03-23-00 Thursday


I didn't go to school today. I tried to get up this morning. But it was too much. The food I ate last night hadn't agreed with me. I was dizzy. Tired...and I just didn't want to face the people and things that I knew I would have to. I'm on edge. So close to exploding...and I really don't want to hurt anyone. After last night, and the events at the restaurant...I wanted to scream...I wanted to hurt someone...I wanted to go off and let it all out. But I restrained myself. and I'm starting to regret it. I should have said what I felt. I should have left right after it happened. I wanted to storm out...I didn't want to be there any longer. I didn't want to sit in front of a group of my peers who thought it was ok to laugh at my misfortune. A group of people that I consider friends. It's awful to feel that way. Like everyone has turned against you...Alone.

~Every little thing I do...never seems enough for you.~

So this little accident with Kir...I don't know what's left to say. She seems to think she wasn't at fault. I don't think I was either. Her story...

I was stopped. I did NOT hit Laura in the least.
It was not my fault that she didn't see my lights.
It was not my fault she was driving without her
glasses. Those are things I could do nothing
about. I did what was required of me. I was
cautious. I pulled out of my garage slowly. I
paused to close the garage door... BAM.
End of story.

That's all great. So she was cautious. I'd like to know why she left out the part about her "thinking" I was waiting for her, and me not even knowing she was in her car with it running let alone backing out of the garage...Or the part about me not needing my glasses to drive. Or the fact that she was turned at a strange angle, and I had no way of seeing her lights in the mirror. OH! and the part about her car being dark blue. No one could have been able to see if her car was there or not. I also enjoy her leaving out the part about me being cautious. I looked behind me to see if anyone was still there, and they were. So I put my car in reverse. The brake lights were on. I looked in my mirror to make sure they had backed out. All I saw was dark. Which to me means...No more cars. I go to back out and BOOM! At first, I didn't even know who I could have possibly hit. Yes. The situation is dumb. But no one was at fault. No damage to my car, so my mother generously offered to pay for half of Kirs damage. But she refused. Either we pay for all of it, or she's gonna throw a massive fit. I'm impressed. really... Did she listen to my side of the story? Because for once, it's not all about her! Did she respect my feelings in that restaurant??? Does she even care? Because it honestly feels like she couldn't give a crap less. I at least listened to her. I looked at the whole situation instead of blinding myself to the other half. I never said, "well, it's not my fault that she thought I was waiting for her and I wasn't. It's not my fault that her car is made of fiberglass. It's not my fault that she was in a hurry to get to TFC." This is only going to get worse.


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