03-27-00 Monday *Dedicated To Jason*


Why?!?! You ask...am I dedicating this entry to Jason. Well, it's a funny story. That I won't tell. We'll just say, I told him I would...and I don't break promises. *sigh* (I always feel the need to sigh before I start an entry. because it's not the easiest thing...to broadcast your life and all your problems on the internet. It's not always the smartest thing either.) Problems...Lots of problems. We'll start with what I consider the least of my worries. Tomorrow...the English Festival. I'm tired of people spreading rumors. Today I found out that a girl in choir (no one really likes her. I try to humor her though) Well, she decided to inform Dan that I said (and I don't recall saying this to her) "I don't want to ride in the same van with Dan. I hate Dan." Something to that effect. First of all, it's obvious that she likes him. Because not only did she tell me that, but she told me that if we do get stuck on the same van together, that she would be sitting between us. And...I recall a week or two ago, she asked me if I still liked Dan. (I of course said no) and then proceded to spill her guts about having History class with him. (How exciting for you honey! I don't care) She's hot for him. and she sees me as a threat. So she removes the threat by telling him that I said I hate him. Honestly, I can't say I hate him. (I may have let that one slip before) but I don't. I just don't agree with his drinking habits. I don't agree with the way he chose to deal with our situation. OK, I'm over it. I'm sure I'll have a good conversation with him, and this will all be done with. *crosses fingers*

~There's a part of me I love to hate.
It's the darkness that pushes the one I love away~

I wonder sometimes, why haven't I become what everyone else has? Why don't I go out on the weekends and get trashed, come home the next day covered in mine and my buddys' puke, sunglasses...mom asks, "where have you been" and I slam the door in her face...Why haven't I done that? Because I don't agree with it. It's not my style. My mother and I get along for the most part. We're pretty tight. She's the only person in my immediate family that I'm close to. (ok ok...in my whole family) But ever since this situation with Mike and Jason...It's been hell around here. I think I conjured up a little more than I intended. She's snooping. At first when I put up my page, she had no desire to read my journal. She's never read my paper journal. But once she heard about...(cough) Mike, she's been through the internet journal, and countless other things I'm sure. Today, when I came home, I found a note on my bed. She thought that she'd inform me that a certain e-mail address I had written on a sheet of paper by the computer was off limits to me. It was kind of too late for her to rule that. I had used it already. The note basically said, "don't use this because it's their family address. and they could read it before he even gets to look at it." HELLO! I'm not a frickin' idiot! I knew that before I used it. It's not like it wasn't obvious. I was also informed from the source who gave me the address that it was a family address. She claims she wasn't snooping. She just happened to look down at the table and see it. It's not an obvious address either. Just by looking at it you can't tell that it's theirs. I'm really tired of the NO PRIVACY POLICY

~Life rolls on, and one day it's gone
and the life you lived must lead you on.~

And another thing...My phone conversation last night...with none other than...Jason. I'm confused really. Not about Jason. He was pretty blunt. I just...I don't know how I feel about that. I do, but i don't. I really don't want to get in to that right now. But he cracks me up. Enya??? For Pete's sake! No offence or anything. but I don't get into that sort of thing. The whole Yanni thing...I don't know what you'd call it. New Age??? right...he and his roommate are pretty funny. They poke fun at each other constantly. It's hilarious. Then the conversation got serious. I can't say it was uncomfortable. It wasn't...but I...I don't know. His "scenerios" or so he likes to call them. I don't know what to say about that. I'm just extremely confused about this situation. nuff said.

~Solitude is my best friend. Isolation
is my biggest fan.~

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