicians. Alluding to the fact that he's just not my type. But he persisted. "well I eat everything I kill." Then he was asking about the buttons on my jacket. And what I did last weekend. So he got to hear the tale of drunkeness. But probably wasn't even listening because everytime he said something, Bill and Steve and 2 other guys would make fun of him. "you don't have any game!!! NO GAME!!!!". So ya...that was horrible. Thank God for the barmaid who kicked us out a half an hour after last call. But things continued in the parking lot. Steve invited them over to play darts. But Clint bailed because his ego was bruised. Aw. So I let Steve drive my car back to their place and I made a phone call from the backseat. This was probably NOT a good idea.

~You don't know me but I know you see, you're my favorite.~

I called Jess to see what he was up to. Didn't think he'd answer the phone because it was like 2:45am. But he did. He was also drinking. Sitting around the living room with Justin and Ryan. The beginning of our conversation wasn't so bad. We got back to the house and I let Laurie talk to him for a bit. Just to razz him about staying at her place when he comes to visit Memorial Day weekend. But the drunker he got...the stranger the conversation got. I've never really witnessed drunken Jesse. He controls it pretty well. But he was sloppy drunk. And he was getting upset that I was there with a bunch of guys...Laurie had passed out. He was worried for my safety. But it's not like I haven't been in worse situations. I wouldn't have been there if I didn't feel safe. I tried to calm him down and say that it was ok. I was going to go pass out upstairs. So I finally convinced him (or so I thought) that it was cool. And we got off the phone. I stumbled into the living room to join in on the festivities and hopefully pass out on the couch. By this time. I wasn't really drunk anymore. Just buzzin'. And I knew these guys weren't going to try anything stupid. All of them have girlfriends. Whatever. It was fine. But Jesse called me back. And I knew he wasn't going to drop it until I went home. So I left...and drove home half drunk and stoned. NICE!!! And he didn't stop there. It just got worse and worse as he continued to drink. So I don't know if the things he said were just his drunken antics...or if he was semi-serious. But he really freaked me out. I don't know. The last time I got carried away by premature feelings, I ended up in Connecticut and regret it to this day. So I refuse to let that happen again. And it's just...not a situation that I ever want to put myself in again. NEVER! So this is definately going to have to be settled next weekend.

~You, you were a friend. You were a friend of mine, I let you spend the night. You see it was my fault. Of course it was mine. I'm too hard at work. Have you ever heard of anything so absurd ever in your life? I'm sorry for wasting your time.~

So that was my day. I slept like a rock until 3 this afternoon. And I plan on doing a whole lot of nothing for the rest of the day. I do need to eat though. I always seem to put that off. And I did attempt to call Tim earlier. In respect to what I said in the last entry about just shooting the shit with him and laughing about the stupidity of all of this. But I ended up leaving a message that will probably never be replied to. whatever. I'm off to find some food.

~I won't resist and if I die well at least I tried.~

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