03-09-00 Thursday


I have a lot on my mind. A lot of things that shouldn't be announced... because every time I open my mouth, I just piss someone off. I have a big mouth. Nicole's mom hates me for that reason. I'm loud. Sometimes obnoxious... but I'm honest. If you were to say, "does my butt look big in these jeans?" and you have a ghetto booty... I would say yes. I'm brutally honest. Sometimes, I'm so honest it hurts. (cause I piss people off and they come after me with pointy objects) I've been known to slip and say things that should have been left unsaid. I think I did it at least twice yesterday with Laurie. Thank heavens she only gives me a dirty look and drops it. I'm not sure if she really dropped it though. It might just be in the back of her mind grating away. Kirsten is mad at me too. (i think) she gave me dirty looks ALL day. Mostly because I skipped out on youth group last night. I decided to spend time with Laurie. (whom I haven't really had a chance to hang out with for a long time) I appreciate the time I've been spending with her. She pretty much traded places with Nicole. Because Nicole is moving, and her mom is a nazi. She can't really do much of anything anymore. I can't please everyone. sure...I try. no one is perfect remember???

~well here is me on tragedy, I always want what I can't reach.~

Not only have I been dwelling on the fact that everybody always hates me... I've also noticed that...I don't know. Not to bring him up again, but I've noticed that I'm putting effort into avoiding Dan. Every time I see him, I either walk past him without speaking/looking at him, or I try and get away. I'll turn down another hallway if I have to. At least we only have a studyhall together. It's easy to stay away from him there. (because he always leaves) I'm not exactly sure why I do it. More than anything, I think I'm afraid of facing him. After he had the nerve to blast me like that. I didn't deserve a drunken, slurred, rejection. and the worst part is...it wasn't even to my face. So I'd rather NOT speak to him. Not for awhile at least. Until I'm sure I won't go off on him. I'm like a walking time bomb. I swallow everything... until I finally burst. I pity the person who gets attacked when it happens. That's another aspect of my big mouthiness. (unpleasant)

~keep your lips sealed this just in...You're speeding up the ticker of a walking time bomb~

I honestly had more to say. I have a Chamber concert tonight and I need to get things together for that. Jen is going to go I think (Yay!!! clapping and bouncing etc etc.) Oh! Hi Goo! Thanks for signing the guestbook. You crack me up. You're always hungry! There's another Broken Yoke concert on the 25th at the Zion. $2.00 to get in. (it's cheaper AND closer to home than the last one) Maybe I can make it through this one without almost dying. Dryveway is playing too. I think I'll just skip out on their performance. I'm not very proud of those boys. That's quite awhile from now though. So...whatever. I'm listening to this on-line radio station thing... Raggae is the bomb. I was listening to Christian rock...but it got too countryish. blah! yeah. I'll update again later.

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