When Kyle Attacks

03-06-01 Tuesday

~Had a bad day again...~

It's been a LONG weekend. I'm so tired. I freakin' worked, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. This has been my first day off...and I'm sooooo tired. But Kyle is making me update the page. Instead of spending my time doing something productive like...sleeping...I'm updating. Ya. I made a bug mistake. I gave Kyle the URL, and he's done nothing but abuse it. (I should prolly add that he and I are...an unofficially official thing now) I was on the phone with him earlier, and he was reading the journal to me. Any and every time I mentioned him...he read. Reminding me of all the stupid things I've said...and the whole age issue. And I said something about the faces that he makes...he made fun of me. I said he was a "very attractive boy". And he made fun of me. It's...making me a little envious. Cause he knows all the things I've said about him, and I know nothing. The other night we got into a conversation about the age thing...and I said that he prolly brags to all his friends that he's seeing a college girl. He said ya. He thought that was pretty awesome. It's all just very frustrating to me. Is that the only reason??? Does he really like me for a good reason? I shouldn't be jumping to such conclusions. But Laura's mind always runs away with her. Ok, so yes. I think Kyle is attractive. Rule #1: You can't kiss someone unless you're attracted to them at least somewhat physically. Fine. But there ARE other reasons why I enjoy Kyle's company. I'm just wondering if this is some fickle high school thing, or if there's validity behind it. Other than that, everything else concerning this thing (I'm not sure what to call it) relationship??? is fine. I do catch myself calling him my boyfriend though. Then there's usually some nervous laughter, and I move on. He said it was pretty smooth how we just skipped the whole dating thing. I agree. I hate dating. But then I think maybe we skipped more than that. Gawd. And it's funny really. I'm stressing myself out about this.

~If you have to take it all away, oh no, take it slow.~

Uh huh. I worked all weekend. And spent time with Mr. Kylepants. Last night was most eventful. I trained the new girl Andrea...who happens to be the girl that Brad (Verizon Brad) took to the Valentine dance. She is hilarious. And since I was in a bit of a funk after theatre yesterday...(I totally screwed up our scene. But at least it's over now) So I came home and got ready for work...put my hair up all crazy. I think that made an unusual difference in my day. I went to school looking like a bum, and then put on a bunch of makeup and punk clothes for work. It made me feel so much better. Anyhow, the vulgarity that went on in the store last night was...just insane. And it was mostly caused by me. My bad mouth. Every other word that came out was 'shit'. I humped the vacuum cleaner...it was on...if you can picture. I was vacuuming the front of the store, and just decided to hop on the sweeper and ride. Needless to say, an older couple walked past and saw me. So I ended up on the floor laughing so hard my gut hurt. I was stir crazy. I'd worked the past 5 days straight. You can only take SO MUCH of those same walls. The same people...and ya. This guy named AZ came in. (he comes in often claiming to be some modeling/talent agent or something.) and he told me I looked like Gwen Stefani. I think that made my day. Later that night, we surprised Andrea with dinner at Ruby Tuesday's. The Verizon nerds (well basically everyone that went to the Valentine Dance + Shannon) I told Andrea the reason I went to the dance in the first place. She got a real kick out of that. She informed me that Korey thinks I like him. (he thought I did before. but I don't, and promise I never did, and I never will) I dropped too much money in that place. I'm broke. And I JUST got paid. This is ridiculous. I think I'm gonna look for another part time job. (at least for the summer) UGH.

~Another pill I'm to consume...to make me learn to feel again~

Class today wasn't all that great either. I was too tired. Didn't want to be there at all. But I went to ALL of my classes. How crazy is that? Cause next week is finals...so I don't think I should skip anymore. And I have so much to catch up on. I have a poetry paper to write, I have to go through and make up some journal entries for my theatre journal which is due tomorrow, and I have to read chapter 11 for history. We have one more in class group essay on Thursday, then the final is next week Tuesday. I know...I didn't do very well this quarter. I'll get an A in choir. Maybe a B in poetry and history. I'm not sure about theatre. Prolly a B. Now those are my guesstimations. We'll see when I get my e-mail over Spring Break just how wrong I am. Speaking of Spring Break, Lisa and I are still thinking about making a trip to Michigan to visit Jesse. It's funny. Jesse and I haven't really talked to each other at all for the past month or two. I sent him those pictures. He e-mailed me when he got them and told me he'd send me some. And that was the last I've heard. If the damn computer in the back wasn't still broken, maybe I'd be able to talk to him and everyone else on ICQ. That's my excuse for not updating recently. That and I'm so busy. I'm never home anymore. It's terrible. So ya, it wasn't such a good day. I dozed off in poetry. And I'm about to go catch a bit of a nap now. Sounds like a plan. I'll update when I can.

~As the curtain rose I danced as I was able. Felt my deception slowly sinking in.~

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