Captain Procrastinater's Triumphant Return


05-14-03

~I heard you're doin' ok but I want you to know, I'm a dick...I'm addicted to you.~

Ok, I started an update...on the 13th. But it was never finished due to the fact that...I was so fucking tired. I stayed up all night once again. It's a bad habit. But it's probably going to happen again tonight. There were just too many conversations to be had the other night. I was on the phone with Jesse. And IMing with Ben. I think I officially pissed him off. (Ben that is) I'm not definately sure. But it's a possibility. We were having "the" talk. Just you know...trying to get him to fess up to the reality of things. And it seemed like he was blowing me off. So I blew him off right back. Then he apologized...and so I did too. And then he just got off of IM all of a sudden. And I haven't talked to him since. So...whatever. I mean. Am I supposed to be upset about it? Whatever. that's all I have to say about that.

~have you ever heard of anything so absurd in your life? I'm sorry for wasting your time.~

So I took a lovely trip to the doctor today. And the UTI ensues. One more thing to thank god about for being of the female persuasion. So that wasted more than 3 hours of my day. Then I came home and took my prescribed medication. And promptly crashed on the couch. I have so much shit to do. Seriously. And it's never going to get done. And here I am, drugged up and drinking ass loads of water. When there's a tire that needs changing, bills that need paying, and a job somewhere to be having. I can't bitch about it enough. But I think we're ruling out check into cash. Laurie called me last night. Screamed in my ear for a half an hour about how much those bastards piss her off. Then she came over and I consoled her. Made her supper and let her fall asleep on my couch for about a half an hour before Steve called. (I'm such a good friend) So Steve called. I don't know how I heard her cell ringing. But I ran back here to answer (she has caller ID) so if it had been anyone else, I would have let the voice mail get it. So I picked it up knowing that it was Stevie. And said, "hey" and he almost started talking to me thinking I was Laurie but I cut him off and told him it was me. (although it would have been funny if I'd gone with it) I said she was asleep on my couch. And he told me to wake her ass up cause he wanted some food. And his car is currently out of commision. So I woke her and she dashed out the door immediately. There's a point to this I think. Uh...oh, I'm so jealous. She's got it all. Now granted, it's not all shits and giggles. But she's got her own place, and a decent job. And a boyfriend who (isn't always the best but...) he takes care of her. And she takes care of him. I miss that. The comfort of being with someone and knowing them better than you know yourself. I won't lie. Although I'm bitter about what happened with Tim and I, there were some really great things that I had with him. I know I've said some really mean things about that whole situation. But I know that at one point in time, he did love me. And I was crazy in love with him. Otherwise I wouldn't have made so many stupid mistakes. A part of me will always love him to an extent. I almost wish I could talk to him now. Just shoot the shit about everything that's been going on. And laugh about the stupidity of it all. But don't we all wish for a happy ending. huh. It's time to change cd's. I've listened to Mraz about 3 times now. I can listen to that album forever.

~Is it worth it, can you even hear me?~

So when I finally woke up tonight...Laurie had called. And I watched the final episode of Dawson's Creek. Bawled through the whole damn thing. Have I mentioned how much I hate tv? I used to watch that show all the time when it first came on. I was like 16 or something. And I've watched it on and off since then. Just out of nothing else being on. So...you grow pretty close to the characters. It was just a moment of weakness. ugh. I can't believe that I could get so sappy over a television show. disgusting.

~you're taking up my time~

So Jess e-mailed to tell me that he's planning on coming up here Memorial day weekend. The end of this month. It's only like a week and a half away. That'll be good fun. I've found myself sucked into reading message board posts. Scott has this page called The Scott Allen Miller message board for dummies. It's like a voyeuristic thing. Peeking into the lives of others. I mean, I know a lot of the people who post there. I just don't have enough to say to post something myself. I did join the EFL board though. It's supposed to be band banter. I'm not there enough to actually share an opinion on the band. So...whatever. In all my curiosity I did stumble across the Lidocaine Viscious site though. (that would be Justin and Tick's band) But I think they changed the name. Jesse was talking about having them join in on the MI comes to Lima show. I'm all for it. The show that is. But I'm starting to have my doubts. How many people do I really know that I can convince to come and see these bands? If I could, I'd like to bring Adams Castle here too. They were THAT good. It'd be a great show. I'm just thinking...I've pissed a lot of people off who are big parts of the local scene. Would they look passed that and come see the show anyway? Everybody seems to be moving away from the scene anyhow. There haven't been any good local shows in quite some time. The only group that I know of that have been playing is The Goodbye Sessions. And Omar hates me...(not really) But I just don't talk to any of those people anymore. I guess that would be mostly because I've escaped the mall. And I'm avoiding the movie theater. I don't know. I could always be the bigger person and restore some lines of communication. I'm just Captain Procrastination. I'll probably end up back at the damn mall in a shitty retail job again soon. So why the hell not.

~shut me out~

Here's some bits n peices of that entry that I started the other day.

I was talking to Jess on the phone. Interesting as it always is. Just shootin' the shit about Saturday's festivities. Apparently, I was REALLY drunk. And I don't remember at least an hours worth of the party. Because I remember sitting in the broken chair in the living room when David came out in the sock. And then after that, I remember lying on the floor talking to...Zach (the Keanu lookalike) in front of the couch. But Jesse claims that I did something in between that. I don't know. I could have smoked a cigarette or 2. Lord only knows. We also talked about the fact that I wasn't the only one who noticed that Justin was checkin' me out. But Jesse says he was being extremely respectful considering "the way that Justin is". He admitted being a womanizer. But being the gullable person that I am. Under any other circumstances, I would probably fall for his antics. His suaveness and whatnot. Jess mentioned the puke incident again. I guess it was much worse than I originally thought. I heard about the puke in the garage. And I witnessed the puke on the front porch the following morning. But what I didn't know is that it was all over the screen door (which I touched) and the driveway I think. Oh, and in the kitchen sink. Nice. I was talking to Laurie about the possibility of these boys coming up to play a show. And she says she's cool with them staying at her place. But no puke. No theft. and no impregnating underage girls. Now all I have to do is book the gig. Oh you know...and get a job. Because I promised Jess that if they came up here, I'd take care of everything. Food, booze, etc. I think we're gonna focus on a job. If Captain Procrastination would ever go away.

~~

So back to the now. Speaking of people telling me that other people are checking me out...Laurie informed me that Steve's buddy Clint has been hounding him about all of us going out to the bar again. I just think that's funny. Clint is the most annoying out of all of the Pepsi folk and the last one I'd even consider dating. He never even talks to me directly. I catch him talking to Steve about me. And then ask what he said. Like the negro spice thing. I was having a finger in the light socket hair day. And he had the nerve to call me negro spice. First of all, he's rude. He likes to hunt...he's not very attractive. And all around, just not my type. But ya. Apparently, he talks about me all the time and wants a peice. NICE. I'm still pimp shit. HA! Joking...honestly. I don't think a total stoner (although a very entertaining stoner) and a hillbilly from hell really count as acceptable hoes. But, speaking of hoes, (he he he that was also a joke) Ben is on-line. And I guess he doesn't hate me after all. It was an accidental disconnection. So, I'm going to finish this up and talky a lotty.

~you almost always pick the best time to drop the worst lines.~

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